The Night of the Gun

so i finally finished the night of the gun this morning, and it took me much longer than most books do. this was in part due to the fact that my mother and sister were visiting, so i wasnt reading as much this week as usual, but it was mostly due to the writing. this is not a negative comment, its just that this book was a bit more of a thinker and the writing style was quite unlike most books that i read. i think this is because the author, david carr, is a lifetime journalist. but ill get to that in a minute.
this book was very unique in a genre where being unique is damn near impossible. it is a story of a recovering crack/coke addict/alcoholic and his journey from addiction to recovery, relapse and beyond. what makes this version of a tired story so different is that david carr, being a journalist, decided to INVESTIGATE the details of his own demise by doing research and interviews, treating his own tragic life history like another article he was about to write. in so doing, he was trying to reconcile his own version of events with those of the people in his life. the idea is, i suppose, that the truth is somewhere in between. as such, the whole book kind of osillates between reading like a newspaper article and reading like some sort of university essay waxing eloquence about memory and truth. this is what made the reading a little difficult at times, but you have to admire carr's dedication in providing us with the most realistic account and truthful information he could find.
carr transisitons seamlessly between the past and present, holding the reader's interest. he manages to make this story not just one about addiction and recovery, but an analysis of the nature of memory and perception, truth and recollection. rather than taking us through the past journey of his addiction and recovery, the book feels more like hes taking us through the journey of self realisation and discovery that he didnt see coming when he decided to research and write this book. as such, the book is a stand alone in a genre that has been done to death, and it is definitely worth a read. but be prepared to spend a lot of time on it.

The Spellman Files

so once i got through the appeal i picked up the spellman files, which i had read about in the mcnally robinson insert that came with my walrus magazine this month. i was interested in it because it was supposed to be funny. it was, but not quite as laugh your ass off funny as some of the other books ive read. that being said, i really enjoyed this book. it was super original and well written. also, since there are at least two more of the same series, it was in very great danger of being crappy genre fiction, but it wasnt.

so. the spellman files is about this family of private investigators. with the exception of the eldest child, everyone, including the drunken uncle and 14 year old daughter are private investigators. since this family's raison d'etre is snooping in other people's business, they are all immensly paranoid and obsessed with their own privacy. they are also all obsessed with each other's personal lives, which lends more credence to said paranoia.

anyway the story is told from the point of view of the middle child, isabel, and it is her version of the events leading up to her sister'ss disappearance. at the time of her telling us about it, her sister is still missing and no one knows why. what follows is a hilarious tale of a family that doesnt know how to love without being nosy. this book is well thought out, well written, and i look forward to reading the sequels.

The Appeal

so last week i read the appeal, the first john grisham book i have read in years. when i was younger i read the client and the runaway jury and i got about half way through the partner before i decided i had just about had enough of john grisham. for starters, there is only so much legal intrigue a person can take and secondly, i just find his plethora of characters a little superfluous and frustrating. anyway, the reason i started reading a john grisham, despite my inclination not to is because i had finished the book i was reading (sympathy, as discussed earlier) while i was at daves, and i didnt bring a new book and was getting antsy with nothing to read. especially because it was sunday morning and dave was still asleep, which is what usually happens on sunday mornings. anyway, so i scoured his apartment looking for something to read and i found the appeal. i knew i wasnt going to particularly like or dislike this book, but it got the job done, and it was just interesting enough for me to finish it.

so. the appeal. this book is about a couple of lawyers who successfully sue a giant corporate chemical manufacturer who have been illegally dumping toxins into a valley for years. the toxins have penetrated the aquifer that supplies water to a small town nearby and so the people in the town are dropping like flies from the cancer. anyway so the jury finds them guilty and awards the plaintiff damages to the tune of 41 million dollars. this obviously carries certain ramifications because if the award is upheld on appeal, it sets a precedent for everyone ELSE in the town to sue the company for millions of dollars. SO the company is appealing the decision.

since the owner of the company is evil, he gets in touch with this company who will basically fix an election for the supreme court for the low low price of 8 million dollars. he pays them, they set up a candidate who will win the election and vote in his favour when the appeal comes before the supreme court. the bulk of the book is about this election and the ways in which big business (or anyone else with deep pockets) can manipulate the electoral process in order to have elected officials who will vote in their best interests. the whole thing is pretty disgusting and evil and just makes this canadian reader feel oh-so-smug because we dont elect our judges here in the great white north.

as with most of john grisham's other works, the appeal is very technical and tedious, but i have to give him credit for addressing this issue, because it is a serious one. the fact that there are states who elect their jurists leaves an already flawed justice system open to further corruption. the great tragedy of the so-called american dream is that despite its touting claims of anyone being able to do anything they want, it has manifested itself as a distinctly class driven society where the rich and privileged can do what ever they want, and the poor suffer for it. it is frightening to think that this blight of american civilisation could (or maybe does) penetrate the justice system, which is supposed to be unbiased. if someone doesnt sit up and reform this system, all americans will ultimately be at the mercy of big business and its whims. which is not only unjust, it is inhumane.

Never Thought I'd See The Day

that i was frustrated with bees. you see, bees are my third-favourite animal, and i have always been a staunch defender and rescuer of bees. indeed, my comrades when i worked at the bar thought i was insane, climbing all over the kitchen to retrieve bees and put them outside so that they wouldnt be killed. anyway, without digressing into an explanation as to why i love bees so much, i must admit i never thought id see the day but i have. in case you arent aware (and in case i am incorrect, i got the following information from barb, so you can blame her for any wrong-ness) apparently because the winter was so mild (?) more queen bees survived the winter than usual and so the bee population is larger than usual. i also suspect that the garbage strike in toronto that lasted for the first six weeks of summer didnt do anything but exacerbate this situation. anyway, so theres a noticeable increase in the number of bees flying around hamilton. normally i would find this cause for celebration, but unfortunately, these bees (wasps, too) seem (to me anyway) to be very aggressive. theyre always all up in my business. and im like, yo, dawg, im not a flower. anyway so far i have avoided being stung but well see how the rest of "bee season" plays out.

Sympathy

so ive decided that since i read so many books, i might as well start reviewing some of them. last weekend, i finished this book, sympathy, by dede crane. ms. crane is a canadian writer who was shortlisted for the cbc literary awards (i think in 2006 but im not sure) a very prestigious competition that i entered in 2007 and was NOT shortlisted for. anyway, she was also a professional dancer at one point, but as is the case with professional dancers, she is now retired. anyway. this book was pretty excellent. her dance background shone through because the main character is a retired dancer and the whole time i was reading it i thought my sister would probably like it, because the dancer's relationship with her own body because of dance is a fundamental theme in the work. anyway, the story is about this woman, the aforementioned dancer, who has post traumatic stress disorder because she lost her husband and her son in a car wreck and shes gone all catatonic. so her mother has taken her to this private clinic where shes recieving this cutting edge and somewhat controversial treatment called psychokinetic therapy or something. anyway i wont give much more detail than that.
that being said, the book is impressively written and very engaging. the only thing i didnt like about it was how her doctor was sleeping with his receptionist and she was kind of a slut bag but also totally into him and he wasnt really into her and he was kind of a dick about it. but as you learn by the end of the book thats all intentional because he has a big stick up his ass, not to mention some serious mommy issues, as all therapists do. also the main characters mother was very shallow to the point of being irritating, but this was also done on purpose, so its more a testament to the book being good rather than bad, even though it was so very very irritating. anyway i have to cut this review short because im about to run out of time on the computer, but i will certainly give more time to the next one.

Waiting

well comrades, im sure i speak for all of us when i say that i think we are losing hope of my ever recieving the wedding photos from callie or the photos from trevor that i wanted. and, to add insult to injury, i am now waiting on a third set of photos (also from callie) from the family get together we had in stratford. alack and alas. and my poor blog has been neglected because of all this painful waiting. as i pointed out a while ago, i was hoping to blog about all of these events shortly after they happened, so i wasnt wanting to blog in between, in order to maintain some semblance of consistent chronology, but apparently i need to give up on that plan. because it would appear that i am never going to recieve the pictures i asked for, at least not any time soon.

