Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Snowflakes = Fractals

hello comrades! i sincerely apologise for the infrequency of my posting. my sister has been complaining on behalf of all of you, so never fear, someone is looking out for you and your need to read! anyway, the truth is the branch of the library where i usually go for my internet fix is closed for the finishing touches to the big renovation and this is the first chance ive had to come to a different branch. on top of all that, there have been big kerfuffles in my personal life and i have had running around to do for the holidays and i just havent had time to write. PLUS whenever i DID sit down to write lately, i got distracted by catching up with the blogging blobs, who im sure you all remember i am rather fond of. but all of this is neither here nor there, because i actually have been holding onto TWO topics that i want to write about, and both are brief and semi related, so i shall write both in this one post.
first of all, we are enjoying (or not enjoying, i guess) the first of what is predicted to be a very snowy winter here in southern ontario and monday morning started bright and early with minus twenty five degree wind chill and black ice due to flash freezing. although it was a little inhospitable out, a sick and twisted part of me was delighted. for one thing, i am fond of winter, and for another, more important thing, i was eager to try out my new skinny road tires on the ice and snow. i had road tires on my old bike a few years ago, but its been a while and this is a different bike, so i was curious about how the handling was going to turn out. since i put the new tires on, i have felt the handling much more sensitive to small changes in the steering which makes for more concentration when riding. i assumed that the ice and snow was going to be way mroe difficult to navigate than they were with my old tires that were wider and had more tread, but i actually found the opposite to be true. i dont know if this is some bizarre trick of physics, or if i am just a better rider on road tires (possibly a bit of both) but i was able to control my bike much better with the skinny slippery tires than the big rugged ones. i think its because the lack of traction helps me glide through/over the snowy patches instead of having to plow through them which always results in wobbliness if not complete system failure. i must admit, stopping short isnt much of an option on the ice, but i am pretty good at slowing down well before hitting red lights. also i am always prepared to leap off of my bike in the worst case scenario of losing control. all said, it was an interesting and delightful turn in my ongoing bicycle narrative.
the other thing i wanted to mention is semi related in that it is about my fondness for mathematics, and i suppose my other story is kind of about my being impressed by if not fond of physics. this past weekend, dave and i were visiting my aunt and uncle and my cousin was helping me with a craft which involved some gluing and as we were laying out the things to be glued before actually setting them, my cousin remarked that the way i was patterning them was actually going to match the planned design perfectly. to which i told her not to ever doubt mathematics, for it was the mathematics of pixellation that made my design perfect. this gave me pause to reflect on how much i love that about math and in many ways science. although i have my own internal struggles with my faith at times, i can honestly say this: math is one of the ways that God reveals himself to us. it is perfection, mysterious, unshakable. it made me realise why there are certain sects (like Kabbalah, i believe) of Judaism and other faiths that have a very distinct numerology. many would say that sort of thing is nonsense or voodoo, like astrology or something, but i kind of get it. math is so perfect, its almost divine. maybe it is, and those people are just seeking divinity where its most likely to be found. i dont know, but it certainly is some food for thought.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Odes

hello comrades! i have had a number of little odes that i have been meaning to write and so i thought i would combine them all together and make a condensed little list, because i am a fan of things that are little and poignant. although i cant really promise this is going to be poignant, other than the poignancy of its minute size. but no matter. here goes.

-> falafel is the finest food for under three dollars. it is a complete meal, full of pickles and lovely condiments. it is filling, warm, delicious and never disappointing. i wish we could say that about everything in life.

-> snowpants allow you to go to work in your pyjamas and no one knows any better. especially when your snowpants look like khaki pants, as mine do. i may not have to do laundry again until spring.

-> alpacas make the world a fluffier place. they are so cute. i finally splurged on a ball of 100% alpaca yarn for myself and it is such a joy to work with. just wrapping it around my fingers gives me immense satisfaction and i love rubbing the complete mitten all over my face, imagining i am on an alpaca farm.

-> comfortable silence with the person you love is very rewarding and intimate. too many people talk too much and dont know how to just be.

-> winter is for happiness and christmas and snow. reminds me of home and simpler times.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Good Sweat

hello all! i seem to have lost a follower! oh well. im pretty sure my sister is the only one of my followers who actually reads my blog, so it doesnt really matter. anyway, thats not what i am going to write about today. instead, i am going to mention again my fondness for blogging blobs, especially since they have inspired me to write a post. in case you are just tuning in to the relevance of blogging blobs, this is a diet non support group of some american plus sizers whose blog i find both entertaining and informative. entertaining because they spend a lot of time making fun of each other and accusing some guy named bret of being a closet case and informative because as my regular readers know, i am immensely fascinated with the goings on in the heads of the world's obese.
so why am i mentioning this again? because now that these wide loads have been on their diets for a couple of weeks, it has occurred to approximately half of them that they might actually have some hope of losing weight if they actually darkened the doors of a gym once in a while. bravo for them! the interesting corollary of this is that they are learning all about the fantastic world of exercise and hitting a few road bumps along the way. this, dear readers, is what has inspired this post. i would henceforth like to offer the following tips for people who are new to exercise to make the process a little less painful.
1) it isnt how much you eat, its what you eat. losing weight and getting healthy has very little to do with the volume of food you are eating. when you are overweight and start working out, it can be frustrating to feel even hungrier than before when you are trying to eat less so you can lose weight. dont get frustrated, because you dont have to eat less! you just have to eat better! the fact that you are getting hungry is a good sign because it means that you are actually burning off some of those calories during your work out. try to focus on eating a little bit all day long instead of three large meals and learn to snack smart. reach for an apple instead of a chocolate bar and some raw unsalted nuts instead of those chips. go ahead, you can do it. youll like it.
2) how to not fall off the elliptical trainer. i know using the elliptical trainer can feel more like a near death experience than a workout. here is what i suggest: if you bend slightly at the waist as the crossramp is increased, you will change your centre of gravity enough that you wont feel so top heavy and wont have the sensation that you are about to fall. if you feel like the only choice the machine is giving you is to go super duper fast (a complaint from one of the blobs) try increasing the resistance. also, remember, weight loss and overall health is all about cardio. you should be trying to stay in your target heart rate for at least 15 minutes every day in order to build cardiac muscle and lose weight. for most people in their 20s the target is somewhere in the 170-180 beats per minute range, but for the blobs if they can get themselves over 120 to start with they will get good results.
3) dont get hung up on numbers. its easy to fall victim to your scale. just dont do it. numbers are mostly irrelevant because all of us are different. for example, i am 20 pounds heavier than i was a year ago even though im two sizes smaller. why? because i have speed skater thighs and i bulk up easy. since im a woman you cant really see how much muscle mass ive gained but its a lot. dont let the scale tell you how to feel about yourself. thats what mirrors are for.
i guess thats all i have to say on this subject for now, but i do look forward to getting more inspiration from my favourite fat friends.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

