Go To Medical School, Become A Baker

i sometimes wish i was a baker. that, instead of being immensly in debt towards a science degree, i had taken out a loan and bought a bakery. and i would get up at five in the morning to have the bread in the oven, and while the dough was proofing, i would be mixing cookies, icing cakes, and filling pies. and i would have the hum of the convection ovens and my crazy alterna-rock to keep me company. and maybe i would hire some teenagers to work for me in the summer, and my brother and sister. dana would help me in the back and callie could work the front, selling the pastries with her good looks. and i would have a hand in all of teh celebrations in town, weddings, birthdays, graduations, whatever. and people would come back for my key lime pie and i would say the secret ingredient is love, when the secret ingredient is really condensed milk. and i would wear whites to match the white of the trade: white kitchen, white flour, white sugar, white eggs, white cream, white butter, white icing. and i would be known for the light dusting of flour that was ever present on my arms and face, dusting me like so many loaves of bread or cookies. and i would put every ounce of care i have into my pastries, my cookies, my cakes, my apple turn overs, my cobblers and pies. and i would take all of the things i have learned about baking from my parents, and everything i have taught myself and create original desserts, that people would like, but not as much as my key lime pie. i would be quiet, and let the work speak for itself, and i would be happy. i would make vegan desserts, too, and i would be known for the quality of my food. i would make any requests people wanted, in any volume. i sometimes wish i was a baker.

Thinking About Vacations Past and Vacations Yet to Come

See America Right
By The Mountain Goats
i was driving up from tampa
when the radiator burst
i was three sheets from the wind
of the billionth song the first
and then there was the cop
and then the children standing on the corner
your love is like a cyclone in a swamp and the weather's getting warmer
i was getting out of jail
headed to the greyhound
you said youd hop on one yourself and meet me on the way down
i was shaking way too hard to think
dead on my feet about to drop
when i got the case of vodka from the car
and walked the two miles to the bus stop
got on the bus half drunk again
the driver glared at me
met up with you in inglis
booked a ride to cedar key
if we never make it back to california i want you to know i love you
but my love is like a dark cloud full of rain thats always right there up above you

DNyAy

well, here i sit, studying for nucleus and having to skip swimming for it, when i learned that tulips have ten times more DNA than humans. the scientists hold facts like this as evidence supporting the notion that much of DNA is non-coding (on other words, meaningless) because tulips are much lower organisms than humans. but i propose THIS. what if tulips are actually intelligent? they have 10 times the DNA, whats to stop them from uprooting themselves one of these days and taking over entirely? nothing. so watch out, everyone. keep your eye on those tulips. they multiply like mad, and they are coming after us.

BOH

well, i have been disturbingly addicted to this blog i happened upon called WAITER RANT. it is FABULOUS. i advise you all to check it out at www.waiterrant.net. anyway, waiter rant has also led me to a few other posts on other blogs about serving and so on, and i find these thing addicting, because as much as there is animosity between cooks and servers,we are all restaurant folk, and its fun to read about and its nice to see people letting the public into the realities of the business. however, there is a reason they keep us guys in teh back, the public is more interested in servers, because those are the people they relate to when they are out dining. also, we are a vulgar, eccentric group of people and we like being the guys behind the scenes. its where we belong, but we are underrepresented in any public forum on restaurants, whether it be a movie like waiting, a blog like waiterrant, or a book. so without further ado, allow this small she cook to outline for you: BACK OF HOUSE- A GLIMPSE INTO WHERE THE REAL MAGIC HAPPENS (AKA THE THUNDERDOME, BITCH)

THE CHEF
in restaurants much better than the one i work at, there is usually a chef. some places, like the one i work at have a kitchen manager instead, details on him to follow. the chef is usually a man who has been cooking his whole life. half of the kitchen is trying to become this man, and half of the kitchen is trying NOT to become this man. the half trying NOT to become the man are the ones who probably will. the chef is usually an alcoholic because he is passionate about the art of cooking but now his life is steeped in pointless bureaucracy, meetings, and petty disputes. he gets to plan all of the menus and execute their creation, but he also has to do a lot of other work that is very boring and disillusioning. he also probably makes a fraction of the money his friends from high school are now making, and his wife just left him six months ago because hes at his stupid thankless job 100 hours a week. all of this angst has caused him to become a complete arrogant prick who needs servers to stroke his ego 24 - 7 while his cooks avoid him, begrudgingnly learning quite a lot from him despite themselves.