WEIRD

so ive been looking for work, and youll never believe that CSIS (like the canadian CIA, as in SPIES) actually has job postings advertised on the internet. lol. who'd have thunk? if only i could relate this information back to my high school self... you see, back in high school, kate and i were rather obsessed with CSIS and were always claiming that seemingly innocuous or abandoned offices belonged to CSIS. and there they are, with a website just like everyone else. HMMPH. way to go, canadian spies... although i bet theyre going to find this post and then track me down and then make me disappear into thin air for criticising them. well if thats the case, let me say goodbye cruel world......

Long Weekend

well comrades im back in the hammer after this past long weekend and let me tell you, it was super relaxing. it was so relaxing, in fact, that i had absolutely no desire for it to end. going back to work after a nice and much needed long weekend is like getting splashed by a puddle when it isnt even raining. or something like that. anyway, with all of the running around and nonsense that dave and i had to take care of prior to my uncles wedding (sidebar: im sorry i havent blogged about that, i am STILL waiting for photos from the sister unit before i do so. which by the way is totally messing up the chronology of my blog. thanks alot, callie.) we really needed a chance to chill out. and that is exactly what we did. the only blips on the radar were taking his dad to a visitation for a family friend who died and then the subsequent shitshow of buying his parents groceries and cooking them dinner, but other than that we did almost nothing. and it was FANTASTIC. and thats all i have to say about that.

Back To Our Regular Programme

so, comrades... sorry i havent posted in a few days. there are two reasons for this: 1) today is the first day i have been to the library this week, because i have been busy with mundane things like buying groceries and doing laundry (i love my job) and 2) i must admit i was waiting for my sister and trevor to send me the photos i requested, because i still want to blog about the subject of said photos. anyway, i still havent heard back from either of them, and i know trevor is heading out to montreal for the weekend, so it will be next week at the earliest, methinks. unless callie sends hers along tonite, but whatever, it doesnt even matter.
anyway, now that im all distracted by this pointless explanation that isnt even interesting, i forget what i actually planned to write about. i dont know whats gotten into me lately, but i feel like i keep forgetting EVERYTHING. i dont recall ever being this scatterbrained, and i cant possibly imagine why this is happening. my only guess is that i just have so much on my mind and i am so busy that its making me forgetful. i dont know if that is actually possible, but lets run with it.

Rhetorical Question

WHAT KIND OF A WORLD DO WE LIVE IN WHERE SOME PREGNANT MORON JUST LETS HER OTHER BABY SIT IN THE STROLLER AND SCREAM AND SCREAM AND SCREAM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOOD COURT AND JUST KEEP TALKING TO HER GIRLFRIEND LIKE IT ISNT EVEN HAPPENING????? AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

well ive been sitting here for like an hour and a half doing crosswords trying to come up with something to blog about. this is the problem with not having the internet at my house, i cant just blog whenever the mood strikes me. for example, last time i blogged about the dead weather concert, i was actually planning to do three separate posts because i had three different things to talk about, but i ran out of time and now i cant remember what the other two are. besides, even if i could, im not as pumped up or excited as i was at the time so even if i did remember what i was going to write about, the posts wouldnt be as good as they would have last week. so there you go.
anyway, im going to put off blogging about my uncle's wedding until i get the pictures, so callie if you could send them along id appreciate it and if you could ask mum to send hers along i would also appreciate it.
i guess i could talk about going out with kyle and trevor on friday, but there isnt that much to say. *sigh* why am i so boring? im beginning to think its because i dont have a camera. but its probably because im just boring. sorry comrades, i dont have much today.

Chloé Loves Dave

well this past wednesday, my main man dave took me to see THE DEAD WEATHER aka JACK WHITE'S NEW BAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! anyway, it goes without saying that it was AWESOME. awesome of the awesome-awesomeness variety. that boy makes me so happy. and so does dave. anyway, the only thing i really have to say about it without actually REVIEWING the concert is that the reason i have an interminable love affair with my beloved jack is because his music speaks to me like nothing else does. the day of the concert, i had a very physical day, and my legs and back were killing me. i was also totally exhausted. but as soon as jack stepped on the stage, all of my discomfort and preoccupation disappeared. and for two blissful hours, the only thing i could think about was how much i love his music. it completely absorbs me and consumes me and while im listening to jack and reeling from being in the same room as him, breathing his oxygen, i am not myself, im not anyone or anything i am just the music, and nothing can touch me or hurt me and nothing and no one else can make me feel that way.

And Speaking of Trannies

oh, speaking of trannies, we learned this weekend that apparently my story about getting yelled at by the tranny from zelda's is worth ten bucks. i was explaining this story to shayla while dave and i were out with her (welcome back shayla! it was soooooo good to see you!), which by the way, i dont even think its a very good story, which is why i never mentioned it on here when it happened, and some guy sitting on the patio thought it was so funny, he bought us a pitcher of beer. so there you go. i will be telling this story loudly in bars for years to come, in hopes of scoring more free beer.

Women's Sandals

well comrades, just when you think it all, hamilton manages to introduce you to yet another character, someone even stranger than you could have imagined. today i will be discussing the man in the women's sandals.
so for the last, i dont know, maybe two weeks, there has been this man making his presence known in jackson square and the library, who i have thought of in my head as the man in women's sandals. anyway, he wears women's sandals and some feminine looking beads and disheveled clothing that ranges from gender to gender. the strange thing is, he isnt like a regular transvestite or drag queen, because he isnt dressed up like a woman or trying to come across as a woman, hes just wearing a few select pieces of women's clothing. anyway, i had noticed him aruond, and he was a new addition to the wonderful cast of characters here at the library, but i never really thought anything of it until i had a conversation with him.
last week, after i finished posting about having the afternoon off due to weather, i went out on the roof of jackson square to have a cigarette. the man in women's sandals came up to me and bummed a smoke and then didnt actually light it, which i took to be his way of seeing if i was safe to talk to. when he discovered that i was, in fact, safe to talk to, he started talking. he started telling me about how the people at the library are always kicking him out because of his clothing (doubtful, i think he tries to provoke them into kicking him out) and how they called him a faggot (really doubtful) and how everyone in hamilton is so rude to him because they think hes a faggot and hes black and he just went on and on and on about his whole persecution complex over being black and gay. i listened quietly, because i could tell he was just a mentally ill homeless guy with strange delusions of racism/homophobia but he was pretty interesting. so there you go. i just wish i could have gleaned this information without having to hand over a cigarette.

JackJackJack

so i was a little pissed when i found out my beloved jack had started a third band.... i want another white stripes album! stop starting new bands! but then i read this article in spin magazine and this new band, the dead weather, sounds AWESOME. also jack said a new white stripes album should be out in the next year, so i felt placated. anyway, other than waxing eloquence about jacks OBVIOUS greatness, i will just leave you all with this fabulous, fabulous quote. if you cant see why i love him, then i guess we arent all that close.

"we're all struggling with the trouble that this industry is in right now. and its not about sales; its about beauty and romance and a relationship to art thats turning invisible, and its affecting peoples perception of music. its affecting whether they think of it as a viable art, because its so fucking disposable. its not about being modern or retro or a luddite or being hopeful or pessimistic about the future; its about clinging on to what makes sense of our lives, and what gives our lives value, and what gives us a commonality and a feeling of belonging."
-jack white III

St Clair

we were leaving a coffee shop on st clair street west
and there was a dying bird on the table
i guess it flew into a window
and i looked at him trying not to cry
because he hates to see anything suffer
and he knows he cant fix the world
but he sure would like to try
and later that day it started to rain
and i thought of that bird on st clair street west
spending its last minutes in the rain
and i looked at him and i tried not to cry
because i hate to see him suffer
and i know i cant tell him i will fix the world
but i sure would like to try

Afternoon Off Due to Weather

so im thinking im going to make some turnip for lunch. and i need to do dishes and call canada revenue (yikes!). at least i'll get to go to daves earlier....
i feel like i should be using this opportunity to write a really great blog, but to be honest im kind of drawing a blank. i kind of wish callie had put up a new picture on girls wearing glasses so i could write about that.
i left my bicycle lock on the bus last night and didnt realise until i was almost at my client's this morning so i had to borrow her crappy lock and now im standing here obsessing about it and worried about my jack getting stolen, so i think i should just cash my chips and leave.

