Vay-Kay

so i took a mini vacation this week, one day to hang out with trevor, one day to hang out with dave for canada day. here are the highlights from my day with trevor.

here i am shopping for bicycle tubes at canadian tire.... always a disappointing experience for cyclists

here is a sudden picture trevor took whilst we waited for a light to change on our super long walking adventure
here i am at the patio at jack astors. i have to say i think this is one of the best pictures trevor has ever taken. not because its of me but i just think the composition is amazing

here is the beer we drank at jack astors. canadian. what a treat for a pauper like me. also i just realised, very appropriate, considering that this is my canada day holiday.


this is the picture of the ashtray that i had trevor take to commemorate the guy who was high on blow who needed to put his cigarette out in our ashtray for some reason. im sure riding the white wave, it makes sense

this is me looking at the menu. i must admit, i was posing because i wanted to have an action shot. although looking at a menu isnt that active
this is trevor at jack astors
this is a picture of the ketchup bottle from jack astors. i have decided that taking a picture of ketchup bottles at restaurants is going to be trevor and my new hobby
this is a picture i took of the menu at jack astors to commemorate our feast on garlic bread, beer and pizza.
this is the view of the cn tower that i had from the balcony at jack astors. its a cool balcony because its very high up in the air
this is me modelling the amazing deals we got on clearance underwear at sears. yay sears
this is me drinking tea at starbucks. its funny because the paper cup is like as big as my head. it looks even bigger because of the perspective.
this is trevor at starbucks. it took me two tries to get this shot because he was talking while i was trying to take the picture

i took this picture of the chairs across the way from starbucks because they were very bright red. and i liked them. also we realised that this establishment was also an espresso bar and we should have tried going there instead of starbucks. but at least theres next time
and this is a picture of the quotes on the starbucks cups. so there it is comrades. my day of fun in the sun (it didnt rain even though it was supposed to) with trevor

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

well id have to say that this post is for all of you who dont really understand what the hell im talking about when i tell you about my job. last monday, i had to take J----- to his first ever challenger baseball game. now, sabrina has been on the challenger baseball team since she was like six, so i have been to many, many of the games. there are also a couple of kids in the league that i worked with briefly but not anymore. anyway, J----- and his parents had never even been to one of the games, so when his mother told me to make sure he didnt do any sliding, i laughed and said, have you ever been to one of these games? trust me, there is no sliding. its like, slow motion baseball.
anyway, so J----- is very physically fragile. basically, he cant fall. ever. because if he fell on his back he could break the rod in his back that is correcting his spine and if he fell on his front he could injure his internal organs. that being said, hes like any other nine year old boy, and hes always been interested in sports and wishes he could play football or soccer, but obviously his disabilities prevent him from doing so. SO it was SO COOL to be working with him at his first baseball game, because once he got over his initial shyness, he just totally opened up and you could see how much he was enjoying playing an organised team sport. you could see he was totally buzzed out to be playing and participating, and it was such a cool experience for me to have a hand in giving him that experience, and it was such an honour for me to be able to share it with him.
i guess what im saying is that even though it seems like my job is vague and random and pays poorly, its times like this that make it worth it. and it has given me so many moments like this, and so many people never come close to having that kind of connection or experience with another person, and i get to have these experiences all the time... so in so many ways i am blessed to be doing what i do. and i guess i cant really explain it any better than that.

Your City's a Sucker, My City's a Creep

greetings comrades. i have been meaning to do this post for some time, but i have been putting it off because i didnt want to do it in a rush. however, the recent comment from rosie dimanno of the toronto star (whose articles i quite enjoy) that hamilton is a 'dump' has forced my hand. also, allow me to preface what i am about to say by acknowledging that i am not the first hamiltonian to write on this issue and from this perspective. i am sure there are many hamilton writers and artists who have done what i am about to do long ago, and probably better. so here we go.
as much as i would like to sit here and bash torontonians for thinking that toronto is the only city in this fine country that matters, i am going to take the high road and not even go there. rather, i am going to talk about how citizens from other cities (im looking at you, TORONTO) have a completely inaccurate, although vaguely understandable perspective on hamilton. and here it is.
if you dont live here and you come to visit, this is what you see: dilapidated buildings, abandoned, boarded up stores, an almost ephemeral greyness that never stops, pollution, babies having babies, drug addicts and dealers, and all forms of riff raff imaginable. is all of this here? yes. but oh, so much more.
only in hamilton can you strike up a conversation with a bus driver without being ordered to shut up and get behind the yellow line. only in hamilton do perfect strangers have chats like old friends. there is so much camraderie here, and i dont see it anywhere else (im looking at you, TORONTO). hamilton is a low income, blue collar town. everyone is on their last leg and just trying to keep on keeping on. this brings the people together. it sounds depressing, but it isnt. hamiltonians have a collective drive to survive and can have a laugh and a beer while doing it. and you cant see that just walking down the street. because of the struggle and strife in hamilton, there is a diverse and fully inclusive arts community, and it seems like everyone here is like minded. so you know what, all of you temporary visitors who cant see past the first impression (im looking at you, TORONTO) im glad youre just temporary, because we dont need your ilk polluting our cultural milleux. so stick that in your pipe and smoke it. the crackhouse is just round the bend.

