Ani Always Says It Best

UNTOUCHABLE FACE: By Ani Difranco

Think I'm going for a walk now

I feel a little unsteady

I don't want noone to follow me except maybe you

I could make you happy, you know if you weren't already

I could do a lot of things and I do

Tell you the truth I prefer the worst of you

too bad you had to have a better half

she's not really my type

but I think you two are forever

and I hate to say it, but you're perfect together

So fuck you and your untouchable face

fuck you for existing in the first place

and who am I that I should be vying for your touch

who am I

bet you can't even tell me that much

2:30 in the morning my gas tank will be empty soon

neon sign on the horizon rubbing elbowes with the moon

safe haven of the sleepless where the deep fryer's always on

radio is counting down top 20 country songs

Out on the porch the fly strip is waving like a flag in the wind

you know I really don't look forward to seeing you again

You look like a photograph of yourself taken from far far away

and I won't know what to do and I won't know what to say

Except fuck you and your untouchable face

and fuck you for existing in the first place

and who am I, that I should be vying for your touch

who am I, I bet you cant even tell me that much

I see you when I'm so perplexed

what was I thinking what will I think of next

where can I hide

in the back room there's a lamp that hangs over the pool table

and the fan that's on it swings gently side to side

there's a changing constellation of balls as we are playing

I see orion and say nothing the only thing I can think of saying is

Fuck you and your untouchable face

and fuck you, for existing in the first place

and who am I, that I should be vying for your touch

who am I, I bet you cant even tell me that much

Max5

alright so last night clancy and i were up way way way too late and we had the best conversation ever about max5 chocolate bars. i thought that the outside coating of the max5 peanut butter was caramel but clancy deduced it was peanut butter in the most logical argument of all time:

"i have eaten both the max5 chocolate bar and the maxc5 peanut butter bar. the two bars are exactly the same as far as i can tell, except for the outside coating. therefore, if two bars are exactly the same except for the outside coating, and one is called max5 chocolate, whose outside coating is chocolate, and the other one is called max5 peanut butter, what are you going to assume the outside coating is? caramel? i dont think so. it is definitely peanut butter."

needless to say i still think the outside is caramel but i thought this argument was fantastic. clancy is going to be a wonderful lawyer.

Blur

that is the only word to describe wednesday. yesterday shayla and i got up to so much tomfoolery, i didnt think you could fit so much into one day. ive been trying to upload the pictures we took from the day onto here but they arent working for some inexplicable reason. anyway, it was good times had by all, and its made that much better by the fact that it all means summer is here. highlights include me moaning about nachos and lapdancing all day, shayla getting a ridiculous sunburn, and me filthifying my jeans. since the pictures arent working, i will offer some consolation by posting the most quotable quotes of the day:

"well, if you hadn't hit the bong, i think it would have turned out the same anyway"
-shayla

"my jeans are so gross, they smell like alcohol puke"
-chloé

"we'll get together, take off our tops, and talk about nachos"
-shayla

"it's like the party never stops, we just take breaks for sleep"
-chloé
anyway hopefully ill be able to get the pictures working soon, because as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, and yesterday was one hell of a day. so thank you shayla, have fun in india, hamilton wont be the same without you, and well get back to this sort of debauchery as soon as you return.

Moisture

Happiness: like stepping out of the shower into steam
Caressing your naked body, condensing in the creases
Filling your lungs, your blood
With Moisture
Love: like walking through morning mist on a foggy day
Touches your face, blinds you a little
Filling your body, your mind
With Moisture
Friendship: like swimming naked before dawn during your freest times
Cold water surrounds your inhibitions, drowns them
You float away, exhilarated
By Moisture
Humanity: mostly water, three quarters they say
Each fluid cell held together by liquid
Filled in solid somehow, takes shape
I am moisture
We are moisture

It Is Well With My Soul

well after nearly having a meltdown this week, having felt like i seriously dropped the ball, i must say that after a good long drive to hamilton and a good long think i am back in the game. im not exactly sure why this is, but i have no complaints, i have totally gotten a grip and i am ready to face exams head on, at least for today. i feel like i have been walking around in a daze for the last couple of weeks and i am just now emerging into the light, returning to reality and happiness and i know everything will be alright. i think this is my final wind, and it couldnt come a moment too soon. in other news, puppy is shedding like a mofo and i need to brush her. now, off i go into the wide wide world of plant physiology, this exam isnt going to know what way is up.

The New Jolene

man shayla thank you and thank you this song took my breath away and it is now seriously impeding my studying because i cant stop listening to it...you got me on my knees, shayla, as always

SAMSON By Regina Spektor

You are my sweetest downfall

I loved you first, I loved you first

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth

I have to go, I have to go

Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed, not much hair left on his head

Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed

And the history books forgot about us

And the Bible didn't mention us, and the Bible didn't mention us

Not even once

You are my sweetest downfall

I loved you first, I loved you first

Before the stars came falling on our heads

But they're just old light, they're just old light

Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed, told me that my hair was red

Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed

Oh I cut his hair myself one night, a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light

And he told me that I'd done alright

And he kissed me till the morning light, the morning light

And he kissed me till the morning light

Samson went back to bed, not much hair left on his head

Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed

Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down

Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one

And the history books forgot about us

And the Bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall

I loved you first

Run Away

I tried to sing of joyous times, of sunlight and of love
But the music wasn’t there and my throat gave way
Those songs aren’t ours, they never were
So let’s run away and sing the blues
We’ll take a trip and sleep in old hotel beds and play our guitars
And we’ll sing the blues
You’ll meet women and I’ll avoid men
And we’ll buy each other beer
As we stand up on stage to tell our tale
The only people listening will be drunks with nowhere else to go
But the music will be there and my throat won’t give way
And these will be our joyous times, the sunlight of our souls, with my love for your guitar
The songs will be ours
Because all this voice is good for is the blues
Rattling and deep
We could find happiness
If we ran away to sing the blues

When You're Strange

faces come out of the rain. ah well tonight amit and i went for one of our super fantastic hyper amazing downtown adventures, and let me tell you, the fun didnt stop. first of all, i didnt realise that what i was wearing was really that remarkable, but as soon as we got off the bus i got honked at twice, which amit and i had a good laugh over. then we wandered down king street for a while looking for somewhere to eat and decided that james street was a better bet. so we wandered down james street, where a bunch of creepy creepies cat called me which i didnt appreciate at all and i dont understand why guys do that at all let a lone to a girl who is walking down a street with a guy but, people are strange. anyway so we finally decided to go to gate of india again where we were by far the strangest and funniest customers those people have seen in a long long time. i started off by ordering two drinks for myself as i tend to do when im out, a mango lassi and a gingerale. i guess the server assumed these two drinks were for the two of us because he started to walk away and then amit was like didnt you want the banana lassi and i was like oh right banana and then teh server walked away without asking amit what he wanted .then amit explained that the server was assuming that the drinks were for the both of us and not just for me and i laughed and laughed. this whole thing turned even funnier when the server brought my drinks and amit was liek those are both for her, id like a mango lassi. the server was laughing so hard at us it was awesome. anyway so then our meal progressed relatively normally until the end when the server left us waiting around for like at least half an hour before amit finally went and asked for the bill, and then when he brought it, amit asked to wrap up our BREAD but not our ENTREE and the server laughed at us some more. also i had created a super straw by attaching the two straws from my drinks together, which the server also laughed at us for. anyway i was laughing so hard at the whole thing i had tears coming down my face. so thank you amit, always an adventure when we go out.