Uh, Your Momma?

kyle bailey.
i got a very strange message from your mother this week, saying shes sorry she "missed my call while {she} was away" and that she is now finally returning it. i have absolutely no idea what shes talking about so if you could shed some light on the subject i would appreciate it. in other bailey family phone related incompetence, you left me a two minute message last week of clanking and clunking, not unlike the sound of a cell phone accidentally calling someone from inside a knapsack. time for you and telecommunications to have a little break i think.
xo
chloe

I Am Confused

ok so my sister filled out some sort of survey on her blog and "tagged" me to do it... im not sure where i recieved said "tag" but i guess ill do it anyway because i dont have anything better to do. in other news, callie and i have FINALLY gotten our blog up and running and it no longer looks ugly, thanks to callie. so check it out when you get a chance. its called girls wearing glasses on the sidebar.

1. What is your current obsession? Batman and Graphic Novels

2. What is your weirdest obsession? Batman and Graphic Novels

3. Recall a fond childhood memory? This is a question? Holy incorrect interrogative, batman. anyway, speaking of batman, i guess a fond childhood memory of mine would be when my dad gave me my first batman poster... the michael keaton 1989 one from the tim burton movie. he hung it on my wall and i looked upon its obvious greatness, and thought, this is the perfect man.

4. What’s for dinner? shit i dont know. its ten to twelve on thursday morning. probably a sub or something.

5. What would you eat for your last meal? this is a very morbid question and i dont want to answer it.

6. What’s the last thing you bought? cigarettes. this thing is making me look even more boring than i thought i am.

7. What are you listening to right now? the never ending jackhammer sound from inside the bowels of the library as they continue this mysterious renovation.

8. What do you think of the person who tagged you? my sister is beautiful and talented and i think shes also kind of pissed at me for calling her pathetic even though i was just kidding around

9. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished, anywhere in the world, where would it be? probably on a mountain. or a farm. or a farm on a mountain. i could farm goats or eidelweiss or something

10. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? back to bed.

11. Which language do you want to learn? russian i guess. i took the introductory course at school...its pretty tricky stuff

12. What’s your favourite quote (for now)? "That would pretty much be my ideal: eating pie, smoking and having sex in the rain." by trevor.

13.What is your favourite colour? Red

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? I guess my red hat. Or my red dress,

15. What is your dream job? Paediatrician. Or anything that involves being in the woods, collecting samples for a lab. or being michael phelps' girlfriend.

16.What’s your favourite magazine? the walrus

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on? bills.

18. Describe your personal style? is this a fashion question? i wear red and black.

19. What are you going to do after this? i have some more internet stuff to do and then im taking anne swimming

20. What are your favourite films? batman, batman begins, batman returns, the dark knight, waydowntown, amadeus... look at my profile

21. What’s your favorite fruit? cherries

22.What inspires you? my clients and the natural world (see old post: why i study biology)

23. Your favourite books? the catcher in the rye, a prayer for owen meany, anything by paulo cohelo.... look at my profile

24. Do you collect anything? batman toys, children/teen novels, elephants, pieces of useless information, problems

25. Any advice from bitter experience? i feel like most of my experience is bitter. how about people with intellectual disabilities have feelings and they can understand what you are saying about them, you asshole. also SHARE THE ROAD WITH CYCLISTS

26. What makes you follow a blog? if its funny and creative and does something different. or if the writing is exceptional.

Snob?

so believe it or not, i think i figured out what my problem is. whenever i try to pick out a new book to read, which believe it or not is almost every day, it takes me forever because im always looking for the perfect book. particularly this week because last week i read like ten or twelve really disturbing graphic novels. so i was looking for something upbeat but not too, how shall i say? crappy. anyway, so i did find one book a couple of days ago that worked out pretty good but generally i have problems finding new books and end up borrowing books ive already read. i think this makes me some kind of snob. i also always feel like the paper back section is trashy and im afraid i might run into someone i know while im in it. which is also kind of snobby. if not, at least a little i missed my medication-ey. anyway i had planned on writing a more elaborate post about this but i only have three minutes left on this internet station. and ive basically forgotten most of what i wanted to say. *sigh*

O Canada

you know comrades, i think im in a rut. ever since i started blogging again after my long silence i think i have been reusing post titles, including this one. i guess im going to have to tap into the creative well... or something. anyway, so although its about two weeks past its relevance, i feel i should follow up the post about my day with trevor with a post about my day with dave. we are all good communists here, after all. sadly, i have no pictures from our adventure, which is really a shame, since i think we would have gotten some good ones. perhaps some day one of us will have a digital camera. *sigh* but i digress.
so dave and i had big plans to bike from his place down to the lakeshore, which is approximately a 16k trip going directly down the regular roads. this wasnt our plan, however. we were taking this long and winding path along the don river, which was very scenic and nice, but EASILY added 10k to the trip each way.
anyway, as i mentioned in my post about my day with trevor, it was supposed to rain on tuesday and wednesday, so i was a little apprehensive that my great cycling adventure would be ruined. lucky for me, the people at the weather network are actually on hard drugs all the time and feel no motivation whatsoever to forecast the weather correctly, so the rain held off.
so we went on this super long bike ride and it was lots of fun and i brought leftover chinese food for my snacky-poo and it was definitely too long and hard for dave because hes not quite the cyclist i am..... i would have done it in about 3 and a half hours by myself, and it took us about 5, not including the long break we took when we finally got there, but im not judging. we all know that if anything, i ride too much. and i guess that was that.
in other news, i had this totally random message on my voice mail from kyles mum... she said she was returning my call from when she was away.... i have no clue what thats about. i dont remember calling her..........WEIRD

Vay-Kay

so i took a mini vacation this week, one day to hang out with trevor, one day to hang out with dave for canada day. here are the highlights from my day with trevor.

here i am shopping for bicycle tubes at canadian tire.... always a disappointing experience for cyclists

here is a sudden picture trevor took whilst we waited for a light to change on our super long walking adventure
here i am at the patio at jack astors. i have to say i think this is one of the best pictures trevor has ever taken. not because its of me but i just think the composition is amazing

here is the beer we drank at jack astors. canadian. what a treat for a pauper like me. also i just realised, very appropriate, considering that this is my canada day holiday.


this is the picture of the ashtray that i had trevor take to commemorate the guy who was high on blow who needed to put his cigarette out in our ashtray for some reason. im sure riding the white wave, it makes sense

this is me looking at the menu. i must admit, i was posing because i wanted to have an action shot. although looking at a menu isnt that active
this is trevor at jack astors
this is a picture of the ketchup bottle from jack astors. i have decided that taking a picture of ketchup bottles at restaurants is going to be trevor and my new hobby
this is a picture i took of the menu at jack astors to commemorate our feast on garlic bread, beer and pizza.
this is the view of the cn tower that i had from the balcony at jack astors. its a cool balcony because its very high up in the air
this is me modelling the amazing deals we got on clearance underwear at sears. yay sears
this is me drinking tea at starbucks. its funny because the paper cup is like as big as my head. it looks even bigger because of the perspective.
this is trevor at starbucks. it took me two tries to get this shot because he was talking while i was trying to take the picture

i took this picture of the chairs across the way from starbucks because they were very bright red. and i liked them. also we realised that this establishment was also an espresso bar and we should have tried going there instead of starbucks. but at least theres next time
and this is a picture of the quotes on the starbucks cups. so there it is comrades. my day of fun in the sun (it didnt rain even though it was supposed to) with trevor