ET Phone Home?

greetings, comrades. i am sorry i havent been posting very frequently. truth be told, i havent had many ideas, and i have been very busy knitting and stuff, which sounds ridiculous, but its true. that being said, i did come up with an excellent post idea last week and i have finally found a moment to sit down and write it. huzzah!!!!!
so, in the current issue of the walrus, which is the only magazine i bother reading, there is a brief article about the SETI (search for extraterrestrial intelligence) Post-Detection Taskgroup. put simply, this is a group of people from various fields (not just astronomers) who are listening away with various technologies in the event that aliens ever contact us, either on purpose or by accident. in the meantime, they come up with possible theories as to why they might be contacting us and what we should do if this ever happens. they also have (apparently rather heated) debates as to whether we should be soliciting alien communication by sending messages out. not surprisingly, this group includes philosophers, theologians, psychologists and even science fiction writers (?) in addition to the scientists.
there are two main schools of thought about why aliens might intentionally contact us. the first is that they are good and highly advanced and seeking greater knowledge of the universe, and the second is that they are evil and have most likely destroyed their own world and are looking for a new place to set up camp. based on these two ideas, the SETI taskforce spends its days trying to predict the behaviour of our alien friends before we ever meet them. both theories are interesting and have their merits, but i would like to introduce a point here that no one seems to have considered, and even if they did, there is really know way of addressing it.
my point is this: it is a fact that we are incapable of concieving of something outside of our own biology. we only have universal truths like "good" and "evil" because those have arisen out of our own experiences as carbon based lifeforms on this here planet. beings from other planets could and probably would have their own universal truths because of the differences in their biology and thus its unlikely that their version of higher consciousness would even be anything akin to the version we all inhabit.
to put it all more simply, go and watch any sci fi you like. every single alien can be related back to some kind of terrestrial creature or creatures. this is because our human brains are limited by our biology and our understanding of the world around us. on our planet, there are a fixed number of elements and strict physical rules as to how those elements interact with one another. what is to say that there isnt an entirely different set of elements and physical rules governing life on other planets? there is really no way of knowing. this seems just as likely to me as anything else, and so i would argue that it really isnt possible for us to try and predict the motives or behaviour of these aliens because our motives and behaviour stem ultimately from our unique set of "universal" truths.
ultimately, though, we have to work within our (probably) limited parameters, because what other choice do we have? regardless, there are a whole pack of people making piles of money to sit around listening to radio silence. right on.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

More Knitting!

stuffed bunny
black makeup bag
purple clutch
toddler sweaterbaby hat
other baby sweater
plus size sweater

brown clutch
twirly top toque
twirly top toque from the side

hooded jacket for my mum

vintage style jacket with frog closures


scrunchie top

Monday, November 08, 2010

Beautiful and Strange

greetings and happy monday, comrades! i am rather tired from staying up too late after a beautiful and strange weekend that i shall share with you directly. on saturday, dave and i went to the royal winter fair, which we managed to miss last year but did attend the year before. unfortunately, i didnt have my camera with me so i dont have any adorable photos to show you, but take my word for it there was adorable a-plenty happening at the fair. i saw alpacas and llamas and cows and sheep and goats and tiny horses and pigs and piglets and bunnies and all manner of agricultural goodness all in one place. i also spent twenty dollars that i dont exactly have right now on ONE yes ONE ball of 100% undyed alpaca wool. although this is a ridiculously frivolous expense, i decided ages ago that my birthday/christmas present to myself would be to knit myself a pair of mittens out of alpaca wool and so i cant really bring myself to feel too guilty about it. plus with all the excessive cycling i do, i really do need strong and warm mitts, the cheapo ones ive been wearing the last two years really dont cut it. i am very excited to make them, the wool is so fresh there are still bits of hay in it. not even kidding. i think im going to do a braided cable pattern on the back and a seed stitch on the palm for traction and increased heat retention. smart design, form meeting function and all that jazz. (this is me putting my biology degree to work. form and function is one of the overarching biological principals, but that is another post to be written another time). anyway, the alpaca mittens will keep me happy until the fateful day when dave finally buys me an alpaca farm to call my very own. and there will be five dogs and much joy. but anyway, moving on.
the other thing to tell you about this weekend is unfortunately on sunday dave and i had to go to a funeral for one of his friends from childhood/adolescence. it was very sad, he died rather suddenly of a freak heart attack. that being said, however, we did manage to make the most of a bad situation. almost all of daves good buddies from high school were there, and they havent really seen much of each other in the last few years. after the service and the seemingly endless standing around talking about nothing, we all went to a very posh expensive bar and had a few drinks and some appetizers, and it was so cool to see all of them reconnecting. it was such a unique experience and everyone was so happy, despite the sad circumstances bringing them together. i was grateful to be a part of it, even though i was something of an outsider. there was one woman who was a super biatch, but theres one in every crowd, and there was a SUPER hilarious trophy girlfriend who was totally textbook self-absorption which kind of balanced out the presence of the bitch face. it was so heartwarming to see dave reconnecting with all of his old mates, and the few that i got to talk to at length were very, very cool people. its amazing to see how as much as people change, they really do stay the same. i think i will hold onto my impressions from last night forever, it was so beautiful and strange.