Things That Are More Fun Than Studying

1) playing with my piercings
2) talking to puppy
3) watching american pie
4) talking to anyone and everyone on msn
5) talking to anyone and everyone on the phone (please call)
6) going to work
7) dancing
8) sleeping
9) going to the store to buy nestea
10) going to the store to buy cigarettes
11) going to the store to buy powerade
12) making mixed bean and pickle salad
13) spacing out
14) smoking
15) leaving sad sorry voicemails on people's answering machines
16) showering
17) worrying
18) blogging

Dirty Dancing, I Adore Thee

"I'm afraid of what I did, I'm afraid of what I saw, but most of all, I'm afraid of walking out of this room and never feeling again in my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you"

-Baby

Valid Questions

well i ripped this off of daniel wheaton's blog i thought it was interesting and cool so i thought id copy him and do it myself so here we go:
Have I ever...
1. Taken a picture naked? Yes
2. Painted your room? No
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? kissed.... i wouldnt call it making out though
4. Drove a car? Yes
5. Danced in front of your mirror? Yes6
. Have a crush? Yes
7. Been dumped? no
8. Stole money from friend? No
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? yes
10. Been in a fist fight? No
11. Snuck out of your house? Yes
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
13. Been arrested? No
14. Made out with a stranger? no
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes
16. Left your house without telling your parents? Yes
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? No
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? yes, but with my mum, not on my own
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes
20. Seen someone die? No
21. Been on a plane? Yes
22. Kissed a picture? No
23. Slept in until 3PM? slept? no. stayed in bed? yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes
26. Made a snow angel? Yes
27. Played dress up? Yes
28. Cheated while playing a game? Yes
29. Been lonely? Yes
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes
31. Been to a club? Yes
32. Felt an earthquake? no
33. Touched a snake? yes
34. Ran a red light? no
35. Been suspended from school? no
36. Had detention? no
37. Been in a car accident? Yes
38. Hated the way you look? Yes
39. Witnessed a crime? Yes
40. Pole danced? No
41. Been lost? Yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? No
43. Felt like dying? yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes
46. Sang karaoke? Yes
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? Yes
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
50. Kissed in the rain? yes
51. Sang in the shower? Yes
52. Made love in a park? No-made out in a park more than once though
53. Had a dream that you married someone? yes
54. Glued your hand to something? yes
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? No
57. Been a cheerleader? No
58. Sat on a roof top? yes
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? Yes
60. Been too scared to watch scary movies alone? Yes
61. Played chicken? No
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? no
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? hot? no, goregeous once though, does that count
64. Broken a bone? no
65. Been easily amused? Yes
66. Laughed so hard you cry? Yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone? yes, oh yes
68. Cheated on a test? No
69. Forgotten someone's name? Yes
70. Slept naked? Yes
71. Gone skinny dipping? Yes
72. Worn your underwear inside-out by accident? yes
73. Blacked out from drinking? yes
74. Played a prank on someone? Yes
75. Gone to a late night movie? Yes
76. Made love to anything not human? No
77. Failed a class? no
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? No
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? No
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? Yes
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? No
82. Thrown strange objects? Yes
83. Felt like killing someone? Yes
84. Thought about running away? Yes
85. Ran away? no
86. Done drugs? yes
87. Had detention and not attend it? No
89. Made a parent cry? Yes
90. Cried over someone? Yes
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies?no
92. Dated someone more than once? this is an ambiguous question...ive never gone out with an ex again if thats the question
93. Had a dog? yes
94. Own an instrument? yes
95. Been in a band? Yes
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No
97. Broken a cd? Yes
98. Shot a rifle?no

Killing More Time

well i looked at my blogger profile and discovered that 52 other viewings had taken place, and there was nothing in it, so i filled it up with stuff. so all of you who were looking before should look now. in other news, regulatory systems reading is really painful and boring. i also managed to fall asleep at 8 pm last nite, wake up at midnight, decide it wasnt worth it to try and call that a nap and went back to bed, resulting in a total bed time of approximately 12 hours, minus three wakeups in the night. my goodness. disgusting.

Keep On Keeping On

I SHALL BELIEVE: By Sheryl Crow

Come to me now

And lay your hands over me

Even if it's a lie

Say it will be alright

And I shall believe
I'm broken in two

And I know you're on to me

That I only come home

When I'm so all alone

But I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way You think it ought to be

It seems like every time I try to make it right It all comes down on me

Please say honestly you won't give up on me

And I shall believe

And I shall believe
Open the door

And show me your face tonight

I know it's true

No one heals me like you

And you hold the key
Never again would I turn away from you

I'm so heavy tonight

But your love is alright

And I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way You think it ought to be

It seems like every time I try to make it right It all comes down on me

Please say honestly You won't give up on me

And I shall believe

I shall believe

And I shall believe

Moms Rule

if there is one thing ive learned from living on my own, it is that if i wish it hard enough, my mum always calls. now i realise that i can call her any time, but sometimes you just need your mom to call you. cause if youve got something on your mind that you dont really want to talk about and you call then your mom wants to know why youre calling...but if she calls you then you can just have a regular conversation and feel better without having to bring up whats bothering you at all. and its times like this that i sit home and wish and wish real hard that my mum will call, and she always, always does.

Procrastination And Nostalgia

well i finally got around to tidying up the apartment a little bit, my desk is still a disaster, but one thing at a time, at least i can see the floor again. anyway, as i was cleaning, i put on the goo goo dolls for lack of options, and i got to thinking about my darling girl, kate. oh kate, how i miss you sometimes. with the weather so pretty and the goo goo dolls playing, it took me back to grade eleven, when we used to sit on the front porch drinking litres and litres and litres of iced tea and listening to the goo goo dolls and heart in between bouts of watching judge judy and passions. ah those were the days...we were so carefree. and then we would go on massive treks to pizza hut and rogers video and just waste the summer away, but for the days we had to work. good times. im trying to think of what else we used to do, but i cant remember right now. all i know is there are days where i would give anything just to be back in that time, wasting my summer with you.

You Say Goodbye, And I Say Hello

i am surrounded by mess and emptiness. the air seems more still with so much furniture gone, and i try to imagine all of my belongings packed up into boxes and bags and wrapped in newspaper. i feel overwhelmed by all of the things i have to do, and i can see that the cats know something is different. the echoes in the empty rooms depress me a little as i try to get used to everything. im glad i have to work tomorrow so i can get out of the house, but i need to study and i dont want to. heres to a new beginning i guess.

Clarity

well all i have to say is thank God for Sabrina. there are days when i see her and i feel so guilty for getting paid to be there, because she does more for me sometimes than i could ever do for her. on days like today, i see her and she is so full of happiness, and she always appreciates the small stuff. she knows how to take joy in everythign and she is never cruel or hurtful towards anyone. its at moments like this that i am given a moment of clarity, that i should be more like sabrina, and i realise i should live in each moment and find the joy in everything. and i sing buddy holly to her and she wraps her arms around me as we dance and everything is right in this world for only a moment. Thank God for Sabrina.

Sabrina Fair by John Milton
Song
Sweet Echo, sweetest nymph that liv'st unseen

Within thy airy shell By slow Meander's margent green,

And in the violet-imbroider'd vale

Where the love-lorn nightingale

Nightly to thee her sad song mourneth well:Canst thou not tell me of a gentle pair

That likest thy Narcissus are?

O if thou haveHid them in some flow'ry cave,Tell me but where

Sweet Queen of Parley, Daughter of the Sphere,

So mayst thou be translated to the skies,

And give resounding grace to all heav'ns harmonies.
Song
Sabrina fair

Listen where thou art sitting

Under the glassy, cool, translucent wave,

In twisted braids of lilies knitting The loose train of thy amber-dropping hair;

Listen for dear honour's sake,Goddess of the silver lake,Listen and save.

Listen and appear to us In name of great Oceanus,

By the earth-shaking Neptune's mace,And Tethys' grave majestic pace;

By hoary Nereus' wrinkled look,And the Carpathian wizard's hook;

By scaly Triton's winding shell,And old soothsaying Glaucus' spell;

By Leucothea's lovely hands,And her son that rules the strands;

By Thetis' tinsel-slipper'd feet,And the songs of Sirens sweet;

By dead Parthenope's dear tomb,And fair Ligea's golden comb,

Wherewith she sits on diamond rocks

Sleeking her soft alluring locks;

By all the nymphs that nightly dance

Upon thy streams with wily glance,

Rise, rise, and heave thy rosy head

From thy coral-pav'n bed,

And bridle in thy headlong wave,T

ill thou our summons answer'd have.Listen and save.
Sabrina rises, attended by water-nymphs, and sings
By the rushy-fringed bank,Where grows the willow and the osier dank,

My sliding chariot stays,Thick set with agate, and the azurn sheenOf turkis blue, and em'rald green

That in the channel strays,Whilst from off the waters fleet

Thus I set my printless feetO'er the cowslip's velvet head,

That bends not as I tread;Gentle swain at thy requestI am here.

Prayer

O, God
give me the words to say what i mean, for it to be true, for it to be right. let me know how to express myself in an upright and dignified manner.
give me the wisdom to see what is true, to understand what i see and what i feel. teach me to learn.
give me the strength that i might have the courage to do and believe what is right. i need the strength to stand up under my burdens and to bear their weight and not be afraid of tomorrow.
give me the heart to love completely, to learn to love myself and others, and to understand that people love me in their own ways.
O, God you have given me so many things, please give me the words.