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

well id have to say that this post is for all of you who dont really understand what the hell im talking about when i tell you about my job. last monday, i had to take J----- to his first ever challenger baseball game. now, sabrina has been on the challenger baseball team since she was like six, so i have been to many, many of the games. there are also a couple of kids in the league that i worked with briefly but not anymore. anyway, J----- and his parents had never even been to one of the games, so when his mother told me to make sure he didnt do any sliding, i laughed and said, have you ever been to one of these games? trust me, there is no sliding. its like, slow motion baseball.
anyway, so J----- is very physically fragile. basically, he cant fall. ever. because if he fell on his back he could break the rod in his back that is correcting his spine and if he fell on his front he could injure his internal organs. that being said, hes like any other nine year old boy, and hes always been interested in sports and wishes he could play football or soccer, but obviously his disabilities prevent him from doing so. SO it was SO COOL to be working with him at his first baseball game, because once he got over his initial shyness, he just totally opened up and you could see how much he was enjoying playing an organised team sport. you could see he was totally buzzed out to be playing and participating, and it was such a cool experience for me to have a hand in giving him that experience, and it was such an honour for me to be able to share it with him.
i guess what im saying is that even though it seems like my job is vague and random and pays poorly, its times like this that make it worth it. and it has given me so many moments like this, and so many people never come close to having that kind of connection or experience with another person, and i get to have these experiences all the time... so in so many ways i am blessed to be doing what i do. and i guess i cant really explain it any better than that.

Your City's a Sucker, My City's a Creep

greetings comrades. i have been meaning to do this post for some time, but i have been putting it off because i didnt want to do it in a rush. however, the recent comment from rosie dimanno of the toronto star (whose articles i quite enjoy) that hamilton is a 'dump' has forced my hand. also, allow me to preface what i am about to say by acknowledging that i am not the first hamiltonian to write on this issue and from this perspective. i am sure there are many hamilton writers and artists who have done what i am about to do long ago, and probably better. so here we go.
as much as i would like to sit here and bash torontonians for thinking that toronto is the only city in this fine country that matters, i am going to take the high road and not even go there. rather, i am going to talk about how citizens from other cities (im looking at you, TORONTO) have a completely inaccurate, although vaguely understandable perspective on hamilton. and here it is.
if you dont live here and you come to visit, this is what you see: dilapidated buildings, abandoned, boarded up stores, an almost ephemeral greyness that never stops, pollution, babies having babies, drug addicts and dealers, and all forms of riff raff imaginable. is all of this here? yes. but oh, so much more.
only in hamilton can you strike up a conversation with a bus driver without being ordered to shut up and get behind the yellow line. only in hamilton do perfect strangers have chats like old friends. there is so much camraderie here, and i dont see it anywhere else (im looking at you, TORONTO). hamilton is a low income, blue collar town. everyone is on their last leg and just trying to keep on keeping on. this brings the people together. it sounds depressing, but it isnt. hamiltonians have a collective drive to survive and can have a laugh and a beer while doing it. and you cant see that just walking down the street. because of the struggle and strife in hamilton, there is a diverse and fully inclusive arts community, and it seems like everyone here is like minded. so you know what, all of you temporary visitors who cant see past the first impression (im looking at you, TORONTO) im glad youre just temporary, because we dont need your ilk polluting our cultural milleux. so stick that in your pipe and smoke it. the crackhouse is just round the bend.

Poetry?

well well well, my good and noble comrades i have a question to end the ages. is there a limit to creative license??? i think there is. i have to admit this post is vaguely inspired by my fathers attempt to get a bad poetry contest going. (check out the as yet incomplete website at www.thebadpoet.coolpage.biz). anyway, there is this song by live called all over you which is super catchy and great to listen to whilst doing dishes, but really doesnt even attempt to make any sense. here are the lyrics:

ALL OVER YOU by LIVE

our love is like water
pinned down and abused
for being strange
our love is no other
than me alone
for me all day
our love is like water/angels
pinned down and abused
all over you all over me
the sun the fields the sky
I've often tried to hold the sea
the sun the fields the tide
pay me now lay me down

comrades, im not even kidding. those are the lyrics to the song. now, im not a doctor or anything, but i dont think that water or angels are pinned down or abused for being strange. also, i dont understand what pay me now is supposed to mean... is the singer a prostitute? and from what grammatical bizarro land did an ingenious quip like "our love is no other than me alone for me all day" come from?
now before you all start bombarding me with examples of even more inane lyrics than this (that is, if i had any sort of audience other than my mum and daniel wheaton, you might bombard me), allow me to make a distinction. there are some songs/poems that are of the "nonsense" variety. example... the walrus and the carpenter as told by tweedle dum and tweedle dee in lewis carroll's alice in wonderland; foxtrot uniform charlie kilo as sung by the bloodhound gang. etc. i have no criticism for works of this nature. they are silly and fun. but this tripe from live about love being like water seems to be attempting to be this ridiculous love ballad that could only pull the heartstrings of the most desperately love sick twelve year old who is still waiting to start her period..... and thats all i have to say about that.

Disturbing Thought

if no one reads my blog, why should i ever expect anyone to read my book?????

Read My Book!

well i have spent most of this afternoon sending of dozens and dozens of query emails to agents in the states regarding my book about sabrina. i have also been collecting rejection notices from a few of them, but amazingly, one guy asked me to send my manuscript along shortly after i wrote him. so that sounds kind of promising, but best not to get my hopes up. anyway, i have to get moseying on to work now, but lets hope i have the ball rolling, and try not to dwell on the nagging thought that perhaps my work just isnt publishable.

Updates

well, as i mentioned in my last two posts, i would update you about the kite situation and the situation at the walrus as information became available. amazingly, i have information on both at this very moment, so i can condense it into one post. imagine. anyway, so this weekend dave came to see me in hamilton because i had a very brief shift on saturday morning and i figured, why bother wasting a whole day of our ever so short weekends just because i have to work. so dave was unable to get a new diamond kite like the one whose crossbar broke, but he did get a box kite by the same people while the kite sale was still on. although it was a little disappointing that we couldnt fix our diamond kite with any of the parts from the box kite, it was exciting because neither of us had ever flown a box kite before. so yesterday was super windy and we meandered on down to bayfront park and got the box kite up and running. it was awesome! and i tied an extra cord onto it so we got it to go up twice as high. and then i got my batman kite up again (the one that only cost a dollar fifty, remember) and it was excellent. and then i let a little kid fly the batman kite and she got it stuck in a tree. so her dad climbed the tree and we got it out, and amazingly, the cheap little thing didnt get torn. it is the kite that just wont quit. anyway, so thats the kite update. im still trying to get in touch with the makers of our defective diamond kite to see if they can send us a replacement part.
as for updating you about the walrus, i checked again to see if the information about the guilty pleasures writing contest is on the website or not and it is now. so the links in the last post will work now. i suppose my guess that the magazine went to print before the website was up and running was correct... it makes sense i suppose but also seems a little silly that they would send out a publication with incorrect contact information simply because the magazine is dated at some point in the future... but what do i know. im just a blogger.

I Am The Walrus

well i dont think ive ever mentioned it on here (although i could be mistaken, as i tend to mention the most irrelevant of facts here) but i have a subscriptioin to the walrus, which is a more or less excellent canadian magazine. the only really negative thing i have to say about it is the literature articles tend to embody the kind of exasperating pretentiousness that seems to surround every facet of the canadian art world, which i have no patience for. not to mention they are total margaret atwood disciples, BUT that being said, the journalistic pieces and the fiction and such that get published in the magazine are excellent, so all in all, its pretty decent. ANYWAY the walrus is apparently having a "guilty pleasures" writing contest, whose deadline for submission is july 31, and it says in the magazine to check www.walrusmagazine.com/guiltypleasures for full contest rules. well, if you click on the link i so kindly provided, there is no website to be read, and if you just go to www.walrusmagazine.com and search for the contest using keywords, you cant find it either. so i think the people at the walrus sent the magazine to print before they had the webpage up and running, and since you get the hardcopy about a month before the actual date printed on the magazine, it has made for a rather frustrating turn of events. anyway, way to go guys, way to go.