Friday, November 05, 2010

I Don't Normally Do This

BUT this blog is just too titillating to not discuss! i think the last time i plugged a blog was back when i was reading waiterrant when i was working at the bar years ago, so dont worry, those of you who may care, i am not going to make a habit of blogging about other blogs. that being said, there is a brand new blog afoot, and i think its going to be my new favourite.
so, as i have mentioned before, particularly in this post, i have a bizarre fixation with obesity. without reiterating the entire post verbatim, i basically just want to get in the heads of these blubbery people and park it for a few days, because i really, really, really, want to know what the deal is. (for a better explanation, read the post).
which is where this little plug of mine comes in. a few fatties from 20sb have started their own blog called blogging blobs. this not-so-little project is five plus size american 20-somethings who have banded together to create a diet non-support group. each of them gets a different day of the week to tell us about how their diets are going and then the other four gang up and make fun of them. hilarious and informative. i totally reccommend this blog, especially for my comrades who share my fascination.
the only other thing i have to say about it is this: although they are all being very good humoured about it, i do think that they are all legitimately trying to take off the pounds. i just want to point out to all of them (if any of them are reading this) that although their failed attempts at self control over eating are a good start, they really should be getting more exercise, and the pounds will come a crashing down. just a thought.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

My Lovely Guest

hello all! so my lovely sister who has retired from blogging was kind enough to answer my eight questions so i am posting her answers here:

1) do you have a good sense of direction? please explain with hilarious anecdotes.
somehow, dear sister, i know this is related to your psychotic geocaching.
anyway,
i like to think i do. for example, one time my sister took me on a psychotic geocaching adventure and we searched for a long time with a GPS and didn't find anything, so we went home.
oh, wait.
um,
well this other time cj and i could only get a ride part way home so we had to walk for an hour and a half to get the rest of the way. it was from wasaga beach to collingwood. it was a straight line. a highway, in fact. we both kind of fell asleep afterwards.
...yep.
oh,
and my whole time at school i've been able to walk there all by myself. you have to take the main roads, but it's tricky, because you have to remember to turn left once.

2) what are your thoughts on people showing you pictures of their babies?
it's fine in moderation. as in, show me a single picture of the baby when it isn't dressed in something awful like a mini tuxedo and don't make an event of it--do it in passing, like as we walk past the picture on the wall where i may or may not chance a brief glance at it. most likely not. preferably you don't have your child in swaddling cloths overpowering your deco.

3) what was the last movie you watched? is it any good?
dirty dancing. it was ok, and i was watching it with someone i don't really know, so the jokes we made weren't especially funny since we don't know each other's humour. in the end, it was full of dancing in a dirty way and not really wearing pants.

4) what is your favourite place to be?
in my room, because that is the part of the world that is all mine and many things i love belong there. it is warm and pleasant and powerful, but not to anyone but me. it is uniquely my own and no-one else can truly get how my room and i connect. it has a force. i feel at home there. it is full of my deepest emotions.
also on stage, because performing is one of the greatest, most satisfying and incredible feelings in the world. it conjures such joy in me. the feeling when your line gets the laugh, when your song gets the tears, when your show gets the standing ovation--it is beyond explainability. i feel at home there too.
and one more--rehearsal for being on stage eventually. you are with your new and special family, with your inside jokes and crazy antics and fond, fond memories. there is casual clothing and endless giggles and screwing up lines in such a way that you never forget. you have laughs and deep talks and you bicker and hug and you are obnoxious, no matter who you are. that is my third, but not least important, home.

5) what was your favourite food that your mum used to make?
she still makes these things: caesar salad dressing, vegetarian "cheeseburger [no idea why she calls it this]" spaghetti sauce, chocolate chip cookies, greek salad, magic mud and play-dough.

6) if you could change your name to anything, what would it be?
stevie, after stevie nicks, because that is what my mom wanted to name me but my dad said no and i think it would be cool to have a guy name, especially named after an awesome musician.

7) who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark? why?
you have a weird fetish with this question. you are absolutely, irrefutably out to lunch.
although logically i would like to say the two don't even know of each other's existence and therefore would not fight, i know that logic is quite literally out of the question, at least in that respect. however, as much as i like sharks (actually, i like bears too), i'd say a bear would win. bears have experience lashing at fish, which in the real-life case would be smaller and far less vicious, like salmon, but it is experience in both worlds nonetheless. the bear could simply train and reapply this technique on a larger scale. the bear, being smaller, could manipulate his movements more quickly and precisely. while sharks have teeth on their side, their mouths are awkward and i don't imagine they would be able to bite the bear very effectively, and their 'bumping' technique with the snout may deter a bear temporarily, one can only bump for so long before the bear claws out an eye and mutilates tongue and gums. in addition, there is no equal ground i can think of for these two to fight, except perhaps in free fall, as this would confuse the bear and the shark couldn't breathe. the battledome has a large influence on the outcome.