Happy Birthday Tiny Dancer

well a big birthday holla goes out to my sister callie who turns 13 today. damn i remember when you were in diapers. kate and kyle asked me to express how unimpressed they are with how old youre getting, they said thats quite enough. anyway welcome to being a teenager...supposedly the best time of your life, but let me tell you a secret, it ISNT. so welcome to the most hellish and painful years of girlhood, that time when all girls know how to do is be bitchy and two face and so on and so forth. dont worry, it gets much better after high school is over, just be careful of the boys. may you live to forget this night.

Lightning

you came into my life like lightning
an unexpected white light so fast and bright that fills me with awe and a little bit of fear
but the lightning always leaves behind a little bit of thunder
and the heavens, they do rumble
and my insides, they do quake
as i tremble in the rain
and when you touch me, it is like lightning
an unexpected white light so fast and bright that fills me with awe and a little bit of fear
but the lightning always leaves behind a little bit of thunder
and the heavens, they do rumble
and my insides, they do quake
as i tremble in the rain
and i could stand and let it rain down on me all fucking day
as i wait for the lightning to come down again
and when you say you love me, it is like lightning
an unexpected white light so fast and bright that fills me with awe and a little bit of fear
but lightning always leaves behind a little bit of thunder
and the heavens, they do rumble
and my insides, they do quake
as i tremble in the rain
and i could stand and let it rain down on me all fucking day
as i wait for the lightning to come down again
cause i always knew there was a lighting bolt waiting to come down and strike me
white hot electricity
if this is what it means to be clean
never stop raining down on me

O, Muse! Why Have You Forsaken Me?

agh. instead of working on biology or doing anything academic, i have spent the last hour reading over my entire blog, except for the first three posts. needless to say, i am more frustrated than a 15 year old with erectile dysfunction. WHY CANT I WRITE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! ive got NOTHING. i havent written a story in ages, and the last poem i attempted was hurting. i feel like i have a story about arden simmering somewhere below the surface, but all i have is images and events no plot, not even by ardens minimalist plot standards. i also want to write another children's story which i have more or less outlined in my head but thats not really bothering me. what happened to arden? and my poetry? there is only two possible explanations i think. 1) i dont have enough going on in my life to inspire me, or 2) i have too much going on in my life and i am missing all of the little things that used to inspire me. needless to say, its jsut unacceptable. or maybe arden is holding me captive... maybe i need to try to write about someone else. maybe i need to start writing from a female point of view or something. have i embraced my feminine side to the point where i cannot write arden anymore? how could this have happened? i am not ready to let go of him yet and i am not ready to concede that my creative peak passed when i was 17 years old. has science sapped me, is that what it is? i dont understand. maybe im dissatisfied with arden or with myself... im having trouble characterizing him which i used to do so easily. have i changed so much that i cannot find the arden in me anymore? perhaps i am overreacting. i havent attempted writing about arden in a long time, so maybe im jumping the gun. i also think a lot if it is to do with the fact that i dont get to see kate as much anymore, her perspective is what i need to write geoff and she is removed from my day to day experiences and also i am forced to hold onto an old idea of her to write geoff but i have all that has happened to me in order to evolve arden. writing has never been work for me. the stories about arden and geoff were always in me to write and they flowed like time passes out of me and im just so frustrated i have the itch but nothing to scratch. AAAAAAAAAAA

Listen To The Music Playing In Your Head

In The Cold, Cold Night

By The White Stripes

I saw you standing in the corner

On the edge of a burning light

I saw you standing in the corner

Come to me again

In the cold, cold night

You make me feel a little older

Like a full grown woman might

But when you're gone I grow colder

Come to me again

In the cold, cold night

I see you walking by my front door

I hear the creaking of the kitchen floor

I don't care what all the people say

I'm gonna love you anyway

Come to me again

In the cold, cold night

I can't stand it any longer

I need your fuel to make my fire bright

So don't fight it any longer

Come to me again

In the cold, cold night

And I know that you feel it too

When my skin turns into blue

You will know that it's warm inside

And you'll come run to me

In the cold, cold night

This One's For You, O Spoiled One

well for some reason that i absolutely cannot figure out, steve asked me to post about the band body count and since hes SPOILED im going to do it. but let me tell you, if i never had to contemplate body count ever again after this, my life would be significantly more enjoyable. anyway, so body count is this terrible band that used to exist, the infamous ice-t was the lead singer and figurehead of the nefarious body count. needless to say, his skills are being put to much better use on law and order, special victims unit, because he doesnt have to do any singing whatsoever on that show. body count sings all sorts of stupid songs, with such lyrical brilliances as "cop killler" and "kkk bitches" my personal favourite is the song that just says "body count, motherfucker" over and over again. anyway, i feel that every moment that is pend thiking about body count is one more moment ill never get back, so im going to end this post now before i start hurting myself in acts of self loathing.

And The Ladies Who Love The Ladies

and now for today. i skipped yoga this morning in order to maximise my sleep because i felt i needed it in my ongoing effort to kill my cold, not to mention i need some staying power to do my homework tonight (which i should be doing now instead of blogging. terrible). although i dont like missing yoga, im glad i did because i feel much better today than yesterday. anyway so after ym 830 i went to the second cup like i always do on mondays to kill the hour i have before my next class. theres this girl who works there who i am pretty sure is a lesbian, shes been there since the end of the summer. shes really nice, kind of shy, but truth be told, i think she kind of admires me from afar and has for a while. shes always really nice to me and if i dont come in for a few days she always asks where ive been. now i realise that this is just friendliness, but a few months ago she had some chocolate covered coffee beans and nuts and stuff behind the counter and she gave me some which i took because it was a nice thing to do. but then, today i was standing there waiting for the guy to make my drink after she had already served me and said have a nice day and stuff and i turn around and shes standing there and she takes my hand and shoves a bunch of easter chocolate into my hand and kind of ran away. i was like thank you and smiled but now im kind of hoping she knows im straight... i dont know what i would do if she asked me out or something because shes a very nice girl indeed and if i was a lesbian i would totally go out with her but i cant help it that im not a lesbian and i would feel really bad hurting her feelings. anyway im sure it wont have to come to that but yes that is the account of my lesbian admirer. go me.

Taking Care of Business

well im sitting here drinking my throat tea and apparently, according to the tea bag, my word is my greatest power. and so, i shall use my super powers to write a blog. yesterday was pretty eventful. first of all i greeted the day at 6, like always on sundays, to discover that whatever microbes are living in jens lungs right now had found their way into my life, and i was headachey, tired, winded, and muscle aching like a mad man. needless to say, i didnt want to go to work, but these things arent really negotiable, so i summoned my walk it off mentality and got my ass down to the fox. once i was changed and ready to go, i was still feeling lousy, so i decided was going to make a consious effort to kill this cold, since i dont have time this week to be sick. not to mention i had supper plans with steve and his mum and stepdad for that evening (details to follow) and i wanted to be not sick in their presence. so, i put on my kitchen sweater, zipped it up, put the hood up and tied it. i then proceeded to work the whole shift in this state in an effort to sweat it out. i also pumped the clear fluids like orange juice and green tea all day, and in between orders i jogged on the spot in front of teh grill to keep my sweat going. it was difficult, because the sickness was making me tired and weak, but i stuck to my mind over matter philosophy and stayed strong. the worst part was just how winded i was while i was trying to cook, that and i think i was feverish off and on all day so it was difficult to even get a sweat going, let a lone keep it up. i also made a point of not eating at all in order to starve the cold and be hungry enough for the dinner plans. this helped a lot i think but it contributed to my weakening. nikolai was good to me and fielded all the questions about my bizarre outfit, james said i looked like a transporter. nikolai said that i transform from a greasy dancing she cook into a red and black haired white stripes fan, which i think isnt really a transformation at all but whatever. anyway so work finally ended and steve picked me up and had his first exposure to my degreasing/humanizing ritual that takes place after work and before i go out. according to him it was "quite a production" which isnt really true but i was back in the game after my shower. i felt much better but i didnt really like my outfit but i was glad i wore it because it covered my forearms well (took a couple of good hits during the tired weakened work shift) and was appropriate for the restaurant. the restaurant had a very nice atmosphere and i enjoyed the company and the conversation once the topic was diverted from seafood and vegetarianism and medical school. i had to be careful not to get tanked off one drink though because as soon as my vodka soda went down i was feeling it since i hadnt eaten anything so i munched on bread and tried to keep my mouth shut until my pasta arrived. the pasta was pretty good, but steve was disappointed with his portion size on his meal which i knew would happen and i felt bad for not suggesting he get a salad which i thought of but didnt vocalise cause im an idiot. anyway after dinner we went and saw teh hills have eyes. see, there are good horror movies and there are bad horror movies. as far as i understand it, good horror movies can be further subdivided into creepy movies that are really quite scary, and realyl gory movies that dont have much of a point but are really bloody but well done. the hills have eyes would fit into the latter. as far as being a complete blood bath it was good and the cinematography was good and it was well done as far as this kind of movie goes. that being said, it was so pointless. the writing was bad, the acting was mediocre, and there was no story or plot at all. none. it was just a spectacle of meaningless violence and debauchery and i couldnt believe how many people left the theatre cause it was grossing them out because it was all so fake and not scary at all. i would liken my opinion on this movie to my opinion on heavy metal. i can appreciate it and i see why other people like it but its so not my thing and yet i keep finding myself watching movies like this and listening to heavy metal for reasons unknown to me. aynway on the whole i had an excellent night and a not so excellent day but im feeling much better today after some shut eye and thats all i have to say about that.

