This is Why Everyone Should Knit

hello comrades! long time no see. i have had a very hectic week, and thus have not had the occasion or opportunity to blog. but have no fear, i am here now! and i am excited to write about something i actually had the foresight to jot down notes about last friday so i wouldnt forget. ready?
last friday, on my way to daves, i was in a rather cynical and antisocial mood. i get this way from time to time. i try to snap out of it, usually, but when you work with marginalised people who are treated like dirt by the rest of society it isnt always easy. so i had my knitting under my arm, and i realised that there are a few unforseen advantages to being a knitter, which i shall share with you here.
1) if you carry your knitting under your arm while travelling on foot, as i often do between different forms of public transportation, you are always armed. im sure that some people would argue that carrying around knitting also makes you a more likely target for mugging, and that may very well be the case. however, those would-be assailants will think twice next time they try to attack a knitter, because quick as a flash, i could have a 16 inch knitting needle crammed in their eye socket, and another tucked swiftly under the ribs. the soothing comfort of knitting seems to be the gift that keeps on giving, if you ask me.
2) if you spend any sizable amount of time on public transportation, as i do, knitting is a great way to pass the time without getting carsick, and you can listen to music at the same time. i know some people can read and listen to music, but i dont like to. that being said, there is a bonus to knitting on the bus or subway. NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO A KNITTER. the needles flailing about in the hands of even the most experienced and subtle knitter are seen as a nuisance by other travellers, and they will avoid you at all costs. now, before you start to worry that i am an antisocial lunatic, i want you to look deep inside your conscience and try to tell me honestly that you "dont really mind" when people sit next to you on the bus. thats what i thought. you mind. we all mind. get over it.
3) finally, if you ever get lost in the woods, your knitting could be all that stands between you and certain death. whether the garment you are making gets used as a blanket, the needles get used as tools, or the wool gets used as string, having a knitting project on the go could save your life.

so there it is, comrades, the unexpected perks of knitting. until next time, keep your stick on the ice.