8) what is the most annoying thing that happened to you this week?
i had to get up extremely early today and sit on a bus for three hours and the two sitting behind me droned on and on and on and on and on about the most mind-numbing topics known to the universe the entire time and there was nothing i could do but be exhausted and listen, as i am typically unable to sleep in vehicles and i am very in tune with details, like other people's conversations, no matter how bland and annoying.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

For Lack of Anything Better

hello comrades! i have been tagged in a meme (ironically, i find that overusage of the word meme to sound like you went to university has become a meme in and of itself over the last year and a half. bizarre). although i dont usually do these things, i was happy to be tagged by catherine at 20sb, so i thought i would be kind enough. here is the deal: i have to answer 8 questions and then tag 8 people to answers 8 questions of my own. im not sure i can provide 8 people, i think i shall include myself as one of them, but i will do my best. so here goes:

1) cats or dogs? if you had to pick one, which would it be and why?
this is a toughie. although i have three idiotic cats and i love them very much, i think i am actualyl a secret dog person. i want a dog so, so badly. i like how dogs are more like your best friend. my cats just think of me as a meal ticket and occasional provider of body heat. also i love walking dogs and i would love so much for that to be part of my daily life.

2) what is the best dinosaur ever? why?
i like the triceratops because i believe they had the smallest brains. i imagine this would probably put them approximately on par with my cats, so i would get along well with them. also barney was cool in the first season but now hes a creeper.

3) what is the best dessert ever?
hmmm.... i enjoy trifle. and also ice cream. i also enjoying having more dinner instead of dessert. does that count?

4) if you could build a bridge to the moon, what material would you use?
to answer the question somewhat practically, i would use spider's silk, because it is the most strong and tensile material known to mankind. to answer it less practically, i guess i would make each metre of it out of a different food that i love. im sure i would run out of ideas before i left the atmosphere and then i would have all of my delicious foods to eat all in one place.

5) beef or chicken?
um neither? im a vegetarian, so i will say cows are cuter than chickens.

6) if you could have ONE super power, what would it be?
this is kind of a sensitive issue for me. all my life i always said unequivocally that it would be reading minds, but as time goes on i am getting more and more attracted to having powers over the oceans and water and being able to breathe underwater and stuff like that. so i think i will go with that one for the first time ever.

7) what is one of your most guilty pleasures?
watching crappy, crappy reality tv. i love it all and i cant even explain why. the trashier, the better.

8) pie or cake?
ooooh tough call. im not a huge pastry person, but i guess i would have to say pie.

alright so those were catherine's questions. i am going to tag the following people
1) myself
2) daniel wheaton
3) my sister, who since she retired as a blogger can send me her answers and i will post them here
4) catherine
5) andy hmm
6) elizapaa

....and thats the best i can do. i dont know if they will all get back to me but you know. so here are my questions:
1) do you have a good sense of direction? please explain with hilarious anecdotes.

2) what are your thoughts on people showing you pictures of their babies?

3) what was the last movie you watched? is it any good?

4) what is your favourite place to be?

5) what was your favourite food that your mum used to make?

6) if you could change your name to anything, what would it be?

7) who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark? why?

8) what is the most annoying thing that happened to you this week?

Friday, October 22, 2010

Go, Go Gadget Democracy!

well comrades. now that the initial polling is all done, the mayoral candidates have been narrowed down to three front runners, which makes my whole issue of figuring out who to vote for a little bit easier. i was able to eliminate one candidate immediately: he was the mayor when i was in university, and i didnt like him for a variety of reasons. so we are down to two, and i have to admit i am torn. i like both of their ideas.
the current mayor has the following things going for him that i like 1) he has a very green agenda 2) he is committed to improving transit and has followed through on that committment 3) he seems to be pro cyclist.
the other guy, on the other hand, is also committed to transit (so he says) and is the only candidate as far as i can tell who has made any mention of even addressing accessibility issues in hamilton. so im not sure. he seems very by the book and no nonsense, but isnt that what you need in a leader? i am very torn. obviously, the current mayor has had four years to prove to us that he is trying to follow through on his campaign promises, and i think for the most part, he is doing a pretty decent job. the accessibility issues are a big one for me, though. i think i shall have to consult with barb. i know she is planning on voting for the current mayor again, but who knows? these are tough decisions. i shall let you know how it all turns out. knowing my luck i will forget to go vote anyway. hahaha. just kidding. ive never done that.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Age of Horrible Pandemics

hello everyone! halloween is fast approaching, and although i am not generally a celebrant of halloween, i did have to sit and listen to one of my clients read franklin's halloween on monday night and it got me thinking. it is amazing how many things are going the way of the dodo nowadays simply because of the culture shift we have experienced over the last few years as a result of various widespread illnesses, the most recent being the swine flu "epidemic," which was close on the heels of the influenza a "pandemic." (i use quotations here because i am very much of the opinion that both -demics were huge media hypes used by ultra conservative right wing bible belt media barons to scare us into believing that the end of the world is upon us -not to mention the cashola that big pharmaceutical makes off of such things- but that is another blog post that im sure someone else wrote somewhere and probably did a much better job of than i would here). anyway, here are the things which have either disappeared altogether, are becoming less common, or are on their ways out:
1) bobbing for apples. after listening to franklin's halloween i was on the verge of going home and bobbing for apples by myself, i was so sad to realise i will never get to do this at a party again. bobbing has been replaced by trying to catch apples or donuts hanging from strings in the ceiling, not as fun, not as hard, not as wet. pros: at halloween parties noone's make up gets wrecked.
2) shaking hands. this is in the "on its way out" category, i think. it is still somewhat unprofessional or impolite not to shake hands in many contexts, but we all know that everyone runs to the bathroom at the first possible opportunity to get all those hand germs gone. eventually we are all going to just agree to stop doing it because it grosses us all out so much. is being replaced by friendly nodding, smiling, and sort of saluting. im telling you, the japanese were way ahead of everyone else on this one with the bowing.
3) sharing almost anything. at least our capitalistic society has made this one pretty easy to get used to.
4) unsafe sex (obviously).
5) hugging anyone other than family (and even then, im sure many of us were just looking for a way out of that one)
...you catch my drift. im sure there are many others, but its interesting how much a little fear can shape a whole entire society. however did we make it this far in the first place?????