Some Notable Dialogues

well since i havent been posting very often, im sure youre all wondering what ive been up to. the truth is, not much, but i have decided to put some of my more hilarious dialogues down for all to see. so here we go.

steve: what time is it?
chloé: 8:10
steve: is this your idea of sleeping in?
chloé: hell yes

chloé: so today after the lesson we're going to dissect some flowers-
taylor (11 year old child): can we dissect a fetus?
chloé: uh, not today.

amit: why did you throw your tea on the floor?
chloé: i didnt throw my tea on the floor, it fell.
amit: no, i saw you. you did it on purpose
chloé: shut up

clancy: well i need to go to the bank
chloé: shut up let me buy you a sandwich. i still feel bad for blowing you off on tuesday
clancy: so this can be our ad-hoc make up lunch

nikolai: remember the running man?
chloé: that was good times, we should bring that back
(chloé and nik do the running man, bartender looks horrified)
chloé: this is why they keep us in the back
nikolai: yeah weve been out here for like thirty seconds and we've already managed to make complete fools of ourselves
chloé: go us

owen: why dont you go hug a tree you dirty hippy
chloé: why dont you go hug your mom, shes the only one who loves you

chloé: so nik, my mum wanted me to tell you she thinks your hot
nik: what (looks embarassed)
chloé: i told you shes a milf. but ive been thinking about it and you can marry my mum when my dad dies thats ok with me.
nik: ok thats just wrong

chloé: well i told nik that he can have my mum when my dad dies, so he won't be alone forever
jill: aww well thats nice.
chloé: yes. i know that nikolai will be a good father to me
nikolai: ok our relationship has reached a level that is so out of touch with reality that it doesnt even make sense any more

steve: i wish i lived in the marvel universe. i would take you with me chloé
chloé: would i be a princess
steve: yes

My Cup Runneth Over Again

today while i was at sabrina's, i was watching her dance to my natalie merchant cd and i was so full of joy. i almost fell to my knees thanking God for all of the things in my life right now. i am so thankful for my mother, who has guided me through so much; for kate, my darling girl who will always be there to plant both of my feet firmly back on the ground; for jen, who understands the importance of watching forrest gump two or three times a week; for my jobs, i love them both so and sabrina is a light in my life; and for steve, who wandered into my life as unexpectedly as a warm autumn breeze, but whose welcome comfort has been caressing my life incessantly ever since. i am so undeserving of all of these blessings and i hope that i will never forget how happy i felt today, because there will come a time when i am being tested again and i want to look back on this time in my life for strength, to remember that there is always a better tomorrow, as i am learning in this day, this perfect day, that i exist in now.

Bridges

well today i went to bridges, the all vegetable-tarian eatery on campus for my second time ever. the food there actually isnt very good and i only went cause i was planinng on going to the greenhouse right after, but that fell through and is another story to be told another time. anyway so i got the special of the day at bridges which consisted of four spring rolls, a gigantic samosa, a salad, and four little falafels. the whole thing was pretty tasteless except for the spring rolls which were very MSG, not cool. but the tamarind sauce was good and the salad was fresh, plus teh samosa was nice and filling... just not tasty enough. i also got a drinking box with strawberry soy milk in it... ive never had the strawberry before. it was good but i always feel like milk and milk like products on campus are never cold enough. they have to be so cold. i was also amazed at this guy in front of me who got the same meal, but he also got a huge bowl of pasta and an extra spring roll and a bunch of little samosas, and he ate it all. it was incredible, watching him put away all that food, and i was a little jealous. anyway the one thing i really did like about bridges was the atmosphere, which is why i went in the first place. theres something about bridges that just makes a vegetarian feel safe. its so dark and quiet and i love how EVERYTHING on the menu is vegetarian, you arent stuck wondering if chicken stock has made its way into your food or feeling guilty about food being cooked on the same grill as meat or being forced to be a pain in the ass by modifying the menu all over the place. its so gratifying to read a whole menu and be like i will have this please, and you can be talking about any item and you dont even have to give it a closer look or a second thought. theres just something about being there that seperates you from the world and you feel so apart and among your people and the people who are there who arent vegetarian are getting a taste of your lifestyle for a change and its them who feels a little out of place, a little odd. and theres a strange kind of comfort in that for me. i dont know why. but i like it.

May You Live To Forget This Night

well a big happy birthday to my roomate, matt, also referred to as matieu and matt des maths at home... he turned 22 yesterday, and let me tell you, he was HILARIOUS. he had his party at the pepperjack café for open mike night, and long story short, this girl that is totally infatuated with matt showed up and by the time they were both intoxicated, they were sucking face like no tomorrow. it was HILARIOUS. it happened so suddenly and it didnt stop and i laughed and laughed and laughed. matt, you are so pimpin. other highlights include the arrival of a threesome who decided that steve and i were lepers, and a very chill conversation with another couple at the leper table which included "so steve what do you do?" and us having a laugh and me being like yes, what DO you do, which was excellent. i also enjoyed the guy who beat boxes.. ive heard him before hes excellent, and steve was like get up i want to SEE him which was adorable. anyway so yes, until the next brithday, adieu.

Better Climax Than An Erotic Novel

WELL i have quite a few things to talk about today. first of all, a thousand thank yous go out to shayla for hooking me up with both the original dolly parton version of jolene, and the dolly parton duet with melissa etheridge of jolene. both versions are spectacular. dolly parton is the shit and i love melissa etheridge as much as any straight woman can love a lesbian rock star. anyway my comments on the dolly parton orginal is that its jsut as excellent as the cover... i agree with shayla that jack white adds an element of desperation to it that dolly doesnt and that makes his version more haunting which is what is so moving about it, but that said, the dolly parton version has that whole "i will slap you six ways from sunday, bitch" thing going for it. as for the duet, ive heard dolly and melissa together before (thats actually how it came about that shayla found it for me) and the two of them sing together beautifully. melissa's soulful gravelly voice adds the right amount of emotion to the piece and dolly's more feminine harmony really makes it quite the girl power experience. that and i think dolly sings beautifully. anyway so that was the big excitment in my life last nite... listening to three versions of jolene over and over and over again.
the other thing i wanted to talk about was something nik and i were discussing at work yesterday. nik and i listen to a lot of elvis at work, cause i do love that old time rock n roll (that kind of music just soothes the soul). anyway i was lamenting to nik about how no one ever does elvis covers and i dont understand why when there are so many elvis impersonators. and he suggested that the presence of so many impersonators is probably the very reason why no one makes any covers. this is possibly true, but i think that in light of there being so many impersonators, hearing some elvis covers would be at the very least refreshing... and they wouldnt be such a bad idea, because i mean elvis had the most number one hits of all time or whatever, so like i mean theyre good songs. and the fact that his music is still so popular just confirms that. so all of you rock stars out there... i need a little more fire, a little less spark, get off your asses and do an elvis cover.

Jack White Rocks My World

well, i have been obsessively listening to the white stripes cover (its actually a dolly parton song believe it or not, i would like to hear her version of it actually... so is the song "i will always love you" that whitney houston popularised) of jolene for the last three days (probably more than a hundred times, no word of a lie) and smoking like a madman lately... i really should write jack white a letter and tell him that his music is getting me through university... anyway, since jolene is eating my soul (it is three minutes of heaven) i figure i should post the lyrics and encourage everyone to find a copy of it and listen to it.