Let's Go Fly A Kite

well, while the rest of you normal people were out in tents getting drunk over the long weekend, dave and i were being extreme geeks. how you may ask? ill tell you. we decided on saturday that it was very windy. so windy, in fact, that you could fly a kite. so we wandered on over to zellers, and youll never believe what happened. KITES WERE FIFTY PERCENT OFF!!!!! MAY 15 TO 22 ONLY!!!!! it was like fate. bizarre, hobby related fate. anyway, so we bought a batman kite for the low low price of $1.48 and a big, giant, 1.9m tall rainbowy kite for $7.48. it was awesome. i was so stoked. but alas, we did not have a chance to fly our kites on saturday, because we went and saw the movie earth (which was awesome) and by the time the movie got out dave was really hungry, and after dinner it was too late to go kite flying. but have no fear comrades. we went out on sunday afternoon to sunnybrook park to fly the shit out of those kites. it was beautiful and sunny and we even checked the wind speed before we left. once we got to sunnybrook, we found this enormous flat playing field and started running around like madmen trying to get the big kite up in the air. dave got pretty close at one point, but then the kite got wrapped around a football goal post. but have no fear comrades, we saved the kite. anyway, after a long time and no success with either kite, we were tired and thirsty, so after a brief detour through the woods, we got back in the car. we stopped at harveys and i got a milkshake and a bottle of water (sidebar: i have to admit, even though the price went up, the new harveys milkshakes made with real ice cream are fantastic). rehydrated, dave took me to his old high school where there was more wind on the playing field. you see, the field at sunnybrook was kind of low and surrounded by thick, old growth forest, and it was virtually wind proof as a result. the field at the high school was perfect. so i got the kites reassembled, and we were off. dave had just let go of the big kite, it began to sail, and then POOF the whole thing folded in half. it was very sad, one of the supporting rods in the back cracked and broke into four pieces. we tried to tape it back together, but alas, it was a lost cause. anyway, we rallied and got the batman kite in the air in about one second, and flew it for almost an hour. it was lots of fun, and we decided since kites are still onsale, we are going to buy a replacement for our giant kite and then try again next week. dave took lots of pictures, so hopefully some of them turned out nice and i can post them on here once they are developed. anyway, that was my long weekend in a nutshell... i will keep you all updated on the kite situation as details become available.

STARTREK

HOLY SHIT. THAT WAS AWESOME.

Forgot to Title

well here we are on this bright and sunny tuesday afternoon. anne and i are at the library and its SWELTERING in here. in other news, they are doing this really serious renovation of the library and farmers market (both in the same building), and there have been little indications of this project for some time now and then all of a sudden, WHOOSH! the entire entrance has disappeared behind drywall and the whole interior has been temporarily reconfigured to allow for the construction. i was so disoriented when we got here, i felt like i had crash landed on a new planet. anyway, it looks like the renovation of both locations is going to be pretty sweet, and im excited to see how it looks when its done. in the meantime, im wondering how long we will have to deal with this somewhat cramped reconfiguration. you see, the whole first floor is closed off, i believe that is where the bulk of the building is being done, so we have all of the stuff from that floor spread out across the rest of the building as it remains. you also have to take an elevator up just tog et into the library its all very bizarre. i cant believe how fast it happened. if i had realised this was the case i would have brought anne here much sooner, but as it is we were at bayfront park enjoying the sun. anyway, i suppose on thursday, if its not raining, we can come down and explore our new habitat. the only other thing to add is while we were out for coffee anne was being a bit of a lunatic (nothing excessive, just a little boisterous) and you should have SEEN the glare this woman sitting there was giving us. i so wanted to confront her, but i never have the nerve to do that sort of thing. *sigh*

ARG

man, anne and i just ran into one of her old workers who ive never met, and she made such a big deal about how difficult anne is and was going on about how they better be paying me enough to work with her and she just had such a bad attitude i wanted to scream. and she was asking me about all of her bad behaviours, like does she still do this, does she still do that and im like, no, not really, seldom, etc, and then she was like oh maybe shes medicated, she wasnt medicated with me. and what i wanted to say was, no, im an excellent worker... but i bit my tongue and just said yes shes made alot of progress with me and im very proud of her. nice to meet you, goodbye. and i cant be sure but i think she was the worker that took her to the pool all the time and people have commented to me many many times that i treat anne much better and am much more patient with her than her old worker..... grr. im so frustrated. the only triumph i had here was that while this woman was giving me the third degree, anne sat in her chair, quiet as anything and behaved in the calm, respectful manner i have come to expect from her.

Thought of Something

well, as anticipated, i thought of something to write about. as i continue to do research on all of this literary agent business, i have learned that theres only like 30 agents in canada. figures. anyway, it looks like this whole process is going to be a hell of a lot of work, especially since i am oh so fortunate enough to live in canada where we only allow a small percentage of people to do anything artistic. i guess the next time i lose work because of rain im going to have to get myself down to the school library and get to work on this stuff where theres no time limit on the computers. *sigh* so painful.

Ten to Five

so yesterday the weather was bad and i didnt work. i spent most of the day at barbs and i played basketball with breanne, and once again i was reminded that i dont play basketball nearly as well as a fourteen year old with down's syndrome. although in my own defense, breanne has a lot more practice than i do, since she has the hoop in the backyard and everything. anyway, that was pretty much the extent of my day and today isnt really any more exciting. im sitting here at the library absolutely convinced that i had something i wanted to do online and now i cant for the life of me remember what it was, so obviously im blogging instead. sadly, this isnt really turning out any better.... so i guess ill go unless i think of somethign interesting to say. i guess if my life was more interesting that wouldnt be such a challenge.

*Gasp!*

my good and noble comrades! i realised, after all of these years, that i had an extraneous comma in the title of my blog! how could this be? why did no one inform me! i am so embarassed by my poor grammar. i feel like i have no right to blog anymore. well, ok, maybe its not that bad, but im always the first to criticise signage with grammatical errors, and here i have been, committing one day in and day out without ever getting caught! oh, the humanity.
ps. i have started a new blog with my sister. a link is on the sidebar, please feel free to explore.

Vodka and Bubbles

i realised that "lemony fresh" is almost exactly the same as "melony fresh." which is odd because i like lemons more than melons, except for watermelon, which is great.

"I'm Glad We Didn't Perish

in the forest fire." thus spoke dave, as he pulled me into bed, arms around my shoulders, pinning me together like a straight jacket. the only thing protecting the world from my insanity. why would he say such a thing you ask? well, ill tell you. saturday morning was sunny and hot, just like the crack addicts at the weather network said it would be. we arose with high, high hopes of lazing about on the beach, but in typical dave fashion we didnt even get out the door until 3pm. anyway, after the long and exceptionally boring subway ride downtown, we walked over to the ferry docks and the temperature started to drop and the clouds started moving in. but we thought, its still warm enough to at least walk around the islands and maybe stroll on the beach, so we paid the fare for the ferry (whats the deal with that. it should be free, or at least part of the ttc), waited and finally got on. once we got to the island and arrived at the beach though, the temperature was dropping fast. over the water, moving toward the city was the biggest, blackest, most ominous storm cloud i could imagine, and the waves were getting bigger and more fierce every minute. we realised that despite the time and expense wasted on this journey, we were going to have to turn around and get back on the ferry. so we sighed, disappointed, and started heading back. but the story doesnt end there.... as we were walking back, the wind started picking up even more. it was so strong it was difficult to walk in, and then suddenly, from behind us we heard this great rumbling, it sounded like a machine and it was getting louder and louder and louder, and suddenly, the wind coming from behind us was really hot. and then, just when i thought i couldnt get any more frightening, i looked a head and the shore was disappearing in clouds of smoke. and i said, "its a fire! look at the smoke! where is it coming from, and why cant we see it?" and the really scary thing is we had to walk TOWARDS the smoke to get back to the ferry, and the machine like noise and hot air were behind us, baring down, and i thought we were going to die. it was terrible.
THEN once we finally got back to land safe and sound and the rain was coming down, we headed back to the ttc and of course my flip flops broke. so i had to ride the subway barefoot (gross). i made the mistake of saying " i dont think this could possibly get any worse, unless of course the power went out in the subway or something." and of course, it did. i mean the power didnt go out, but they were having technical difficulties the whole ride back to daves, and what is normally about a 35 minute ride took over an hour. and so, that was the beginning of summer.