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Sticks and Stones

you know, i have a beef. i really do. and it is with people who use the word "retarded" as a meaningless way of saying silly or stupid or whateverthefuck they mean when they say it. it isnt acceptable to use the words "faggy" or "gay" in a derogatory way anymore, and it shouldnt be acceptable to use retarded either. although retarded is a medically recognized term for people with intellectual disablities, it is derogatory to use it to describe anything else. it is completely disrespectful of the special needs community and shows a complete lack of compassion not to mention vocabulary on part of the person using it that way. it drives me crazy and it isnt funny and i cant believe the way that some people will actually defend themselves for using it that way because they are just "joking around." if someone you loved had one single, obvious defining characteristic that was more pronounced than any of their other traits, and everyone used that adjective to mean stupid, or silly, or inferior in some way, you would be sick of it too. lucky for most of you, that isnt, and wont ever be the case.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Paydirt!

good news comrades! i was up in the meadowlands with anne on tuesday (the meadowlands is this suburb of hamilton that takes forever to get to by bus, which is why i like taking anne there, because it kills a whole day for us) and i decided to drop into michaels (the craft store) to see if they had any buttons i could use on this baby sweater i made. sadly, they didnt seem to have any that were reasonably priced, and the selection was terrible, BUT i found the motherlode of affordable wool for my knitting projects. ok maybe not the motherlode... that would be the textiles warehouse i went to years ago and still cant seem to relocate, but it is good to have other options than just zellers for when zellers doesnt have what im looking for.
on a related note, the reason we were in the meadowlands in the first place was because i was going to home depot to get dowels to finish these clutch bags i was working on. i found the dowels i wanted and was pleased as punch to be able to cut them right there at the self serve cutting station. anyway, i must have been drinking crazy juice or something, because after i cut three sections off the dowel, i decided to leave the rest behind. this was doubly stupid, because first of all, i had to pay for the whole piece, including the part i left behind, and second of all i needed FOUR sections to finish my clutches, not THREE, so i dont know what the hell i was smoking. anyway, the clutches are still incomplete, but anne and i had a really nice time up there, so that was good.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Democracy At Work

so the municipal elections are coming up, and since i am always going on about democracy and how we all need to vote, i feel i need to not be hypocritical and vote this time around too. ive never voted in the municipal elections, only the provincial and federal ones, and now that im trying to be an active participant in this whole process, im beginning to see why ive never bothered before.
i am trying to find a simple list of all the candidates' websites, particularly the mayoral candidates so i can make an informed decision and all that jazz, and apparently that doesnt exist. there are so many candidates and i have to vote for three and i just want to find a concise directory of websites! even a list of their names! why is this so difficult in this day and age? and then they wonder why voter turnout is so low. people dont want to go looking for this kind of information, they just want it to appear at their doorstep.
thats why people like the provincial and federal elections. even though you arent SUPPOSED to vote for a party, most people do because its easier. which party do i like? blue, red, orange green or independent? its basically picking a colour. which weve all been doing since kindergarten. anyway, im hoping to get some information into my brains before the day is over, but im not holding my breath.

Brief Flirtation With Arbitrary Observations

hello comrades! anne and i are here at the library this fine tuesday and it is rainy and cold and nasty out. i hope the weather is better wherever you are, but we are making the best of it. we are actually using the computer beside the guy who is here every. single. day. all. day. long. he uses the computers all day to read novels (i think thats what hes reading) which i find bizarre, since this is a library after all, and he can take out any book he wants and go anywhere with it! but therein lies the mystery. he is just one person on a long list of people that i am fascinated by and would love to get into their brains and write a fabulous book about them. perhaps one day.
in other library news, i just got busted checking out some guy's sweater and i had to explain that i knit and looked like a total freak on wheels. now this guy is probably wants to get in my head and write a book about me.