JOLENE: By Dolly Parton
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging of you, please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
Please don't take him even though you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
And your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you Jolene
And he talks about you in his sleep
And there's nothing I can do to keep from crying
When he calls your name Jolene
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging of you, please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
Please don't take hime even though you can
Well I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don't know what he means to me Jolene
Well you could have your choice of man
But I could never love again
He's the only one for me Jolene
And I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do Jolene
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don't take him even though you can

Someone I Think Arden Will Meet

a man in a wheelchair enters the crowded café. the old time jazz, so full of soul, keeps time for the ebb and flow of conversation and the influxes of joy as people come and go. a woman arrives, meeting the man in the chair. they appear to be on a date, not their first, but they have not been together long, either. before the woman sits down, she tells the man she needs a favour. the favour is that he permit her to move the tables they are sitting at so that the two tables are evened up. of course the man accomodates her. she finally sits down and pulls a book out of her purse, and suddenly she has a disgusted look on her face, holding her hands poignantly, with disdain. her hands are small, and she has contorted them so that they almost look stricken with palsy or paralysis. the cause of her suffering is the presence of jam on the cover of her book, which she had smeared "all over her hands." it took her a while to decide what to do; finally she went and got a cup of water from the staff and rinsed her hands. why she didnt go to the washroom, i dont know. the man kindly got some napkins and wiped the table while she was fussing, and for some inexplicable reason did not accuse her of being totally insane. as they sit and chat, she holds her coffee cup to her lips precariously, touching the ceramic as little as possible with her mouth, with her hands. she holds the handle of the cup gingerly in her right fingers and supports the left side with two fingertips of her left hand, her other fingers poised out, like little limbs unfurled for action. what a proud neurotic. what is this man doing with her? does he find her habit of smoothing her eyebrows endearing? or maybe he likes the way her eyebrows run almost parallel to her widow's peak. or maybe she is kind. kindness can be hard to come by these days.

Mack Daddy

well today wasnt that exciting. i had yoga today and im sure ill be feeling it tomorrow, but i really enjoyed teh yoga mat that jen gave me for christmas and it went so nice with my new yoga pants. anyway i also had my first plant physiology lab, and i ended up kind of ditching amit, because this chick who i know from lab and class snagged my lab partner skills before he did. anyway i felt sort of bad about it until the end of the lab when ryan and kyster and i were waiting around for him to finish up and i realised he was macking up the french babe. so that was the highlight of my day... amit macking up the french babe. hats off to you amit! although today was the second time id seen her and when i saw her the first time someone else was trying to mack her up so i dunno man she seems to be a hot commodity (those crazy foreign chicks!) so you better strike while the irons hot and use the lab partner solidarity to your advantage. its gotten you this far ;)

Episode II: Amit and Chloé Do Japan

Amit’s Review:

This past Monday, Chloe and I finally ‘Did Japan’; through the medium of the Noodle Chef. WOWEEEE! This place had great service, as soon as we walked in the hostess greeted us with piping hot green tea and menus. I enjoyed the atmosphere, it was quite relaxing and it was amplified by the green tea, which had a nice Japanese taste to it (unlike the English green tea I drink at home). After much deliberation we ordered vegetarian sushi of the radish and avocado kind, gyoza, tofu and shrimp ramen. The food was prepared fresh and right in front of Chloe’s eyes (I wasn’t watching), she seemed extremely fascinated by it, like the hypnotic jiggling of a fat man’s belly. Anyway in no time flat, we were chowing down. The sushi was awesome, the tofu was not so good (not a fan of tofu blocks), and the ramen was pretty. That’s right I said pretty, so much thought went into the presentation, it was very simplistic, but it made it ever more appetizing (refer to schematic below). What I really enjoy was the fact the hostess gave us chopsticks and no forks or knifes because most places never give you chopsticks. Following some after dinner green tea for two, Chloe and I headed out, but not home because the service was so fast, we had time for more downtown adventuring. We stopped off at the local bubble tea house (I don’t remember the name) and like ‘bakas’ we over complicated the ordering of the bubble tea, good thing the hostess was patient (and cute!). Overall the Noodle Chef and Bubble Tea Night get a rating of dragonfruit!

Chloé’s Review:

This past Monday, Amit and I finally did japan by going to noodle chef, which until Monday afternoon, I had been referring to as mr noodle. Why that is, I don’t know. The restaurant was your typical low budget Japanese eatery, but the server was extremely nice, and since there was not another soul in the place, we got top of the line attention. The green tea that generally gets put in front of you at establishments like this was excellent, piping hot and had that oh so pleasant Japanese aroma, you can almost taste the sea breeze in it. Anyway so amit and I perused the menu for ages, since were both terribly indecisive. We finally decided to get two kinds of sushi, avacado maki and sweet radish maki, vegetable gyoza, tofu, and amit got shrimp tempura ramen soup. The sushi, which is never a bad choice, was delicious, and I was playing the “chloé tries to eat as much wasabi as possible without expelling her sinuses all over the table” game, which I always win. I was so impressed at how the waitress was making our food fresh to order, and doubly impressed because if she had have gotten busy, it would have been challenging indeed to have to serve tables and make food. Also I was happy about her bringing chopsticks and only chopsticks because I think it compromises the whole Japanese flavour of the restaurant when they have forks and knives on the table. Plus I love the idea of being out with my friends to dinner and having one of them have to suffer the humiliation of requesting a fork because they are too incompetent to eat with chopsticks. Anyway the gyoza was good, nice and hot, but it had a slight msg taste to it, not my favourite. I think the gyoza would have been improved if they had served it with a sweet dipping sauce instead of the saltier one it came with. This would have better complemented the saltiness of the gyoza itself. The tofu was less than remarkable, but this is often the case with restaurant tofu, so I don’t hold it against the noodle chef, he is a noodle chef after all, not a tofu chef. Amit’s tempura soup was by far the best looking of all the things we ordered. The presentation was both appetizing and original, and the portion was very generous. Anyway, the food was painfully inexpensive, a good choice for paupers like ourselves, and I left the server almost 30% cause she was so nice and we enjoyed our food so much. We then proceeded to the bubble tea place, which was an adventure in itself, and im pretty sure we were by far the most idiotic customers that the server had to deal with that day. The bubble tea wasn’t the best ive ever had, but the inside of the place was very nice. All in all this nite out gets a sweet july cherry.

Song of The Week

Super Star-Sheryl Crow

Let's go all downtown I got friends doing nothing but hanging around...

well I feel like there's something I could be missing

you know you look alright

You got cheap shoes a Malibu and big public fights

Well there's no one else I would rather be kissing

Baby when you start to bleed you look so sweet

Everybody's watching you cause everybody wants to be

A little superstar well baby that's what you are

Little superstar, oh honey that's what you are

I got a backstage line

I call you up been watching you for quite some time

I beat around the streets like Bandini looking for Camilla

I'll be satin and speed

If you and I are still alive we'll get off these streets

Well, there was a time I would've hung around just to be seen

Hey man, it's a shame when you start to fade

Diamond rings and sparkily things won't make your shine stay

My little superstar, oh baby that's what you are

My little superstar, oh honey you break my heart

My little superstar, oh honey you know you are

My little superstar, oh honey you break my heart

Botanists Reunited

what a day what a day what a day. today i had my first plant physiology class, and who should be there.... none other than my dear friend amit. it was doubly cool because him and i met in a plant class and here we are, in a plant class together again. also i was excited to see that theres only like thirty people in the class, and its about time the class sizes went down around here. so then amit and i went for coffee for we had much to talk about and much to reminisce. also i picked up my tips from the bar, and i guess the manager was in a good mood when he did them because my tips were addressed to bruce wayne, which just made my day. after coffee i went over to amits and we played cards and his roomate enlisted me to teach him how to knit and how to crochet and i believe to help him with guitar. i also learned that amit can do chin ups which is impressive, since hes sort of small. then the three of us went to our next class and that was cool and then i went back over to their house and chilled for a little while, then i went out for lunch with clancy and i ate tons and tons and it was all very gratifying. anyway needless to say, it was an excellent day, much more excellent than yesterday, which were going to forget about. :)

Things I Wish I Could Keep Better Track Of

1) my keys
2) the day of the week
3) the days of the month
4) what time it is
5) my plans with other people
6) my cigarettes
7) my lighters