Poetry?

well well well, my good and noble comrades i have a question to end the ages. is there a limit to creative license??? i think there is. i have to admit this post is vaguely inspired by my fathers attempt to get a bad poetry contest going. (check out the as yet incomplete website at www.thebadpoet.coolpage.biz). anyway, there is this song by live called all over you which is super catchy and great to listen to whilst doing dishes, but really doesnt even attempt to make any sense. here are the lyrics:

ALL OVER YOU by LIVE

our love is like water
pinned down and abused
for being strange
our love is no other
than me alone
for me all day
our love is like water/angels
pinned down and abused
all over you all over me
the sun the fields the sky
I've often tried to hold the sea
the sun the fields the tide
pay me now lay me down

comrades, im not even kidding. those are the lyrics to the song. now, im not a doctor or anything, but i dont think that water or angels are pinned down or abused for being strange. also, i dont understand what pay me now is supposed to mean... is the singer a prostitute? and from what grammatical bizarro land did an ingenious quip like "our love is no other than me alone for me all day" come from?
now before you all start bombarding me with examples of even more inane lyrics than this (that is, if i had any sort of audience other than my mum and daniel wheaton, you might bombard me), allow me to make a distinction. there are some songs/poems that are of the "nonsense" variety. example... the walrus and the carpenter as told by tweedle dum and tweedle dee in lewis carroll's alice in wonderland; foxtrot uniform charlie kilo as sung by the bloodhound gang. etc. i have no criticism for works of this nature. they are silly and fun. but this tripe from live about love being like water seems to be attempting to be this ridiculous love ballad that could only pull the heartstrings of the most desperately love sick twelve year old who is still waiting to start her period..... and thats all i have to say about that.

Disturbing Thought

if no one reads my blog, why should i ever expect anyone to read my book?????

Read My Book!

well i have spent most of this afternoon sending of dozens and dozens of query emails to agents in the states regarding my book about sabrina. i have also been collecting rejection notices from a few of them, but amazingly, one guy asked me to send my manuscript along shortly after i wrote him. so that sounds kind of promising, but best not to get my hopes up. anyway, i have to get moseying on to work now, but lets hope i have the ball rolling, and try not to dwell on the nagging thought that perhaps my work just isnt publishable.

Updates

well, as i mentioned in my last two posts, i would update you about the kite situation and the situation at the walrus as information became available. amazingly, i have information on both at this very moment, so i can condense it into one post. imagine. anyway, so this weekend dave came to see me in hamilton because i had a very brief shift on saturday morning and i figured, why bother wasting a whole day of our ever so short weekends just because i have to work. so dave was unable to get a new diamond kite like the one whose crossbar broke, but he did get a box kite by the same people while the kite sale was still on. although it was a little disappointing that we couldnt fix our diamond kite with any of the parts from the box kite, it was exciting because neither of us had ever flown a box kite before. so yesterday was super windy and we meandered on down to bayfront park and got the box kite up and running. it was awesome! and i tied an extra cord onto it so we got it to go up twice as high. and then i got my batman kite up again (the one that only cost a dollar fifty, remember) and it was excellent. and then i let a little kid fly the batman kite and she got it stuck in a tree. so her dad climbed the tree and we got it out, and amazingly, the cheap little thing didnt get torn. it is the kite that just wont quit. anyway, so thats the kite update. im still trying to get in touch with the makers of our defective diamond kite to see if they can send us a replacement part.
as for updating you about the walrus, i checked again to see if the information about the guilty pleasures writing contest is on the website or not and it is now. so the links in the last post will work now. i suppose my guess that the magazine went to print before the website was up and running was correct... it makes sense i suppose but also seems a little silly that they would send out a publication with incorrect contact information simply because the magazine is dated at some point in the future... but what do i know. im just a blogger.