THE SOUS CHEF
the sous chef holds the kitchen together so the chef has time for all of his fun work involving paperwork and inventory. the sous chef is usually bitter at having to deal with his incompetent underlings, but is likeable nonetheless. usually a good guy to have on your side, but dont piss him off, the chef listens to him and NO ONE ELSE. the sous chef still has plans of somehow becoming a chef without becoming an alcoholic, but he knows deep down thats impossible.

LINE COOKS
there are several subdivisions of line cooks, but we can make some preliminary generalisations. line cooks tend to define their personalities at work by the music that they listen to. this sets the tone in teh kitchen for the rest of the day. line cooks generally spend their whole day busting their asses, but they still find time to make inappropriate comments to servers, bitch about their jobs, and cuss non stop. there is no such thing as a pleasant customer to a line cook. it doesnt matter WHAT you order, they don't to make it, and they ESPECIALLY dont want to make it for staff. stress is this kind of cook's business, and business is good.
-> THE DAY CREW: line cooks on the day crew tend to be the lazy pot head types. they work the slowest shifts with the easiest to please customers. the chef or kitchen manager just keeps them around becuase his best cooks work weekends and they dont want weekday day shifts, and he has to keep the best cooks happy, especially since theyre line cooks and they hate everything anyway.
-> THE NIGHT CREW: nights are always busier than days, so you get a better caliber of cook on these nights. often students, the night crew cannot party much during the week, since they work teh night shift, but when they get the chance, they party much harder than the day crew to make up for lost time.
-> THE WEEKEND CREW: these shifts are reserved for the strongest cooks. without fail, these cooks are also the angriest, crudest, and most endearing cooks. they have very strong loyalty to each other from working together under stress for so long and they take no guff from any server. most of them are steadfast smokers, whose entire work experience is just a whole lot of "x number of minutes until my next cigarette"
-> THE BREAKFAST CREW: it has always been my experience that no matter where you work, it takes a certain kind of crazy to cook breakfast. whether it be at a resort where the breakfast crew rolls in before 5 am to get pastries in the oven, or at a pub where you sling 300 plates of greasy eggs in an inappropriately equipped kitchen for six hours, breakfast cooks are the kooks of teh kitchen

PREP COOKS
prep cooks are a lot slower than any line cook, because they are not under any sort of pressure for time. in kitchens with more than one prep cook, they tend to band together since the line cooks are too busy running around and swearing to have a conversation with anyone who is not a line cook. in some kitchens, prep cooks are completely isolated from line cooks, making their kitchen experience entirely other.

DISHLICKERS
these BOH representatives tend to be high school kids who need to make some easy money on teh weekends, or very old men with low IQs. other than dishes, they get given plenty of bitchwork, and are constantly reminded that they are expendable. a few of these kids will climb the kitchen ladder, and dont realise that bitchwork now means real kitchen jobs in teh future. they are often completely useless with tonnes of attitude, but every now and again you meet one with a sense of humour.

SHECOOKS
she cooks can be in any of the above categories, but i think they deserve a mention here as well.
-> THE FEMININE SHE COOK: this she cook is still trying to retain her feminity because it either has not dawned on her yet that this is a mans trade in a mans world, or she knows that but doesnt care. very few she cooks like this last very long.
-> THE "I AM A BOY" SHE COOK: this she cook has been working it kitchens so long that her boyishness has spread into every aspect of her life. or perhaps her boyishness is what drew her to cooking in teh first place. she forgets shes a girl, her coworkers forget shes a girl, and new servers think shes a dyke. she holds her own among the boys and throws out as much sexism and mouthing off as everyone else
-> THE RAGING MAN HATER SHE COOK: this she cook hes been mistreated by men both in and out of work and feels she has something to prove. she is not one of the boys, she is more of a feminist. an extreme feminist. she thinks anything the boys can do, she can do better, and will not tolerate any of the behaviours that make cooks so endearing. this she cook is hated by all, and either changes her attitude or finds a new job.

SO there you have it folks, my 2 cents on what i do. hope you liked it, now im going to get back to my stupid nucleus paper.

Letters

Dear global village marketplace: thank you for being there, with your delicious, affordable vegetarian sandwiches. thank you for having more vegetarian options than meat options, one of the few places where our people are the majority. thank you for delicious, organic, free trade herbed goat cheese. thank you for your strange owner who always seems like shes talking to someone else when shes actually talking to you.

Dear swimming: im sorry i sucked so much ass tonite. i have not been on the ball lately, but im going to bring it back, i promise.