We're Back, Ready for Round Two

well well well, after ringing in the new year in a more or less unexciting and uneventful manner, we are all ready to go for term two. woo hoo. honestly my life is passing me by. i think i need to go speak to an academic counsellor about what i need to do to write the MCAT next year... which is frightening and whatnot. i love how my future is hinging on a test. a very difficult test. its all very upsetting. anyway, next subject. jen still isnt home from her vacation.. she said shes coming home today though. i hope she gets here soon though i miss her and matt and i decided we wanted to have some family time when she gets back, cause its been a while, what with exams and all. anyway, today was spent mostly waiting in line. i was waiting in line for OSAP for like an hour and a half, which sucked, and then at the athletics and recreation office for almost another hour. but at least i got my OSAP, and i signed up for two yoga classes so i can use the mat that jen gave me for christmas. i have the seven am class again on thursdays and mondays, which probably means teh end of the sunday night "meetings" of the "breakfast club" at work. we shall have to find a new day im thinking. what else. i only have one class on tuesdays (again) this semester, so i went to that and spent the rest of the day in the aforementioned line waiting activites. big plans tonite: returning my movie and buying milk. possibly renting another movie. (sighs) so lame. oh speaking of movies i went to see memoirs of a geisha last friday and it was excellent. it was a little long but ive never been one to have a problem with that sort of thing. it was interesting and kept my attention, and i really liked its aesthetic. good directing, the whole thing was splendid. and the main character was the chick who was the evil chick in crouching tiger/hidden dragon, who i really hated in that movie, she was such a whiny bitch. i was worried that i wouldnt like memoirs of a geisha because of her presence, but she was quite good, it must just be the CHARACTER in crouching tiger that i didnt like, which is good cause youre supposed to hate that character, and my dislike of said character shows what a versatile and talented actor she is. also, michelle yogh was excellent as always, and the chick who played the evil character in memoirs of a geisha (not the chick who played teh evil chick in crouching tiger) was suberb. she totally stole the show. she was so convincing and excellent and beautiful and just a fantastic actor. id liek to see more of her for sure. anyway so, all in all i would reccommend memoirs, but its not a super exciting movie or anything so you ahve to be in the mood for a more mellow movie.

The Morning After The Christmas Party

i greet the morning and look at my clock; it is 830. there is no sunlight since it is cloudy and raining and i know that i will not be getting back to sleep. i get out of bed and drink some water and some apple juice and put on some pyjamas, since i went to bed naked. i get back in bed and notice that i smell of different colognes, none of them mine. i cant help but laugh at all the madness of the party, the hugs and kisses and having to babysit and spending too much money but you cant put a price on fun, i think ahead to this lonesome day, planning my to do list, which i eventually write down. the day c0ntinues, slow and steady into evening, and i get everything done. joyeux noel.

Happy Birthday Jesus

well i have been home celebrating the birth of our Lord and Saviour, which is why i havent posted in a while. not to mention the fact that my life has been more or less unexciting for the last couple of weeks... except for that whole thing where ive started dating a cage fighter lol. but there isnt really much more to say about that at the moment. anyway Christmas celebrations at teh McIntosh home have been more or less excellent, with the community christmas dinner being both successful and delicious. i also recieved a new jacket from my parents which is super exciting because jackets are possibly the most excellent fashion item. i also got a mixing/blending machine from my dad which i am very excited to use... and i have to bake a cake for nikolai on friday so i will be busting it out hardcore. nik is turning 25... damn hes old. lol. anyway tonite is my displaced new years eve to be celebrated with my good and noble comrades, since i will be back in hammer town on teh evening of the actual event. im looking forward to that. also looking forward to my staff party on wednesday which should be pretty sloppy i think. anyway as i was sitting here i just got to thinking about all of my friends at their homes and how im sure were all in teh same boat... simultaneously having an excellent time and missing hamilton. so best wishes as follows:
best wishes to jen, up in ottawa, party hard dear roomate, party hard
best wishes to matt, visiting his grandparents, dont go too crazy with the weed butter
best wishes to amit, in missasagua, have a drink for me buddy
best wishes to shayla, in costa rica, dont get hepatitis
best wishes to meagan, in stratford, i hope your huge family is doing well
best wishes to nida, in ancaster, not so far away from hamilton, hope youre having fun
best wishes to natalia, (in missasagua, i think), i hope your parents are enjoying your boyfriend more
best wishes to all my buddies at work... im sure youre holding down the fort

What Ever Happened?

well i felt like posting somethng but i dont really have anything exciting to say. soooooooooooo instead i would invite you to contemplate something. what ever happened to matthew broderick? i know hes married to sarah jessica parker and they have a kid now, but i mean come on. the last thing he did that i can recall is that stupid inspector gadget movie, which was so lame. what happened to the days of ferris bueler? and while were on this topic id like to know what happened to a few other people as well. what happened to john cusak? i mean i realise that serendipity movie was probably a career destroying disaster, but why did he do that movie in the first place? didnt he read the script before he signed on? and what happened to michael keaton? did him and tim burton have a tiff or something and now the two of them are depriving us of batman/batman returns/beetlejuice calibre movies? that doesnt seem fair to me. and what happened to susan sarandon? hmmm.....

My New Anthem

Talk To Me Now: Ani Difranco

He said, "Ani, you've gotten tough"

Cause my tone was curt

And when I am approached in a dark alley, I don't lift my skirt

In this city, self-preservation is a full time occupation

I'm determined to survive on this shore

You know I don't avert my eyes anymore

In man's world, I am a woman by birth

And I turn 19 times around, I have found

They will stop at nothing once they know what you are worth

Talk to me now

I played the powerless in too many dark scenes

And I was blessed with a birth and a death and I guess I just want some say in between

Don't you understand

In the day to day or the face to face

I have to act just as strong as I can

Just to preserve a place where I can be who I am

Talk to me now

Will you still know how, you can talk to me now

He said, "Ani, you've gotten tough"

Cause my tone was curt

And when I am approached in a dark alley, I don't lift my skirt

In this city, self-preserevation is a full time occupation

I'm determined to survive on this shore

You know I don't avert my eyes anymore

In a man's world, I am a woman by birth

And I turn 19 times around, I have found

They will stop at nothing once they know what you are worth

Talk to me now

Sober Chloé Has Left the Building

well. today was exam number one of five total and four in this week. (!) but thats not what i want to talk about other than the fact that i wrote the exam hungover which i also did for the midterm in that class. im such a bad student. anyway so today was such a brutal day. i get to school and i remembered that i had this assignment due today that i had done but i didnt print it off and bring it to school. so i decided to go to my linguistics class, which was more or less a waste of time, and then skip ecology so i could go home and get this assignment because i also had to go all the way to queen street to drop off my damn ass pay sheet for my work with sabrina. so i come home, print off the assignment, mow down on some sidekicks (mmmm hangover) and then go down to queen street, drop off my pay thing, get back on the bus, go back to school and hand in my stupid assignment, and then go write my stupid exam. anyway on the way from queen street to school, the bus was really packed, and all of these high school students got on, and this one kid i felt so bad for. he was probably in about grade nine and he got on the bus and i was standing by the back door and he pushed through and was like excuse me i need to get off, i dont like being crowded. it was so heartbreaking. he was obviously totally claustrophobic and when he walked off he kind of had a gimpy leg and he wore his little toque, and he seemed like such a loner that other kids probably made fun of. and i felt so bad for him my heart was breaking into thousands of pieces as i watched him walk away and i wanted to jump off the bus and chase him down and be like let me walk with you, but alas i could not because of my other obligations. anyway so then after my exam, i got the school paper and a tea and i went to wait for my bus and then the bus came and i opened up my wallet and my student card wasnt there, so i was worried i lost it, so i backed off from the bus to look for it, and the bus driver was waiting for me with the door open and he yells out to me, you cant bring that cup on the bus anyway (which is technically true but most of teh bus drivers let you bring anything on the bus) so by this time i had found my student card and he was liek are you coming or not and i was like no go. so i had to sit in the cold and wait for another bus, but at least i had my tea.

Fire and Water

she is fire, red with passion, red with spark, red with flame.
she is fire, she is red.
he is water, blue with calm, blue with serenity, blue with the cool
he is water, he is blue.
the fire and the water the fire and the water the fire and the water...........
the water quenches the thirst of the fire while the red warms the blue
and the two the two they exist concurrently
together for each other
needing each other to maintain their own existences
she is fire, she is red
he is water, he is blue

OOO, I Love My Brown Eyed Girl

well this is a little belated but heres a big birthday sendout to kate. happy 20th, buddy. heres to many more.