Change-o-Phobic

in TWO senses of the word. first of all, i am really sick of people asking me for "spare" change. no, i dont have any "spare" change, i need all of my change, all of the time, because im POOR and i dont want to end up on the street, asking for change.
that being said, i have removed two of the three gadgets i had put up on here for kicks. they were just too damn ugly. sorry if you were having a blast and a half playing the games, but their ugliness was unacceptable.

My Literary Genius

or something like that. since i have been sitting on my manuscript about sabrina for some time now, and since my arden manuscript is at least half done (i think im aiming for 15 stories total, and im well into my eighth one) i decided its time to find myself an agent. im sure this will prove to be an arduous process, but i filled out one submission form today and i am going to fill out another on friday regarding the piece about sabrina to be sent to another agency. i really hope i can get some type of response. i am particularly hopeful about this agent im going to be contacting about sabrinas book because she seems to be interested in "emotionally gripping non fiction" and if that means anything at all, i think that my piece about sabrina is right up her alley. although i must admit im finding contacting these people challenging in its own right. the form i filled out today asked what i can do to support the sale of the work if it is published, and im not even sure i understand what that means, exactly. so i just rambled on about how its my work and i believe in it and i will do whatever i have to to support the sale of it. and this other one, the one im submitting to about my sabrina book is looking for some sort of proposal or something as well as a query explaining what QUALIFIES me to write the book. i mean i suppose if i was trying to publish a self help book or a medical encyclopaedia or something then i would need some sort of qualifications, but questions like that just tempt me to be a little flippant and say something like, the fact that i am proficient in the english language and that i have enormous creativity and drive is was qualifies me to write the book, you twits. but i understand where theyre coming from really. also, i probably shouldnt have even written that because i attached my blog to a profile for a literary website connecting people in childrens publishing, so anyone who is interested in me can now look at my blog.... lets assume that no one is interested in me. especially since i just joined said community today. by the time anyone becomes interested in me through that site (if ever) this post will be a thing of the past. but its kind of cool to be getting myself out there, i guess. i just hate having to sell myself. i hate job intereviews for the same reason. and its like, man obviously i dont like selling myself, thats why im looking for an agent. i want you to sell me. be my pimp! ill be youre whore! suck me dry, man. suck me dry.

All The Wrong Battles

i am in awe of how bitter my job has made me towards the general public. (i am also in awe of how much trouble i am having typing on this keyboard). anyway, today anne is in a really good mood, so shes a little hyper. we were leaving the public library and she was trying to grab a book out of the librarian's hand, which she always does because shes trying to help, and the librarian goes "oh, you are a BAD girl!" with a big smile on her face in the kind of tone i reserve for my DOG. and i just wanted to slap her, but i couldnt because she totally was actually being nice, and was just ignorant enough to think that anne needs to be spoken to like a six year old. anyway, at the risk of being blackballed from library for the things i wanted to say to this woman, i decided to take my own advice, choose my battles, and walk away.
THEN we get to my school and were at the union market and im fixing up some bagels for us and this woman (who, by the way was totally crowding me out of the bagel station, so i was already irritated with her) totally innocently asked if i work in a group home and i totally snapped. i was like NO. really snotty. and she pauses awkwardly for a moment then says, real polite, sorry for asking. and i said no, im sorry that was bitchy i just get so sick of people inquiring about my clients like they think they know what theyre talking about but theyre really just being nosy and blah blah blah. anyway, i was rambling on and on to this woman and dropping f bombs all over the place and when she finally walked away (i think she was a little scared) i was like, man i have lost my mind.

I'll Philosophy Your Face!

all the way to the bank! hows this for some philosophy? why do i even take philosophy when i dont really like it? except for logic, which is awesome, especially the part where philosophy students hate it. hahahaha. anyway, i just finished my philosophy exam, and it was very boring. i kept spacing out while i was writing it like i do when im writing papers and then id be like, oh yeah, time limit, riiiiiiight. and get back to it. anyway, im sure you were going to ask, well what was the exam about? and ill tell you. it was about david hume and his writing on determinism versus free will. i have come to realise that pretty much all of my papers for this class have followed the same basic formula: i summarise the argument and then say that the argument is great but not convincing and here's why. haha. thats pretty much the whole shebang. go philosophy. anyway thats not really what i came to write about. i came to write an ironic post that philosophised about my distaste for philosophy. so here we go.
anyway, why take a subject you dont really like? because you can get an A. period. i get so bored reading philosophy, and i know its supposed to make you think and hone your writing and argumentation skills and it does, but its not like i ever really PONDER the stuff im reading. i just read it, process it, analyze it, and then completely forget about it, because (are you ready for it?) I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!! hahahahahaha! in your face plato! and aristotle (i didnt even read you!)! and epicurus! spinoza (also didnt read)! and some other guy who started with e (definitely didnt read)! and aquinas! and anselm! and hume (actually, hume is ok. dialogues concerning natural religion is interesting, but we didnt read that for this class)! and nietzche (didnt read because i read you three years ago)! and at least one other guy that i didnt even go to class for but i believe he was the stoic guy. or maybe the skeptic! good riddance.

PayPal?

more like payenemy! so i logged into my email account that i use to write this blog in order to see if amit had gotten the message i posted for him below. this email account is very old, its one of the first email accounts i ever opened, and i use it for my trash emails, like when i have to provide an email in order to sign up for stuff, and i use it to manage this blog and thats it. SO, obviously, i almost never, ever check it. anyway, so of course i had a bunch of unread emails in there, and there were several from paypal, one indicating that someone had been using my email account fradulently, so they had limited my paypal account and several indicating that rather sizable purchases had been made using that email account with what is assumed to be my credit card. sounds like a reason to panic, right? WELL, it would be, except i dont even HAVE a credit card! hahaha isnt that crazy? so, upon learning this information, i think its pretty much guaranteed that someone is using my email account for some sort of credit card fraud, and i tried to get in touch with paypal to tell them, but of course they want me to open an account with them in order to email them, which im not interested in doing. anyway, i think this is serious enough that im going to call them on the phone (so old fashioned, i guess) to let them know. but isnt that bizarre?

Message To Amit

amit. the reason i am putting this on my blog is because i know you never read my emails. i tried taking a gander at your blog, which i havent done in ages, and it told me that i needed to be invited to read it. so could i please be invited? youll have to send the invite to beautiful_paradox@graffiti.net because that is my blogger email.

The Salt Water in Our Blood

well, after going to daves parents for easter brunch, i have to say i am appreciating my own family more and more. now, im not going to sit here and bash daves family in a public forum, that would just be inappropriate, but i am going to laud my family in comparison. at my family gatherings, there is always something going on, always something to talk about, always someone to listen to. there is music and smiles and LAUGHTER. and people are actually interested in the lives of those around them. i guess thats all i really have to say without getting into too much detail, but i am so thankful for the salt water in my blood.

ps. best part of lunch at daves parents. while looking at the meal i brought daves mum says "what is that? it looks like meat." i say, "its vegetarian meat" she says "oh? does that mean the cows were only fed grains and vegetables?" lolololoololololol. ah the joys of old age.