I Am The Walrus

well i dont think ive ever mentioned it on here (although i could be mistaken, as i tend to mention the most irrelevant of facts here) but i have a subscriptioin to the walrus, which is a more or less excellent canadian magazine. the only really negative thing i have to say about it is the literature articles tend to embody the kind of exasperating pretentiousness that seems to surround every facet of the canadian art world, which i have no patience for. not to mention they are total margaret atwood disciples, BUT that being said, the journalistic pieces and the fiction and such that get published in the magazine are excellent, so all in all, its pretty decent. ANYWAY the walrus is apparently having a "guilty pleasures" writing contest, whose deadline for submission is july 31, and it says in the magazine to check www.walrusmagazine.com/guiltypleasures for full contest rules. well, if you click on the link i so kindly provided, there is no website to be read, and if you just go to www.walrusmagazine.com and search for the contest using keywords, you cant find it either. so i think the people at the walrus sent the magazine to print before they had the webpage up and running, and since you get the hardcopy about a month before the actual date printed on the magazine, it has made for a rather frustrating turn of events. anyway, way to go guys, way to go.

Let's Go Fly A Kite

well, while the rest of you normal people were out in tents getting drunk over the long weekend, dave and i were being extreme geeks. how you may ask? ill tell you. we decided on saturday that it was very windy. so windy, in fact, that you could fly a kite. so we wandered on over to zellers, and youll never believe what happened. KITES WERE FIFTY PERCENT OFF!!!!! MAY 15 TO 22 ONLY!!!!! it was like fate. bizarre, hobby related fate. anyway, so we bought a batman kite for the low low price of $1.48 and a big, giant, 1.9m tall rainbowy kite for $7.48. it was awesome. i was so stoked. but alas, we did not have a chance to fly our kites on saturday, because we went and saw the movie earth (which was awesome) and by the time the movie got out dave was really hungry, and after dinner it was too late to go kite flying. but have no fear comrades. we went out on sunday afternoon to sunnybrook park to fly the shit out of those kites. it was beautiful and sunny and we even checked the wind speed before we left. once we got to sunnybrook, we found this enormous flat playing field and started running around like madmen trying to get the big kite up in the air. dave got pretty close at one point, but then the kite got wrapped around a football goal post. but have no fear comrades, we saved the kite. anyway, after a long time and no success with either kite, we were tired and thirsty, so after a brief detour through the woods, we got back in the car. we stopped at harveys and i got a milkshake and a bottle of water (sidebar: i have to admit, even though the price went up, the new harveys milkshakes made with real ice cream are fantastic). rehydrated, dave took me to his old high school where there was more wind on the playing field. you see, the field at sunnybrook was kind of low and surrounded by thick, old growth forest, and it was virtually wind proof as a result. the field at the high school was perfect. so i got the kites reassembled, and we were off. dave had just let go of the big kite, it began to sail, and then POOF the whole thing folded in half. it was very sad, one of the supporting rods in the back cracked and broke into four pieces. we tried to tape it back together, but alas, it was a lost cause. anyway, we rallied and got the batman kite in the air in about one second, and flew it for almost an hour. it was lots of fun, and we decided since kites are still onsale, we are going to buy a replacement for our giant kite and then try again next week. dave took lots of pictures, so hopefully some of them turned out nice and i can post them on here once they are developed. anyway, that was my long weekend in a nutshell... i will keep you all updated on the kite situation as details become available.

STARTREK

HOLY SHIT. THAT WAS AWESOME.

Forgot to Title

well here we are on this bright and sunny tuesday afternoon. anne and i are at the library and its SWELTERING in here. in other news, they are doing this really serious renovation of the library and farmers market (both in the same building), and there have been little indications of this project for some time now and then all of a sudden, WHOOSH! the entire entrance has disappeared behind drywall and the whole interior has been temporarily reconfigured to allow for the construction. i was so disoriented when we got here, i felt like i had crash landed on a new planet. anyway, it looks like the renovation of both locations is going to be pretty sweet, and im excited to see how it looks when its done. in the meantime, im wondering how long we will have to deal with this somewhat cramped reconfiguration. you see, the whole first floor is closed off, i believe that is where the bulk of the building is being done, so we have all of the stuff from that floor spread out across the rest of the building as it remains. you also have to take an elevator up just tog et into the library its all very bizarre. i cant believe how fast it happened. if i had realised this was the case i would have brought anne here much sooner, but as it is we were at bayfront park enjoying the sun. anyway, i suppose on thursday, if its not raining, we can come down and explore our new habitat. the only other thing to add is while we were out for coffee anne was being a bit of a lunatic (nothing excessive, just a little boisterous) and you should have SEEN the glare this woman sitting there was giving us. i so wanted to confront her, but i never have the nerve to do that sort of thing. *sigh*