Dear wolf parade: you rock so hard. how did i exist without you in my life. apologies to the queen mary is one of the most moving albums i own i think. please record more albums.

Dear nucleus paper: you suck and i hate you i wish you were a live so i could kill you. instead you are killing me.


Love, Chloé

My Stalker

my stalker is heartless and completely insensitive. he watches me as i sit at my desk and mocks me. he makes fun of me when i forget when my period is due. he asks me questions i dont want to answer, like, "what are you doing with yourself?" "why havent you started your nucleus paper, its due in two weeks?" "how are you going to get by after you graduate?" "why havent you scheduled your grad photos yet? or paid the bills? or called your uncle?" he always makes me feel bad about myself, and never goes away. i try to ignore him, but he is relentless, always there, over my left shoulder, looming like some sort of hideous gargoyle. he is ominous and forbodes so much. i only keep him around because sometimes he reminds me of good things, like Christmas break, and nikolai's next show, or my sister's birthday..... i wish i could escape him though... the relentless pursuit of me, by the days that pass on my calendar

Someday

i have no love story to tell. no tale of eyes meeting across a crowded room. no whispered sweet nothings and talk of forever. no words to fill an eternity, no silences to fill a soul. no story of bubbling insatiable passion, of restlessness, of excitement and fear. no wide eyed starry nights of euphoria and self centredness. no first kisses, or hundreth kisses that still feel like first kisses. no words for always. no talk of destiny. i have no love story to tell.

Out Of The Loop

apparently. after a long hiatus from my already half-assed music endeavours (the half assedness particularly refers to the guitar in general and in this case), i decided i wanted to get some tabs for some decembrists songs.... eli the barrowboy in particular and possibly, we both go down together. anyway, its irrelevant WHAT songs i was looking for, what is important is the fact that apparently i am out of the loop because theres been some sort of controversy as to whether posting guitar tabs online is legal or not. what is the deal with that? i mean arguments against stealing MP3s, i totally understand, but putting the chords up? what is wrong with that? its not illegal to play someone else's music... its not like you could pass it off as your own... and its not like youre taking something physically from the band and making money off it, i dunno. i dont know the details on this business, but apparently i cannot get tabs at this juncture. however, nikolai was SHOCKED at the fact that i dont learn music by ear, a skill i was never very keen on developing... perhaps the time is now. i dont know very many guitar chords though.... ive thought of two approaches for attempting to learn these songs by ear.... 1) i could figure out the melody on teh guitar to figure out what key its in and then fit the appropriate chords to it.... 2) i could figure out the chords on teh piano and then learn them on guitar.... either way, i find myself wondering just HOW MUCH i want to learn these songs. lazy, i know. i think my real problem is that i have this huge upwelling of creativity and inspiration right now, and since im still waiting to recieve my paints, im jsut trying to get it out. hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Food For Thought

Hug o' War By Shel Silverstein

I will not play at tug o' war

I'd rather play at hug o; war

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles

And rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles

And everyone wins

A Birthday Story

There once was a boy named Amit. amit enjoyed things like animé, asian chicks, and techno music. there was also a girl named chloé. chloé enjoyed things like dancing, swimming, and tea. chloé and amit were brought together one fateful day by a shared interest in botany. after spending a semester working at the same lab bench, chloé and amit persued a friendship, which unearthed all of the fabulous things they had in common, such as their love of movies, bread, cartoons, and dining out. they also learned about all of the ways in which they differ, which makes them compatible friends indeed. anyway, as time went on, the two chums discovered that their birthdays were only ONE DAY APART! which was almost as exciting as discovering they were born on the same day. so, last night, the two friends enjoyed their second annual celebration of their shared birthday. they went to gate of india for dinner, which went very smoothly, compared to the usual sort of thing that happens when they go out. then they proceeded to pepperjack café for open mike night, where they played pool and ran into a certain band that chloé follows around (although this run-in was accidental) and generally had a fabulous time. so happy birthday, amit! may you live to forget this night.