BROWN EYED GIRL- VAN MORRISON

Hey where did we go,

Days when the rains came

Down in the hollow,

Playin' a new game,

Laughing and a running hey, hey

Skipping and a jumping

In the misty morning fog with

Our hearts a thumpin' and you

My brown eyed girl,

You my brown eyed girl.

Whatever happened

To Tuesday and so slow

Going down the old mine

With a transistor radio

Standing in the sunlight laughing,

Hiding behind a rainbow's wall,

Slipping and sliding

All along the water fall, with you

My brown eyed girl,

You my brown eyed girl.

Do you remember when we used to sing,

Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da

So hard to find my way,

Now that I'm all on my own.

I saw you just the other day,

My how you have grown,

Cast my memory back there,

Lord Sometime I'm overcome thinking 'bout

Making love in the green grass

Behind the stadium with you

My brown eyed girl

You my brown eyed girl

Do you remember when we used to sing

Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da.

Go Lab, Go

well today i had the most all encompassing day ever. in my little internal schedule that i have set for the week, i have decided that tonite (monday) i MUST complete my invertebrate lab that is due on thursday in order to have time to do my enormous english essay that is also due thursday that i havent even chosen a topic for. so in order to do this lab i had to go get the data from the life sciences building because the data is in the form of photocopies of strips of paper with lines on them. anyway the data was made available to us on friday but i couldnt go get it friday cause i had to work and i couldnt go on the weekend because i had to work. so today was teh day. so i didnt actualyl know where my tas office was, but my lab group had told me that that was where we were supposed to pick up the infamous data. so im wandering around life sciences and not seeing any data anywhere. so i decide that this isnt going so well so i go to the library to try and see if i can find the tas office number on the internet somewhere. this proved to be a complete waste of time, so i ended up emailing my lab partner with the hope that maybe he would get back to me within an hour or so. so in order to kill some time i got a little lunch (or maybe i did that before the email... yes i think thats actually how it went) anyway, and then i headed back to life sciences to try the fifth floor because i hadnt tried there yet. anyway i was still having no luck so i decided to swallow my shyness and go ask my teacher.
now, my teacher is a little crazy. i think he has a deep seated phobia of undergrads and i know he was eager to get me out of his office as soon as humanly possible, but he was nice and took me to my tas office which was on teh second floor after all, with no label on the door (of course! why would they label the door? if they did that people might actually find the things that theyre looking for!), and this little adventure included a very awkward elevator ride with my teacher as i tried very poorly to shoot the shit with him.
anyway so he knocks on the door of the office and someone answers and he bolts like a bat out of hell, leaving me at teh mercy of this INSANE office that is like 20 little tiny cubicles with tas all working sweatshop style on who knows what but theres a combination lock on the door so im sure it has something to do with taking over the world. so anyway i ask my ta where the data is, and she starts chastising the hell out of me. shes all like i told everyone to get it on friday and youre not the first student to be asking for it this late and i dont understand why this is and blah blah blah. anyway in amongst her chastising i determined that she did not KNOW where the data was because she only made ONE copy for each group and so if the data wasnt lying in a box on the floor in one of the hallways of the enormous building then it was probably gone. but then, after more chastising she told me she still had the originals and that i could borrow mine and photocopy it and bring it back. so then she asks me over to her desk and starts wading through all of the originals except for one and mine wasnt there... and shes looking and looking and looking and not finding mine but she keeps over looking this one, which of course was mine. so she gives it to me finally and chastises me some more for starting the lab so close to the due date. then shes like oh yes and heres your last lab report, and pulls it out of a drawer and shes like i really liked your lab report a lot. most of the students jsut wrote a lot about other papers and didnt consider their own results enough but you didnt do that you write good lab reports, you do it properly. and then she starts giving me all these amazing compliments on my mad lab writing skills and finally gives the report to me, which she had assigned a big fat 90 to. so i was all thanking her and stuff and then i left to make my photocopies feeling very confused indeed.
anyway so i make my photocopies and then my day was more or less uneventful except for this part where some guy told a bus driver to fuck off for letting more people on the bus which was totally uncalled for, and the part where i had to make more photocopies of journal articles... i think ive spent like at least 30 dollars on photocopies this term. its really sickening how much paper ive had to waste. if i have to make one more photocopy, i think i might puke.

Losing Yourself

having never been one for looking people in the eye (a habit which i am constantly trying to get into, but constantly running into a wall of shyness), it takes a few drinks for me to get up the nerve sometimes. but once i do, it can be very rewarding. if you look the right person in the eye, its as if eternity has passed between you. as if those honey brown eyes are swallowing you like pools of warm amber and are never going to release you. and you forget what you were thinking and what you were saying and what you were doing, and that the person behind those eyes is even a person at all. and the only coherent thought that might occur to you is i wonder if there is this kind of power in my gaze? or is it hidden behind all of the sorrow and insecurity and a red pair of glasses. OR is it hidden behind all of these things to most people, but this person sees beyond all that and i have created the same eternity for them... with my eyes green-blue-grey like the sea skies, swallowing and all encompassing and never going to release the other person. and they forget what they were thinking and saying and doing and that the person behind my eyes is a person at all. it is at times like this, when this mutual moment of depth occurs that two people really are absolute before one another.. where these two people are totally vulnerable, open, and willingly so. it is not possible to keep a secret from the other person at this moment, but luckily you cant really say much anyway. and then, just when you cannot stand it for another single second, you break your gaze, or drop your smokes, or its your turn to shoot darts, and the moment has passed, just leaving you wondering if you will ever have a moment, an eternity, like that with someone, anyone, ever again.

More On My Birthday

well, i finally got my birthday photos (thanks patch), one of which i dont even remember being taken. so without further ado, the photographic evidence.

This is a photo of patch and i, and is also the one i dont remember posing for. patch had the most amazing halloween costume ever, as you can see he has grown a mustache, and then he made a tshirt that said "mustache rides, 25 cents". classic. simple but genius. in the wordes of winger, i wish i had a quarter.
This is a photo of me molesting shannon. the circumstances surrounding this photo are excellent. you see patch, who was the one taking pictures, was on all accounts, pretty bombed, and he was like "ok, chloé and shannon, i want your picture, but i want it to be good, so go stand in the corner" and we were like "ok!" so then once we got to the corner, he was like "now do something sexy" so CLEARLY my ONLY option was to molest shannon.... i had been wanting to all nite anyway.

Finally, we have the picture of chloé and clancy posing as zombies. clancy looked even more like the undead before i fixed the red eyes. now he just looks like hes a million miles away. gotta love the last hour of the nite.

Why Have An Office If You Aren't Sitting In It?

alright i made this a seperate post from the last one because the two thoughts are terribly terribly unrelated. also it gives you, my faithful readers, more bang for your buck because you get to be like, oh look, two new posts how exciting. instead of one long one which isnt very exciting and also less likely to be read all the way through. anyway so today i went to ray procwats office to get some journal articles for my invertebrate lab thats due tomorrow. ray procwat is this administrative guy in the biology department, a very nice guy with a very lot of things to do. anyway so for whatever reason he has been made keeper of the photocopies of the invertebrate journal articles and when i got there he was not there, so naturally he had his door shut and locked with all of the precious articles inside. why they are inside, i could not say, because his office is inside of a bigger office, so couldnt they put the articles in a filing cabinet in the outer office somewhere so that when he is gone we can still access them? wouldnt that make sense? i mean why do they have to be under lock and key when hes not there. especially since we can get them at the library, which i tried yesterday, but 2 of them were off the shelves, meaning someone else was somewhere in the library looking at them, which is why i was at rays office in the first place. anyway i waited around for him for a while but he didnt come and i decided that i was wasting precious lab writing time by waiting around so i left. and now im wasting more precious lab writing time blogging. terrible.