ARG

man, anne and i just ran into one of her old workers who ive never met, and she made such a big deal about how difficult anne is and was going on about how they better be paying me enough to work with her and she just had such a bad attitude i wanted to scream. and she was asking me about all of her bad behaviours, like does she still do this, does she still do that and im like, no, not really, seldom, etc, and then she was like oh maybe shes medicated, she wasnt medicated with me. and what i wanted to say was, no, im an excellent worker... but i bit my tongue and just said yes shes made alot of progress with me and im very proud of her. nice to meet you, goodbye. and i cant be sure but i think she was the worker that took her to the pool all the time and people have commented to me many many times that i treat anne much better and am much more patient with her than her old worker..... grr. im so frustrated. the only triumph i had here was that while this woman was giving me the third degree, anne sat in her chair, quiet as anything and behaved in the calm, respectful manner i have come to expect from her.

Thought of Something

well, as anticipated, i thought of something to write about. as i continue to do research on all of this literary agent business, i have learned that theres only like 30 agents in canada. figures. anyway, it looks like this whole process is going to be a hell of a lot of work, especially since i am oh so fortunate enough to live in canada where we only allow a small percentage of people to do anything artistic. i guess the next time i lose work because of rain im going to have to get myself down to the school library and get to work on this stuff where theres no time limit on the computers. *sigh* so painful.

Ten to Five

so yesterday the weather was bad and i didnt work. i spent most of the day at barbs and i played basketball with breanne, and once again i was reminded that i dont play basketball nearly as well as a fourteen year old with down's syndrome. although in my own defense, breanne has a lot more practice than i do, since she has the hoop in the backyard and everything. anyway, that was pretty much the extent of my day and today isnt really any more exciting. im sitting here at the library absolutely convinced that i had something i wanted to do online and now i cant for the life of me remember what it was, so obviously im blogging instead. sadly, this isnt really turning out any better.... so i guess ill go unless i think of somethign interesting to say. i guess if my life was more interesting that wouldnt be such a challenge.

*Gasp!*

my good and noble comrades! i realised, after all of these years, that i had an extraneous comma in the title of my blog! how could this be? why did no one inform me! i am so embarassed by my poor grammar. i feel like i have no right to blog anymore. well, ok, maybe its not that bad, but im always the first to criticise signage with grammatical errors, and here i have been, committing one day in and day out without ever getting caught! oh, the humanity.
ps. i have started a new blog with my sister. a link is on the sidebar, please feel free to explore.

Vodka and Bubbles

i realised that "lemony fresh" is almost exactly the same as "melony fresh." which is odd because i like lemons more than melons, except for watermelon, which is great.

"I'm Glad We Didn't Perish

in the forest fire." thus spoke dave, as he pulled me into bed, arms around my shoulders, pinning me together like a straight jacket. the only thing protecting the world from my insanity. why would he say such a thing you ask? well, ill tell you. saturday morning was sunny and hot, just like the crack addicts at the weather network said it would be. we arose with high, high hopes of lazing about on the beach, but in typical dave fashion we didnt even get out the door until 3pm. anyway, after the long and exceptionally boring subway ride downtown, we walked over to the ferry docks and the temperature started to drop and the clouds started moving in. but we thought, its still warm enough to at least walk around the islands and maybe stroll on the beach, so we paid the fare for the ferry (whats the deal with that. it should be free, or at least part of the ttc), waited and finally got on. once we got to the island and arrived at the beach though, the temperature was dropping fast. over the water, moving toward the city was the biggest, blackest, most ominous storm cloud i could imagine, and the waves were getting bigger and more fierce every minute. we realised that despite the time and expense wasted on this journey, we were going to have to turn around and get back on the ferry. so we sighed, disappointed, and started heading back. but the story doesnt end there.... as we were walking back, the wind started picking up even more. it was so strong it was difficult to walk in, and then suddenly, from behind us we heard this great rumbling, it sounded like a machine and it was getting louder and louder and louder, and suddenly, the wind coming from behind us was really hot. and then, just when i thought i couldnt get any more frightening, i looked a head and the shore was disappearing in clouds of smoke. and i said, "its a fire! look at the smoke! where is it coming from, and why cant we see it?" and the really scary thing is we had to walk TOWARDS the smoke to get back to the ferry, and the machine like noise and hot air were behind us, baring down, and i thought we were going to die. it was terrible.
THEN once we finally got back to land safe and sound and the rain was coming down, we headed back to the ttc and of course my flip flops broke. so i had to ride the subway barefoot (gross). i made the mistake of saying " i dont think this could possibly get any worse, unless of course the power went out in the subway or something." and of course, it did. i mean the power didnt go out, but they were having technical difficulties the whole ride back to daves, and what is normally about a 35 minute ride took over an hour. and so, that was the beginning of summer.