A Legend An English Teacher Once Told Me

the white knight went on a quest. he wanted to destroy the black knight. the white knight lived by the following rules: a white knight doesnt steal, a white knight doesnt kill the innocent, a white knight doesn't take advantage of the less fortunate, a white knight doesn't make false promises, a white knight does not kill the innocent, a white knight doesn't incur debt, a white knight doesn't break the hearts of women. the black knight had broken all of these rules, and so the white knight wanted to defeat him in order to uphold virtue for all. on his journey, the white knight stopped at an inn. the innkeeper had a beautiful daughter, who served the knight his ale. by the end of the night, the daughter had fallen in love with the knight, and she allowed him to lie with her till the morning. in the morning, the knight said, "my darling, i must go, for i am on a quest to uphold virtue. i shall return for you when my journey is over." the innkeeper's daughter could think of nothing to say, but she cried when he left. he left before teh innkeeper was awake, and so was unable to pay his tab. he thought, this innkeeper will not mind my debt, since it was incurred in order to uphold virtue. many days passed on his journey, and the knight was getting weak with hunger. he saw a camp where some poor vagrants were sleeping, and there was a loaf of bread among their posessions. the knight took the bread while they slept. he had no money to leave them, but he thought, this is not stealing, because i am taking this bread so i can continue my quest, so it is necessary to uphold virtue. later on his way, he spied a beast on the side of the road. he assumed the beast would attack his horse, so he shot it with his bow. when he went to retrieve the body, he saw that the creature was not a beast, but an old hag, who had been by the road, begging. he thought, when i shot this hag, i thought she was a beast who would have attacked me, she was killed in order to uphold virtue. finally, the knight approached the summit where he knew the black knight lived. as he came to the top of the hill, he spied another white knight approaching from the other direction. as the first knight lifted his arm to greet the approaching knight, he was struck down by the approaching knight's arrow. when the approaching knight was closer, the first knight said, "my friend! why would you strike down another white knight? are you not on the same quest as i? to destroy the black knight in order to uphold virtue? now my quest will have been in vain" and the other knight said "how can you call me your friend, when you are the very knight i have been questing after to defeat!" and with that, the first knight looked down, and with his dying breath he saw, that over the course of his journey, his shining white armour had rusted and turned to darkest black.

Another Day In Paradise

the light from the refrigerator illuminates groceries i forgot i had. on this early monday morning, i feel like a stranger in my apartment, or maybe like i just got back after an extended absence. this is what my weekend has become: blurry little whirlwinds in my life where this apartment with its mess and my groceries and bad carpets doesnt really seem to exist at all. and then on monday mornings i return from yoga and say hello to my real life, and spend the day readjusting to this place, this life of mine. but for a few minutes, in the quiet as i wait for my water to boil, i feel like i am walking around in a stranger's life, looking at someone else's mess, someone else's groceries, someone else's bad carpets. and i get to be a voyeur of myself, observing my things and the remnants of my behaviour, and i ask myself questions about this person, try to understand what she is like. and then i sit in the silence and drink my tea, and smoke my cigarette, and stare into space and my regular soul finds its way back into me, and i am myself, for another crazy week, before the ghosts of the weekend come to reclaim me again

Disjointed

i drew a picture of a waterfall this week. and i wrote on it, "o, that i could live behind a waterfall. the only calm place in this chaotic space. and all is made silent and drowned in the din, and divinity and peace are all thats left to fill the space youre in" or words to that effect...
i also drew a picture of a lizard today, it was the lizard that the students keep as a pet at the alternative school. the drawing was called pebbles, because apparently thats his name. i learned later that there is some debate as to what the lizards name actually is. i was happy with how the drawing turned out though...
i saw the godfather for the first time today. it was fantastic. i cant wait to watch the rest of them. captivating, really...
theres a plate in the kitchen covered with old tomato sauce that has turned into mould...i with one of the guys would take out the garbage so i can deal with teh mould plate. i guess i could take out the garbage, but i dont really want to...
i cant decide if i like my wednesday yoga class as much as my tuesday/thursday class. its kind of different, harder in a way, i guess thats a good thing, good to work hard, but im tired of working my quads...
the lesban barista gave me half a little cake thing today, that was nice, although i dont understand why shes always giving me stuff....
natural disasters midterm on friday...should probably start studying...
goodbye