The Same or Different?

well my good and noble comrades, i have a dirty little secret. i am hopelessly, shamelessly hooked on paris hilton's new bbf (which stands for british best friend, in case you didnt know). i dont know how and i dont know why. it is truly an awful show but its got this hold on me. i think i just marvel at the sheer stupidity of it and i wonder how people can be so unabashedly shallow and lame. i think i also wonder if we are really expected to believe as viewers that paris hilton is actually interested in ever spending any time with the winner. its so obviously just a shrewd business venture. anyway, that being said, what this post is really about is comparing paris hiltons show with two other, similar shows. on the surface all three shows are basically the same, but believe it or not i think that the paris hilton show actually has the most integrity.
so, first off. paris hiltons new bbf. this show is the follow up to paris hiltons first show, my new bff, which took place in the states. i guess ms hilton needs to have a best friend on every continent or something, because she is apparently taking applications in england. anyway, the premise of this show is the same as the bachelor, except instead of a moderately attractive man who will pretend to want to marry you at the end of the show, the winner gets a super attractive paris hilton who will pretend to want to be your nearest and dearest. the contestants get eliminated each week based on how they hold up in challenges (you know, super challenging activities like cooking dinner for paris, or flirting with one of her friends, or planning a photo shoot for her) and just generally how paris is feeling about the contestants at the time. (which is really code for paris making sure that the most dramatic ratings grabbers stay on the show as long as possible). anyway, the show features lots of catty bitchy girl behaviour and lots of paris talking about how much its going to take for someone to be able to survive her oh so demanding lifestyle. as im sure you can imagine, having billions of dollars and no real job to go to can be very taxing. im breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it. anyway, the show is bad, the contestants are morons, and amazingly, paris actually comes across as looking like the most normal, well adjusted one of them. and despite all this, i am shamefully hooked.

next up we have a shot of love with tila tequila. apparently this is the second season of this show and is only a time slot away from being porn. like the paris hilton series, this show has a bachelor style set up except this time we have boys and girls vying for the affections of the one and only tila tequila because she is (pretending to be) bisexual. anyway this show is just an excuse for a bunch of slutty people to act slutty on television and apparently tila tequila's claim to fame is sluttiness, so shes in good company. ive only seen about a half an episode of this show and it was the oh so scandalous second episode. you see, miss tequila didnt tell the boys in the first episode that she was "bi" and that they would be competing against boys and girls for her titties. i mean love. anyway at the end of the first episode she brought out the girls so the second episode was the first coed one and featured charming challenges like everyone in bathing suits searching through a pool of foam at the same time for some little round things that would earn them one on one time with tila. the interesting thing about this show is it really makes no excuses for pandering to the horny fantasies of men with too much time on their hands. its also fascinating (and kind of sad) to see all of these uber hot but totally for real lesbians lowering themselves like this. from what i saw, all of the girls just want a girl to win this show, and they will probably get what they want because a boy won last season and everyone is hoping to see tila dyke it up for the cameras. anyway what i dont get about it is many many lesbians (and straight girls too) would find a show like this disempowering to women and gay women in particular. what is so strange is that most of the lesbians on the show seem to be the type of girls who would have this opinion, but theyre on the show anyway. its as if their collective desire to show up the men supercedes the inherent sexism present in the competition itself, so they have put that to one side in order to win, win win.



finally, we have the rock of love bus with bret michaels. bad grammar aside, this show is also like the bachelor, except instead of having everyone live in a giant house so they can fight all the time, they are on a tour bus because bret michaels is some washed up rock star (who knew?) and he wants to simulate "life on the road" with the ladies. anyway this show is as bad, if not worse than tila tequila. i think that having gigantic fake tits was part of the requirements of the show, and from what i saw after sitting through an hour of this drivel last night, the contestants basically do one challenge (last night it was hanging out with children at a pool. i guess bret cares about having maternally inclined hoes), one of them wins, goes on a date with bret, and then the rest of the show we watch everyone get drunk and make out with bret. it was soft porn wrapped in a nice reality tv bubble and it was awful. i was disgusted with the whole thing and i was EMBARASSED for the girls on the show.
SO. you be the judge. are all of these shows the same ? or are they different? or maybe both???? i dont rightly know

Long Effing Day

man. its only ten after two and im already exhausted. i cant wait for this day to be over. this morning i had to get up early-ish to go visit J----- in the hospital. he is recovering from back surgery, and was looking pretty pathetic. but his parents think he was putting it on a little bit because he knew the physiotherapist was on the way and she was going to make him get up and walk around and he just got taken off of morphine this morning. needless to say, im glad im not in his position right now. BUT the surgery went well and they eem pretty positive about the whole thing so. that was good news. anyway, after i was done visiting him, i went to pick anne up, and i am WAAAAAAAY over dressed for this weather, but its been so up and down and when i left in the morning it was much cooler than it is right now. anyway, im going to take her to ginos for some pizza before i take her home and then im off off off to stoney creek (drag) for my evening client. THEN i will arrive back home around nine thirty and i will shower, change, pack and get out the door hopefully in time to catch the 1030 bus to toronto, getting me to daves house by about quarter after midnight. DAMN.

Killing Time

so i am at the school library killing time before i go to pick up my paper from my ta. i also figured out how to get around the 15 minute limit on the internet express station, so i can stand here as long as i want, unless someone is waiting for the station. luckily for me, no one is. mwa ha ha ha. marvel at my greatness!
anyway, so apparently i scared callies friends off of reading my blog with the post about breasts. i guess they have some breast related hang ups. i dont get it. who doesnt love breasts? really. anyway, eventually i will have put up enough posts to move the "offensive" pictures off the first page of the blog. also, if youve been following the commentary at all, callie wants more posting so her hat head will not be the first thing people see when they come to visit. personally, i dont see what the big deal is, but WHATEVER.
in other news, i bought a new dress today. i dont exactly have a dress budget right now, but as trevor pointed out i always buy a new dress for easter (or at least i try to) and this easter i am going to be having an ever so painful brunch at daves parents with all of his ever so snooty siblings, and having a new dress on will make me feel (marginally) more confident. anyway, the dress is awesome, except its strapless. ive never gone strapless before. im hoping to avoid buying a strapless bra (also no bra budget, as you can imagine) by taking the straps off of my three way convertible bra. that should work. i hope.
speaking of this undoubtably painful brunch adventure. i have no idea what to make. i cant make lasagna because everyone will be comparing it to the lasagnas of yesteryear by daves mum and i cant make salad because i hate how everyone thinks that the only thing vegetarians eat is salad, and i have to make something fancy because daves sister in law is apparently "a gourmet" so obviously i need to make better food than her. anyway the whole thing is turning into an ordeal and i better come up with something soon. the clock, she is ticking.

6 Minutes To Post

greetings, comrades. as my title would indicate, i only have six minutes to post... well, down to 3 now, so i am briefly putting up some highlights of callie's visit. i shall do a longer post as soon as i am able. im also working on getting a video up on here, but its proving to be a rather painful process. anyway, the above photo is of anne and i at the library.


this is callies FAHBULOUS new hair cut, which i did all my by self. i also straightened it. so now her hair no longer looks like pasta. but its still kind of making me hungry. she wants me to tell you that she disapproves of this picture. i also took the picture all by myself, and as we all know, i dont have much of a track record with photography. as i said at disney on ice, where is clinton when you need him? (calgary. obviously)
this is callies noodly hair. bravo.

And Then- Disaster!

AH HA! IT FINALLY WORKED! I AM SO EXCITED! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! you have no idea how long callie and i were waiting for this stupid video to finish buffering. and at last, at last, it is finished. so without further ado, here is the video we were shooting when suddenly, disaster struck.
ps
now that i know it works, i will put up the other awesome videos from callies trip as soon as possible

Put In My Place

as those of you closest (as well as plenty not so close) to me are aware, i have had a very long and obnoxious history of complaining about my breasts. theyre too big, too saggy, too mushy, too low, not firm enough, etc, etc, etc. i think this obsession is, in part, due to the fact that my mum is even more obnoxious than i am in that she has been blessed with perfect, firm, fabulous breasts, and they arent hindered at all by the fact that she nursed four children. its a lot to live up to. big shoes to fill. or, i suppose, big cups. anyway, i must admit, i was recently put in my place on this issue. i was looking up prices for breast augmentation. not because im thinking of getting breast augmentation (yeah, right, dave would NEVER let me even if i wanted to) but because i was thinking about doing this piece for this art show about gender. i didnt end up doing the piece, but i was looking up various cosmetic surgery prices for this piece. anyway, i got distracted, of course, and was looking at the before and after pictures for breast augmentation. allow me to demonstrate :

as you can see, these poor ladies are just two examples of having God-given terrible breasts. it almost helps me understand why someone would want implants in the first place. anyway, i have learned my lessons. my titties are not so bad.