Friday, October 01, 2010

I May Be Jerry Seinfeld

hello comrades! i hope you are all hopelessly happy this fine friday. myself, i am average, which is what this post is all about. for those of you who may not remember, or for you weirdos who didnt watch or like seinfeld, there is an episode of seinfeld called "the opposite" where george decides that the reason his life is in the crapper is because he has terrible instincts, so he should just always do the opposite of what he would normally do. this ends up being an amazing strategy, because by the end of the episode, he has a date with a beautiful woman and a job at the new york yankees. on the flip side, as george's life seems to take an amazing and unprecedented upswing, elaine's life, generally viewed as successful in terms men and career, takes a nose dive. in the mean time, jerry hypothesizes that he is the total middle ground between the two of them. no matter what happens, he always comes out even. why i am telling you all of this, is i think that this week, anyway, i may be turning into jerry.
i have had such a strange week. i seem to have had an equal number of pleasant and unpleasant experiences, which feels like i have struck some nebulous karmic balance upon whose scales i am dancing with trepidation. the end result of this is that i dont really feel particularly good or bad about anything at the moment, which is an odd sensation for me, because i usually have strong feelings about SOMETHING or at the very least, a general impression of my day and week. so heres the bullet points of what im talking about:
-> monday i found five dollars in my wallet that i thought i lost (good)
-> tuesday was piss-pouring rain and i had to go all the way to stoney creek (a one hour bike ride) and i had to be there by 930 am. (bad) the ticket wicket at the bus station doesnt open until nine, so i went to the convenience store in the station and asked if the guy could break a five for me (the five i found on monday) he said that he would charge me three dollars to change a five at which point i swore and stomped off (bad).
->as i was rooting for my five to take my bike to another convenience store that would sell me bus tickets, a complete stranger who had overheard my maddening conversation with the convenience store guy just gave me a bus ticket.
-> as i was fishing around for the five to pay her for the ticket, she refused and walked away, which was actually good because i lost the five (bad).
-> wednesday, anne and i had to wait for FOUR buses before one had room for us, and then to top it off, the bus we did get on had an ex client of mine and her mother on it who i cant stand for a single second, which is why i quit the contract (bad)
-> but the fourth bus that did let us on stopped between stops because i flagged her down, which she isnt obligated to do (good)
-> barb was supposed to come over on wednesday for a beer but she cancelled (bad)
-> i went over to her place last night instead, which was fun, except she is stressed about a lot of things, which is why i went in the first place (good and bad).
-> finally, today, i seem to have misplaced a pack of cigarettes (bad), im hoping i left it at barbs, but then when i got out of the shower this morning, i discovered the mail had arrived and in it was a cheque for a hundred dollars from the provincial government (good). this was doubly impressive because i dont usually get any tax returns at all because my federal student loan has a lien on my taxes. i guess this one fell through the cracks. or maybe its because its a provincial tax credit. i dont know.
anyway, so there it is folks. my breaking even week. not sure what to make of it, but im hoping this trend keeps up through the weekend, because i have some obligations that im not looking forward to. peace out.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Excuses

alright, after telling myself all day that i wasnt going to sit here on my clients computer after work and i was, absolutely, going to go the y, here i am, sitting in front of the computer and now it is too late to go to the y. *sigh* i am so frustrated. i really havent been keeping up as strictly with my swimming the last couple of weeks. this is mostly due to the fact that i have been covering extra shifts at my clients in stoney creek, and i find it is just too much for me to bike to his house and work out in the same day. anyway, i decided i should post something so i wont feel i have completely wasted my time sitting here, which is pretty much what i did, but you know. at least i charged my mp3 player. small victories. and all that. anyway, despite what i just said about finding it to be too much, i think i will go to the y and do some weights tomorrow when i am between clients, because i really have to stop missing the y. i am really looking forward to getting back into some semblance of my regular school year routine soon though. i do not enjoy having work encroach on my time at the pool, if that isnt already obvious.
in other news, my attempt at sexifying sweaters by posting pictures of my pantsless sister wearing my work seems to be backfiring. everyone just keeps commenting on how nice her ass is (one person thought it was MY ass, and i felt like an idiot explaining that it was not. it was nice to think that someone found me desirable for a fleeting second, though) and not really noticing the sweater. i shall have to work on my marketing techniques.
speaking of being desirable (or not) i think, to a certain extent, that ones attractiveness has the potential to change depending on your partner. what i mean by that is i think that if one partner is more physically attractive than the other, it makes them look even more attractive (and the other less) by comparison. or maybe its the other way around??? either way, it just goes to show how such impressions are really all a matter of relative subjectivity and not physical fact. i can imagine someone exploiting this theory to get ahead in the dating world. go out with someone less attractive and hit a singles bar and suddenly look like a catch. or something like that. anyway, i REALLY should get home, i am totally overstaying my welcome here.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Sore Thumbs

hello comrades! i hope you are all well. i am sorry that i havent been posting frequently. my schedule has been all over the place the last few weeks. sadly though, i havent really had any adventures during this topsy turvy time and so i have very little to blog about anyway. that being said, i have rather sore thumbs from all of the compulsive knitting i have been doing, and i finally (finally!) uploaded some photos of what ive been working on. there are still a few pieces that i dont have pictures of, but they are on the way, but here is a taste. (sadly, only a few hours after i uploaded these images at a client's house, i managed to wipe my entire camera, so all of my super blogging that i have been promising is not going to happen for a while, until i replace said lost images, but lets not dwell on that. instead, lets dwell on my fabulous knitting).

not a great picture of a tam that matches a sweater that i dont have a photo of yet

toque for breanne (i will get a better picture of this one. i was in a hurry).
red tam