Faceless

"what kind of brazilian girl would you be?" seems like a good place to start off a recap of my fabulous evening last nite. "a sexy one" was the answer to this question, posed to me by nikolai at the small but distinguished pepperjack cafe, as we smoked in the rain waiting for the band called the brazilian girls to come on. we were flanked by jordan and amanda, snooty fox associates. so after our cigarettes, we went back inside to get more drinks, and then i headed up to the can, where i bumped into a girl on her way out. after the usual "oh sorry, excuse me" crap, i went to the can and then headed back downstairs to my friends and drinks, and the band was finally coming on, half an hour late..... and who should the lead singer be? none other than the very girl i had just bumped into! crazy! anyway, the lead singer of the brazilian girls wears all of her hair over her face, so you cannot see her face at all, except for one cheekbone, which, we decided later, is a very nice cheekbone indeed. this is her thing, she does it on stage and in photos, so noone actually knows what she looks like. but let me tell you, i didnt realise that a woman without a face could be sooo sexy. and she was so cool. and the band was great. we had so much fun dancing away, ive never danced with jordan before, but he was great, and he looked so cool in his old mans hat. nikolai was dancing with his hands in his pockets, and since we didnt have a lot of space, he was dancing very differently from usual, but i liked it a lot. i had my hippy hips shakin away, and nik can never make fun of my shoulder dancing again, because he was on shoulder patrol last nite. his shoulders were on fire. anyway, the band was great, nikolai bought the cd, and im looking forward to listening to it at work on saturday. after it was over, nik was like "im going to go have sex with the lead singer" which i thought was a hilarious thing to say, and i followed it up with "thats going to fail" and he was like, "yeahi know". he couldnt even find her to engage in said sexual encounter, so i won, considering i saw her in teh can which is way closer to having sex with her than not seeing her at all. we headed back to snooty for last call and spent the rest of the night playing darts (well, i watched) and telling our coworkers how sexy this woman was, and how great the music was. we also made the bartender put the brazilian girls cd on in teh bar. good times had by all, totally worth it, im glad i went. and im glad jordan and amanda came, it was lots of fun.

Yog?

so on friday night, i went shopping with sabrina and her parents. why? because they have a car, and i needed to go to places that are long bus rides and very long, uphill bike rides. places that they were going to anyway. places like walmart. so, i had lots of fun pushing the cart for sabrina's mum, who needed to go to way more sections of the store than i did, which of course resulted in a few impulse purchases on my part. one of which was this generic cereal called "YogActive". how could i resist a product that has yog in the title? i couldnt. also, it passed my ever-scrupulous ingredients check, albeit by a small margin. however, as i was assessing this cereal, i realised it was generic, and was most likely a knock off of some other brand name cereal, but i couldnt quite put my finger on it. but today, when i finally opened the box, it dawned on me... it is a knockoff of the new special K cereals, such as special K with strawberry, or vanilla special K with banana. YogActive comes in three flavours, strawberry, banana, and kiwi. i settled on the strawberry because strawberries are superior to blueberries, and i find that freeze dried kiwi is often sour. so anyway, YogActive has flakes, fruits, and "15% probiotic yoghurt pearls" which im going to assume means that the entire make up of the cereal by mass is 15% yoghurt pearls, not that the yoghurt pearls are 15% milk fat. anyway, so now that you have the backup story, allow me to give a review of this cereal. in obvious mimicry of special K (and so many other cereals like it) YogActive is trying to make itself seem super healthy to all of those would be skinny people by boasting low levels of satuarted fats, and having pictures of thin women in workout clothes eating it on the box. also, the use of the word "probiotic" is a definite attempt to grab all the wannabe health nuts out there with some meaningless, made up scientific jargon. this sort of thing really pisses me off. for a few reasons. first of all, it will never stop irritating me how the only association most people make with health is being thin. yes its true that excess fat is unhealthy, but there are a million other things that are unhealthy, and there are at least a million skinny people who engage in these unhealthy activities. low fat does not mean healthy. healthy foods are low in saturated and trans fats, refined sugars, preservatives, and bleached grains. healthy foods are also HIGH in fibre, WHOLE grain (which is NOT the same as multi grain!), omega 3 and 6 fatty acids, minerals, vitamins, and are generally less processed, hence the advent of movements such as the raw food phenomenon. anyway, so this whole thing with people trying to think that theyre so granola when they eat crap as far as im concerned bugs me. alot. but i guess i should be positive and remember that its good that peopla are TRYING to eat healthy, and they just need to educate themselves better. i guess i just feel like a lot of these people put themselves on the same level as eaters like myself, and im like, no, you are a poser. also, dont even get me started on the fact that i bought it at walmart, i was only there because knitting stuff is almost impossible to find in hamilton. anyway, so thats the negative side to the YogActive cereal. the positive side is that, although there is a little more refined sugar in it than i usually eat, and i dont usually eat processed yoghurt, and it isnt made with whole grains, it is, more or less, not too bad for you, and its a solid snack for the student/swimmer/cyclist/yoga student in you. the strawberries are delicious, just like the special K, and the yoghurt pearls are retty good too. theyre a little on the sweet side for me, and they sink to the bottom of the dish, which makes the last few bites a bit much for me, but on the whole, a good snack. i still like Good For You, the swedish muesli better, but its a nice treat. this has been your chloé consumer report, thank you for listening.