Pet Peeve

although im not sure, id be willing to guess that i have another post on here somewhere entitled "pet peeve," so please forgive my unoriginality. apparently i am becoming more like my mother every day (as they say things tend to go) because she is constantly referring to things as her "pet peeves." anyway, that being said, allow me to preface my rant about this pet peeve by saying i dont mean any disrespect to children or to mothers who have to take the bus.
anyway, one of my pet peeves are these mothers who have strollers the size of all terrain vehicles who use the bus. obviously, i am all for alternative/public transportation, and obviously, people with strollers are entitled to the same bus ride as anyone else. but FIRST of all, WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED A STROLLER THE SIZE OF A SMALL CAR?????? I DONT GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! and second of all, if i am trying to navigate a 200 pound wheelchair in a tight space, like the bus, dont just sit there with your fucking stroller and hold up the entire bus because i cant get around you. get off your ass and move the stroller so those of us with wheelchairs can get off as quickly and painlessly as possible. wheelchair riders already have a rough go, and the other passengers are already pissed off because the wheelchair rider is wasting time getting on and off the bus. dont exacerbate the situation by dragging it out. HONESTLY. i swear there should be a license for parents. the world would be a better place.

Rogers Telecommunications

did you know that corporations are legally recognised as "persons," and are therefore afforded rights? amazing. as such, i feel that corporations, as persons, should be able to recieve verbal/written abuse. so, here we go.
DEAR ROGERS TELECOMMUNICATIONS
YOU ARE A GIANT DOUCHEBAG. YOU KEEP SUSPENDING MY PHONE SERVICES FOR PALTRY SUMS OF MONEY. I HAVE BEEN A LOYAL CUSTOMER TO YOU FOR OVER 4 YEARS, AND I DIDNT LEAVE YOU WHEN YOU FUCKED ME OVER BIG TIME ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO. I SHOULD HAVE, BUT I DIDNT. IF YOU LOOK AT MY ACCOUNT HISTORY, YOU WILL SEE THAT I HAVE NEVER FAILED TO GET CAUGHT UP ON MY PAYMENTS WHEN I WAS BEHIND. YOU WILL ALSO SEE THAT I ALWAYS PAID YOU IMMEDIATELY WHEN YOU DID ME THE RESPECT OF CALLING TO INFORM ME THAT MY ACCOUNT WAS IN ARREARS. APPARENTLY, HOWEVER, YOU ARE NO LONGER WILLING TO CALL ME WITH THIS INFORMATION. YOU JUST SUSPEND MY SERVICE. ITS NOT AS IF I OWE YOU YEARS AND YEARS WORTH OF UNPAID BILLS. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT 88 DOLLARS, YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SCUM. I HOPE THAT THE RECESSION CAUSES YOUR INFRASTRUCTURE TO COLLAPSE COMPLETELY. I HOPE THAT ALL OF YOUR CEOS GO BANKRUPT. I HOPE YOUR HIDEOUS TOWER GETS CONDEMNED. YOU SUCK AND I HATE YOU.
SINCERELY
chloé

Cold and Irritable

i am cold. and i am irritable. what a day. if i had known it was this cold out today, i would have worn the snowpants i have on loan from barb-a-loot. sadly, i didnt get to hear the weather this morning, because apparently my dad doesnt know how to navigate a digital alarm clock and the volume was turned way down. luckily, my mum called around the time my alarm was SUPPOSED to go off, but anyway, no weather report for me. anyway, i got my first philosophy paper back today and i did ok but not great on it. im supposed to be working on my second paper right now, but in keeping with the oldest of scholarly traditions, i am procrastinating. im thinking that im going to rock out on rock band when im done with this post.

in other news, i am in a laundry crisis.... i think im going to have to go get change at some point, because i have to bite the bullet and laundry it up. which i dont want to do. i wish i had something more interesting to say, but i dont. maybe ill come up with something later. *sigh*

For A Short Week, It's Looking Mighty Long

well, yesterday was family day, perhaps the greatest of the made up and pointless holidays, except for perhaps arbor day or simcoe day..... anyway, given that dave quacks at me if i dont take my long weekends (even though i cant really afford to) i took yesterday off and dave and i had a very pleasant and relaxing long weekend together. the condensed version is that we went to his parents' for dinner on saturday night and i made vegetarian shepherd's pie. highlights include the fact that i got to wear my red blouse that i got for christmas and the fact that dave's mum doesnt seem to understand that i do not work with senior citizens. i guess, in her mind, all senior citizens are intellectually disabled, the corollary of which is that she is herself, a senior citizen. sunday nite we sort of accidentally ended up at this HORRIBLE restaurant (i thought it was a deli, because, you know, it said it was on the sign) and then we went to trevor's which was fun. we also stumbled upon the biggest used music store i have ever seen and i was perusing this book of hilarious passive-aggresive notes. and then on monday we drove around. good times.
anyway, so today is tuesday, and of course i keep forgetting that it's tuesday and i keep thinking its monday. this is even more confusing because i shuffled my schedule around a little bit this week for various boring reasons that i wont go into here, so my work day today has not been like a usual tuesday for me.
i picked anne up at 11 and she was looking radiant in this cute white jacket that she has. the coffee that she was spilling on it as she waited for me was particularly striking; a lovely contrast with pristine white, as always. i popped into crazy bills convenience on our way downtown to buy smokes and an iced tea and i shot the shit with the cashier for a little while. then we left and hopped on the bus and invaded barb's space for a couple of hours. nothing too exciting happened there, and now we are at the concession street library killing time before i take her home. as you can see, comrades, this is why the blogging just hasnt been happening lately. all of my days are just a scrambled variation of this one. after i drop anne off, i have to go pick up samantha, who i will be taking to the jackson square library to get a library card and to have some dinn dinns. although we wont be having dinn dinns at the library, obviously, we will be having it at the food court. and by we i mean samantha because i am poor and will probably just have a tea and then eat something when i get home. anyway, while i am at the library with samantha, i need to pick up a book for my philosophy course because i have to get going on my next paper. im a little irritated about this situation. the paper is due next thursday, and our ta wont be able to give us back the first paper we wrote until monday because this week is reading week, so really, we have to at least get started on our papers without having his feedback first. although, i suppose, if i was still at school full time i probably wouldnt even be starting this paper until wednesday night, at which point i wouldnt even have this complaint. but only having this one course has made it very easy for me to get my work done well in advance if i feel like it, so of course ive decided to feel irritated about something that wouldnt normally even affect me otherwise. anyway, this post is getting very long and im boring even myself. so dear comrades, if you are still with me, lets hope that my next post is a little more interesting.

Let's Give This Another Go

my good and noble comrades. it has been far, far too long. so long, in fact, that i doubt i even HAVE any good and/or noble comrades reading this anymore. but, let's not be sad about that, im happy to announce that i am going to try and make another go of my blog. although i still do not have the internet at my house, i am taking one course at school which has me on campus three times a week, not to mention my frequent visits to barb's house which all put me in the proximity of the internet, so instead of just passively reading callie's blog and wishing i still blogged, i shall actually use my opportunities to blog, should the mood strike. apparently, the mood has stricken.
ANYWAY, the saddest news i can think to report is that despite my long and profound silence, not really much has happened since i last posted. i continue to work too long for too little pay, and i am barely keeping my head above water. so instead of dwelling on my pathetic existence, lets talk about blog updates.
the links to the right have been updated. that is to say, callie's current blog is now on there instead of her old one that she never writes on anymore. i made a couple of minor (and probably indistinguishable) changes to my profile. i almost thought my ability to edit my blog had vanished, until i realised that i was trying to sign in with the wrong email account. balls. luckily, that crisis was averted, as is evidenced by the fact that i am creating this post.
anyway, since this post is very technical and boring, i think i will try a new one that is a little more interesting.