cotton cardigan with medallion


asymmetrical v neck

small checkerboard afghan


cotton shrug


glamourous grey

Monday, September 13, 2010

Share The Road

hello comrades. i am sorry for the lameness of my last post. or is it called lameosity? i just wanted you to know i was still alive (if that wasnt already obvious, callie). never fear though, comrades, i am STILL alive today, and i actually have something to write about. huzzah!
as a cyclist, i spend much of my time fighting for my life against the perils of people who have no business being behind the wheel of any sort of vehicle. often, i doubt they even belong behind the handle bars of a tricycle or a shopping cart, much less anything with a combustion engine. i dont know what it is about southern ontario, but i really am beginning to think that there are more bad drivers than good ones, and i would like to make the following comments:
-> after doing an unofficial, unscientific observation experiment in my mind over the course of many months, i have decided that the worst drivers are people who drive nissans. the sweeping majority of nissan owners dont follow the rules of the road and consistently try to kill this fine cyclist. interestingly, i found that people who drive chevrolets and toyotas to be the best drivers, BUT when a chevy or toyota driver is bad, they are far worse than even the worst nissan pilot. so there you go. i would be interested in looking up police statistics of accidents in relation to make and model of car. maybe i will do that, that stuff has got to be on the public record.
-> CYCLISTS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE ON THE ROAD! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN TRAFFIC! GET OVER IT! that being said, for some reason, drivers dont get it that those of us who are good and experienced cyclists ride our bikes the same way people drive their cars. we know all the rules and all the laws and we obey them. we act exactly like cars. i do not understand why drivers seem to be completely incapable of predicting cyclist behaviour. its like they expect us to leap onto their hoods at any second. we know exactly what the cars are doing, what is the matter with them? also, i would like to state for the bazillionth time that A CYCLIST DOES NOT HAVE TO DISMOUNT HIS OR HER BIKE IN ORDER TO COME TO A FULL STOP! it is SO annoying when cars wont take their turn at a stop sign until they see you dismount. its like, DUDE, i am trying to NOT do this and you are MAKING ME.
-> i think that cyclists who are going to ride in traffic (ie. adults, not children) should have to have a cycling license. i would be more than happy to get one. then we would HAVE to be respected by the vehicles, the government would be collected some much needed taxes from us, and we would have plates on our bikes which would reduce theft. its a win-win-win situation. the only people, as far as i can tell, who would have a problem with this are motorists, because they are idiots, and im fine with that. i really am.
-> finally, i have decided that the reason there are so many bad drivers is either because people get the bad habits over time (likely) or they are exchanging sexual favours with licensing examiners for passing licensing tests (very likely). either way, the madness must end. i propose that drivers have to do the practical driving test every. single. year. it doesnt make any sense that they do it once when theyre seventeen and then never get tested again until they turn eighty. almost all bad habits are a result of sloppiness that builds up over time. people would be rioting in the streets if we didnt have our doctors doing relicensing every once in a while... why should driving be any different? i remember someone (maybe a chef?) once telling me that you are most at risk of having an accident as soon as you feel confident using a tool. its the exact same with driving. once you get confident, you get sloppy, lazy and cocky.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Woot

hello comrades! long time no see. i am sorry for my prolonged hiatus from blogging. it was not intentional. i have just had a hectic couple of weeks, and as usual, blogging was the first thing to get the axe. anyway, i dont really have much to say, either. not much has happened lately, but i am glad to be getting back into the school year with its more regular schedule and cool weather. not that im going back to school, but my work schedule is more regular because of the chilluns going back to school. anyway, now im visiting my uncle mudd and i gave my aunt the sweater i made her and she loved it and i made a chocolate cheesecake and now we are going to go on a geocaching adventure. so im excited, and i will let you know how my first geocaching adventure turns out.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

I Think I May Have Found a New Hobby

hello comrades! i was just perusing the blogs that i follow, and i think i may have found a new hobby. andy, of andy hmm, was talking about geocaching on his blog and after a little investigating, i think i have found a new hobby.
basically, geocaching is where you use a gps to find little treasures that people have hidden around the globe. i dont actually have a gps at the moment, but i have friends who do, and there are a couple in my neighbourhood that i wont really need a gps for, so that will get me started. anyway, the way it works is you plug the coordinates of the cache into your gps and then go looking for it. sounds simple, but it could be anywhere from a five minute walk to a full blown hike to find one. its pretty cool if you ask me, and i will be sure to let you know when i find the one around the corner from my place. i wont be able to go looking for it tonite, because it will be after dark by the time i get off work, but i will go look tomorrow, or possibly monday. i. am. excited.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Isn't it a Pity

greetings, comrades. i hope all is well with you. me, ive been better. having a bit of a bout with anxiety the last couple of weeks; i am starting to feel better, and i am looking forward to my workout this evening, which as always is the cure for what ails me.
anyway, that isnt really what i wanted to write about. in fact, i have some sad news. well, its sad to me, i dont know if any of YOU guys will care, but as ive said before, this is my blog and i can say what i want. (sidebar: i just totally got distracted by the fact that you really do use the fingers on your left hand more than the fingers on your right when youre typing. im sure you all know the tale of how they purposely made the QWERTY keyboard backwards to a right handed person because people were typing so fast that it jammed up the typewriters. anyway, every once in a while i am cognizant of this fact. moving on.)
so the sad news is, my lovely sister has decided to quit blogging. im not sure why, and i guess i understand, but i am rather saddened by this unexpected turn of events. i guess i kind of felt like blogging is something we do together. now it isnt. also, it is nice to read her blog when she is writing about her comings and goings and other various observations and meandering. its like spending time with her. sort of. anyway, i wish her the best, and i hope she knows that she is welcome to do guest posting on THIS blog any time she likes..... so that is that. i would like to leave you with the following quote from a white stripes song. jack always knows best.
"and i love my sister, lord knows how ive missed her.
i love her and i know she wont forget.
sometimes i get jealous of all her little pets,
and i get lonely, but i aint that lonely yet."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