Giving Thanks

well, this weekend i was so busy being bitter and drunk that i realised i didnt take any time to reflect on the things in my life that im thankful for, which is what this weekend is suppsoed to be all about. so, heres the short list. i am so thankful for my wonderful family and friends. all of you fill me with so much joy, inspiration, and love. i am so lucky to have so many people who care for me and to have so many people to care about. next, i am thankful to have the opportunity to be here in hamilton, going to university, and for all of the things that being here has brought into my life, including my jobs, my volunteer work, my cat, and so on and so forth. i am thankful for my health and my mind. i am thankful for all of the music that inspires me and breathes life into me when i am weary. i am thankful to God for all of these things, and for my salvation through Christ. I am thankful for my strength, passion, and determination. Glory be to God for all of these blessings.

Hello Again

my good and noble comrades. it has been far far too long. after a rather tumultous summer, i am back in the game, embracing my last year of my undergrad degree for all it is worth. my future is uncertain, and i am scared at times, but i know there are things in my life that are certain, the things that matter. i know there are people who love me, and people that i love and i am trying to cherish all of the moments that fill me with joy so that when i launch myself into the "so now what" days, i will have them to hold on to. my universe is so harmonized right now, and i am so thankful for that. so thank you, to all of you, all of you artists and poets and beloved friends of mine, who were there through the thick, who inspire me with your beauty, and who keep me honest. i love you all. extra love goes out to jill, clancy, owen, shayla, amit, and of course, my darling nikolai. its been one hell of a ride. L'CHIAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Nice To Have Others To Speak For Me

Bliss Like This: By Ani Difranco

i said venice

you heard vegas

now i say either way

baby lets go

i get so shaky

and i just cant shake it

i bliss like this

im one of those

bit i dont wanna wear you

wear you like a band aid

wave you like a ticket

out of my good grief

i just wanna know you

know you like i know my garden

what you smell like when youre bloomin

what lives underneath

deep down underneath

way down underneath

we do a whole lotta laughin

at the shyness that surrounds us

i do a whole lotta looking

somewhere else

i dont need to look

no, i can just feel you

besides everytime i see you

it just forces me to look at myself

cuz i get so shaky

and i just cant shake it

i bliss like this

im one of those

and i said venice

and you heard vegas

but now i say either way

lets go

cmon baby lets go

Miss You, Nikolai

RAINING IN BALTIMORE: By The Counting Crows

The circus is falling down on its knees

Big top is crumbling down

Its raining in Baltimore, fifty miles east

Where you should be, noones around

I need a phone call

I need a rain coat

I need a big love

I need a phone call

These train conversations are passing me by

And I dont have nothing to say

You get what you pay for

But I just had no intention of living this way

I need a phone call

I need a plane ride

I need a sun burn

I need a rain coat

And I get no answers, and I dont get no change

Its raining in Baltimore baby, but everything else is the same

Thers things I'll remember, and things I'll forget

I miss you, I guess that I should

Three thousand, five hundred miles away, but what would you change if you could?

I need a phone call

Maybe I should buy a new car

I can always hear a freight traing baby if I listen real hard

And I wish it was a small world

Cause I'm lonely for teh big towns

I'd like to hear a little guitar

I guess its time to put the top down

I need a phone call

I need a rain coat

I really need a rain coat

Anticipation

my days are spent in alternating immersion of fire and water. the fire fuels my anger and my sadness. my anger is shaped like a man. my sadness is shaped like two men. the water cleanses me, that ephemeral world of silence and noise. i pour my anger and my sadness out of me, into the water. out through my lungs. i breathe in the silence, the noise, until i am full of silence and noise instead of anger and sadness. i continue to let the water wash over me, stripping me to my elements so that when i am before the fire i will feel less pain. and when the day is through and i lay my head to rest i try and remember that my happiness is shaped like many things, and i listen to the silence, the noise in my mind. the silence, the noise, of my hiding joy, and i wake in the morning and wait for the day when one of the keystones of my happiness will walk back into my life and the sadness that is shaped like two men will become sadness shaped like one man and then will be forgotten as i embrace the happiness shaped like one man, shaped like myself.