Change-o-Phobic

in TWO senses of the word. first of all, i am really sick of people asking me for "spare" change. no, i dont have any "spare" change, i need all of my change, all of the time, because im POOR and i dont want to end up on the street, asking for change.
that being said, i have removed two of the three gadgets i had put up on here for kicks. they were just too damn ugly. sorry if you were having a blast and a half playing the games, but their ugliness was unacceptable.

My Literary Genius

or something like that. since i have been sitting on my manuscript about sabrina for some time now, and since my arden manuscript is at least half done (i think im aiming for 15 stories total, and im well into my eighth one) i decided its time to find myself an agent. im sure this will prove to be an arduous process, but i filled out one submission form today and i am going to fill out another on friday regarding the piece about sabrina to be sent to another agency. i really hope i can get some type of response. i am particularly hopeful about this agent im going to be contacting about sabrinas book because she seems to be interested in "emotionally gripping non fiction" and if that means anything at all, i think that my piece about sabrina is right up her alley. although i must admit im finding contacting these people challenging in its own right. the form i filled out today asked what i can do to support the sale of the work if it is published, and im not even sure i understand what that means, exactly. so i just rambled on about how its my work and i believe in it and i will do whatever i have to to support the sale of it. and this other one, the one im submitting to about my sabrina book is looking for some sort of proposal or something as well as a query explaining what QUALIFIES me to write the book. i mean i suppose if i was trying to publish a self help book or a medical encyclopaedia or something then i would need some sort of qualifications, but questions like that just tempt me to be a little flippant and say something like, the fact that i am proficient in the english language and that i have enormous creativity and drive is was qualifies me to write the book, you twits. but i understand where theyre coming from really. also, i probably shouldnt have even written that because i attached my blog to a profile for a literary website connecting people in childrens publishing, so anyone who is interested in me can now look at my blog.... lets assume that no one is interested in me. especially since i just joined said community today. by the time anyone becomes interested in me through that site (if ever) this post will be a thing of the past. but its kind of cool to be getting myself out there, i guess. i just hate having to sell myself. i hate job intereviews for the same reason. and its like, man obviously i dont like selling myself, thats why im looking for an agent. i want you to sell me. be my pimp! ill be youre whore! suck me dry, man. suck me dry.

All The Wrong Battles

i am in awe of how bitter my job has made me towards the general public. (i am also in awe of how much trouble i am having typing on this keyboard). anyway, today anne is in a really good mood, so shes a little hyper. we were leaving the public library and she was trying to grab a book out of the librarian's hand, which she always does because shes trying to help, and the librarian goes "oh, you are a BAD girl!" with a big smile on her face in the kind of tone i reserve for my DOG. and i just wanted to slap her, but i couldnt because she totally was actually being nice, and was just ignorant enough to think that anne needs to be spoken to like a six year old. anyway, at the risk of being blackballed from library for the things i wanted to say to this woman, i decided to take my own advice, choose my battles, and walk away.
THEN we get to my school and were at the union market and im fixing up some bagels for us and this woman (who, by the way was totally crowding me out of the bagel station, so i was already irritated with her) totally innocently asked if i work in a group home and i totally snapped. i was like NO. really snotty. and she pauses awkwardly for a moment then says, real polite, sorry for asking. and i said no, im sorry that was bitchy i just get so sick of people inquiring about my clients like they think they know what theyre talking about but theyre really just being nosy and blah blah blah. anyway, i was rambling on and on to this woman and dropping f bombs all over the place and when she finally walked away (i think she was a little scared) i was like, man i have lost my mind.