Productivity Is Relative

well yesterday i didnt really do very much homework, but i did clean up the apartment (except for the bathroom, damn do we need some liquid plumber in there) and i bought groceries. i finally decided to be adventurous and by vegetarian bacon.. its actually pretty good. i just hate it when i buy groceries though because although i save money on eating out when i have food in the house, i tend to spend the following couple of days pigging out just because of the novelty of it. maybe i should start buying foods i dont like very much, and then this wont happen. anyway so right now im eating lime crispy minis which are new as far as i know. theyre good, not as good as miss vickies lime and black pepper chips, and not as good as the dill pickle crispy minis, but theyre better than say, the caramel ones. also i have been having the most amazing breakfast drink of all time lately. matt had bought some plain yoghurt but he didnt know what it tasted like, and he discovered he doesnt like it at all, so he asked me if i could find a use for it. i certainly could. ive been mixing my vanilla soy powder with vanilla soy milk and then adding the plain yoghurt to it and then topping it all off with mango nectar. this morning i had it with apricot nectar. needless to say the whole thing really makes my day and im glad because ive never been one for eating breakfast but everyone is always telling me i should. i also realised that my entire diet pretty much consists of liquids and sandwiches, with little variation.

Why I Study Biology

man today i was walking to school, and on the way i found this leaf. it was a maple leaf. the veins had turned to orange and there was green around the orange, with deep purple surrounding it all. it looked like the veins were bleeding, the way it looks when you drop diluted ink onto fabric, and the ink finds its way along the threads, spreading out like little spidery silks or diseases. anyway i picked up this leaf and i was so capitivated. its beauty overtook me and i had such upwelling in my soul... i felt there could be nothing more beautiful in all the world than this leaf. and it is such because there is no effort in it, no intention, just the chaotic everlasting beauty of nature, of biology. i thought about all the beauty in living things, the care that goes into building a spider web, the systematic movements of ants as they collect food, the epiphytes of the rainforest as they sustain the most diverse and immense ecosystems with nutrients, this leaf. there is so much beauty i dont know what to do with it sometimes.

"The greatest beauty is organic wholeness,

the wholeness of life and things,

the divine beauty of the universe."

-Robinson Jeffers

Dear Blue Hat

i wish you were here. im so sorry that i left you in my logic tutorial classroom on that fateful winter day. you left my life as quickly and mysteriously as you entered... i should have known i never deserved you. i miss the way i could wear you four different ways, and how your velvety corduroy always smelled so nice. my brown hat just isnt the same. nothing will replace you, blue hat of mine.

Eating Out: Amit and Chloé's First Restaurant Review

Amit’s Review:
So tonight Chloe and I went to this restaurant called Gates of India to get some sweet Indian Lovin (mmmm Indian love). So we get down there, and Chloe was quite impressed with the atmosphere because it matched her clothes so well. With a table for two by candlelight, I take charge and start ordering some foods (mmmeees hungry). I start with two mango lassis, one order of vegetable pakora and one order of onion bhaji. The lassi was the opposite of sour and the pakoras and bhajis were fried to perfection. Main course consisted of mushroom sag and sag aloo bhaji with three kinds of Indian breads: poori (deep fried rotli), chapatti (lighty fried rotli) and naan. No doubt aboot it, the breads were ‘off the hook’ and the mushrooms were unbelievable. The aloo bhaji was challe (ok), but not as bad as I originally predicted. I had to scold Chloe for her illegal fork play, it is against the rules. I enjoyed the At-MOSS-FEAR, the service, the foods and the company; it was good times. To finish off the evening like always we got some good-o-fashion ras malai for dessert (I love you soooooooo). As a grant total I give this family food eatery a taiwanese plum.

Chloé’s Review:
So tonight we went to this restaurant called Gates of India to get some sweet Indian Lovin. Gut lovin, that is. Amit, being Indian had the great opportunity to show off his mad Indian skills to me, and needless to say I was impressed. When we walked in, the atmosphere was all red and gold, and went spectacularly with my outfit. Matching your outfit to the décor of a restauraunt is definitely a good omen I think. Anyway so Amit and I were given this table for two in the corner and it was very cozy with a candle, just like he predicted on the bus. He suggested that we start with these mango/yoghurt drinks, which were amazing. We perused the menu for a little while and then Amit ordered everything so as to disguise my incompetence. We got vegetable dumplings, onion dumplings, a mushroom dish, a spinach and potato dish, and three different kinds of bread. The server was courteous and swift, but I think that was a lot to do with the fact that Amit was with me. Anyway the food came and it was delicious, the mushrooms were especially amazing with a hint of spice and tons of flavour. Amit gave me grief for using cutlery because we were having a mad culture clash, me being a French food snob and him being Indian, so he made me surrender my cutlery, which was fine…. I wanted to assimilate. Anyway the food was delicious and we mostly gorged ourselves on bread. Then we had this pistachio/cheesy dessert thing and it was excellent, and it didn’t even make you feel over the top full. Finally, Amit paid the bill in a flourish of appearing like a married couple and we left, with him giving me this handful of after dinner mix stuff that was all fennel and candy and crunch. Overall, this restaurant gets a shining Phillipino mango. YUM. Up next, Mr. Noodle.

In Your Anger, Do Not Sin

Man yesterday was the most frustrating day ever. i got up at 6 for yoga, then i had linguistics tutorial and invertebrates class. class was done at 10:30, and i didnt have class again till 2:30. so my big plan was to go up to limeridge to pick up my sears order, and then come home and shower and change because i was pretty grubby. given that i had four hours, i thought i had plenty of time. anyway so i go to limeridge and i get to sears and im like hello, id like to pick up my sears order. so the lady at the desk is like, whats your phone number. so i give her my phone number and shes like, there is no order placed for that phone number. and i was like, how can that be, i placed the order. so shes like did you maybe place the order under a different phone number, and im like , no definitely not. so shes like ok whats your last name, and i tell her and shes like no we have no order for you. and im like well then what do you want me to do i placed the order. so she tells me to pick up this phone that was sitting there, which is a direct connection to the sears people who have the super computer that is superior to the computer she has which is telling her that i didnt place an order. so i get on the phone with the super computer people and they dont have an order for my phone number either, but they were able to locate my order using my address, and tehy told me it had been recieved at a different location. so i get the address from her and i got directions from the people with the inferior computer, who claimed this other place is a 20-25 minute walk. so, after grabbing a rather disappointing pad thai from the food court, i leave to go find this other pick up location. this so called 25 minute walk was more like a 40 minute walk, and given that i was wearing a tshirt, a sweatshirt, and a sweater, i was sweating my ass off by the time i got there. SO i finally get there and im like hello im here to pick up my sears order, and shes like last name? and i tell her and shes like we have no order for you here. and at this point i was ready to snap. i have not been that angry in a long time. so i was like, what do you mean you dont have one, i just went to limeridge, they didnt have it, they put me on the phone with sears and said you had it. this package is somewhere because it has BEEN RECIEVED by someoone. so she gets on the phone with sears and theyre all like we have no order for that phone number. and eventually she hangs up and doesnt know what to do. so im so pissed and everything and im like alright fine, is there a number or something i can call to make a complaint about this because im very angry and i would like to make a complaint. and so she called this OTHER sears person who, after a bit of super sleuthing figured out that the guy who took my order screwed up big time and placed it under the right name and address and wrong phone number. SO she said it had been recieved at limeridge. and i was like well im not going all the way back there to have them tell me its not there. so this other sears person called limeridge and talked to them and found it and it was there. so i went all the way back and i finally got my package. needless to say i didnt have time for my shower and stuff until after my 230 class. But on the way back on the bus i got to thinking about it, and i sort of felt liek the whole thing was kind of like God was testing my anger to see if i dealt with it appropriately. i felt i did... i wasnt rude or anything to any of the people i dealt with. so then i prayed and stuff and thanked God for testing me and for all sorts of things and so i guess in the end it was a pretty good experience. not to mention the other pick up location is actually closer to my house than limeridge, so i can get my stuff sent there next time. also, how can i be sad when i have a new pair of red shoes?????

Bonne Fete

well well well. its certainly been a while since i posted. this past weekend i went to my parents and that was good times... i saw my sisters dance thing and that was good times too. anyway and then last night was my super amazing birthday bash with my coworkers. jen was supposed to come but decided not to, and matt came for a little while then went home. anyway it was mad good times i wish jen had come she would have had a lot of fun. we all had lots to drink and there were lots of pictures being taken and i got many hugs and kisses from my mad good times coworkers. not to mention i didnt have to pay for any drinks at all. also i wore my pink pants and pink just makes everything right. anyway so then this morning i called kate and woke her up and talked to her for an hour. to tell the truth i didnt feel too bad about waking her up because we dont get to talk too often and i was bored out of my tree lying around in bed waiting until it was time for school. so then i remembered that i have dinner plans with amit tomorrow. im glad i realised because i wouldnt want to stand him up. anyway i guess thats it.