Anticipation

my days are spent in alternating immersion of fire and water. the fire fuels my anger and my sadness. my anger is shaped like a man. my sadness is shaped like two men. the water cleanses me, that ephemeral world of silence and noise. i pour my anger and my sadness out of me, into the water. out through my lungs. i breathe in the silence, the noise, until i am full of silence and noise instead of anger and sadness. i continue to let the water wash over me, stripping me to my elements so that when i am before the fire i will feel less pain. and when the day is through and i lay my head to rest i try and remember that my happiness is shaped like many things, and i listen to the silence, the noise in my mind. the silence, the noise, of my hiding joy, and i wake in the morning and wait for the day when one of the keystones of my happiness will walk back into my life and the sadness that is shaped like two men will become sadness shaped like one man and then will be forgotten as i embrace the happiness shaped like one man, shaped like myself.