All the Single Ladies

you know comrades, life is funny. i know im not the first person to make this observation, but it really does make me laugh sometimes. of course, there are many ways that this funniness manifests itself, but the example i am thinking of right now involves my personal life.
before i met dave, i hadnt been on a date in over two years. i was ok with this state of affairs. i have never had a problem being single, and i dont get bored or lonely in my own company. in fact, sometimes i prefer my own company. when you spend all day, every day working with people who are depending on you for their care and who can be very demanding at times, it is nice to get home and relax alone for a while. anyway, that being said, i have to admit that i did not really get hit on at all back then. im not sure why, but i didnt really. in fact, i would go so far as to say that men didnt even really notice me. i will attribute this as much to the fact that i dress very unattractively at work as to the fact that i work with marginalised people who seem to be invisible to the world at large. anyway, so it was.
now, it is more than two years later and i have to tell you, i have been hit on more in the last two years than i ever was in any of the years before i met dave. on one hand, i find this hilarious if not bizarre, but on the other it makes me feel sort of awkward. for example, im sitting here at the library right now with anne, and some guy sitting across from us just passed me a note to put in my purse which had his phone number on it and a pick up line. like, what? im flattered, but now i just feel like an idiot. i KNEW it was going to have his number on it when he gave it to me. i should have just put it in my purse without looking at it. i imagine it took a lot of balls for him to just hand that to me, but what am i supposed to say? should i just write him a note back? kidding. kidding. im just going to get up and take anne to the toilet and forget about it. but still. hilarious, but kind of embarrassing.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

J'Arrive

well comrades, i had a cool experience today, which i have been reflecting on and i thought i might share it with you. today, i had the great fortune of being able to make it to the actual masters swim workout at the y. usually, i have to do the masters swims by myself because i cant make it, but today i did, and there is nothing like having the coach and the teammates and the beautiful boys to round out the swimming experience. anyway, in about the last five minutes of our practice, the little chilluns showed up for their day camp swim which follows masters. they were all sitting by the deck watching us do our sweet thang, and one little girl crept up closer and my lanemate was playfully splashing her ankles, so i splashed him, and it was just one of those nice little moments that we are all lucky enough to have once in a while if we are observant enough to notice them.
the reason is was so cool for me though, is because i remember when i was a kid and my swimming lessons were right after the masters swim. we would be like the little kids i saw today, sitting on the deck, watching the masters being masterful. i yearned so badly to become one of them someday. i wouldnt say it was a goal, so much, because i never really made an effort to become one, but more like an affinity, i suppose. like i knew i was one of them already, i just needed to get older and more practiced at what i was doing. and today, i realised that i have arrived. through no effort or design, i have actually come to inhabit one of the most genuine and steadfast desires of my heart.
too often, i get a little disheartened because i havent achieved many of the things i hoped i would at this point in my life. but i realised today that although we are often victims of the best laid plans of mice and men, sometimes we also get to be champions of unmitigated circumstances. its in these times, i think, that we are happiest, because we are truly being ourselves. there is real sincerity in that. i didnt try to become a masters swimmer, i just am one. it almost sneaked up on me.
the thing that really made this experience so beautiful was the little girl who approached us. i thought to myself, there goes the one like me. the one who wants to be one of us, who hasnt yet realised that she already is.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I Am Semi-Famous

ok, maybe not, but i am feeling that way. today, one miss jennifer edwards, who runs a fitness blog, published an article i wrote for her about vegetarianism and endurance sports. i was very excited to write it, and i am happy and honoured to see my work up on someone else's blog. if you get a chance you can read my article here. i want to thank jennifer for giving me the opportunity to write for her blog, and who knows. maybe some of her followers will take a gander at good ole science, tea and cats. also, i should probably get my swimlog updated. i havent done that in a while. this has just been such a messed up month, workout wise. but this week is going well so far. hhahahaha, its only tuesday, but still.

Friday, August 13, 2010

This is Why Everyone Should Knit

hello comrades! long time no see. i have had a very hectic week, and thus have not had the occasion or opportunity to blog. but have no fear, i am here now! and i am excited to write about something i actually had the foresight to jot down notes about last friday so i wouldnt forget. ready?
last friday, on my way to daves, i was in a rather cynical and antisocial mood. i get this way from time to time. i try to snap out of it, usually, but when you work with marginalised people who are treated like dirt by the rest of society it isnt always easy. so i had my knitting under my arm, and i realised that there are a few unforseen advantages to being a knitter, which i shall share with you here.
1) if you carry your knitting under your arm while travelling on foot, as i often do between different forms of public transportation, you are always armed. im sure that some people would argue that carrying around knitting also makes you a more likely target for mugging, and that may very well be the case. however, those would-be assailants will think twice next time they try to attack a knitter, because quick as a flash, i could have a 16 inch knitting needle crammed in their eye socket, and another tucked swiftly under the ribs. the soothing comfort of knitting seems to be the gift that keeps on giving, if you ask me.
2) if you spend any sizable amount of time on public transportation, as i do, knitting is a great way to pass the time without getting carsick, and you can listen to music at the same time. i know some people can read and listen to music, but i dont like to. that being said, there is a bonus to knitting on the bus or subway. NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO A KNITTER. the needles flailing about in the hands of even the most experienced and subtle knitter are seen as a nuisance by other travellers, and they will avoid you at all costs. now, before you start to worry that i am an antisocial lunatic, i want you to look deep inside your conscience and try to tell me honestly that you "dont really mind" when people sit next to you on the bus. thats what i thought. you mind. we all mind. get over it.
3) finally, if you ever get lost in the woods, your knitting could be all that stands between you and certain death. whether the garment you are making gets used as a blanket, the needles get used as tools, or the wool gets used as string, having a knitting project on the go could save your life.

so there it is, comrades, the unexpected perks of knitting. until next time, keep your stick on the ice.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

I Live in a Menagerie

so yesterday i was so distracted telling you about justin biebers bid for a pulitzer prize that i forgot to tell you about my hilarious and hectic morning. actually, i didnt really find it hilarious, but i think you guys will, because you all seem to enjoy the mishaps and horrible suffering inflicted on me by my idiot animals.
before i begin, i should give you some background information. recently, dave bought me an aloe plant, because i have always wanted one. i have kind of a bad history with caring for plants, but im hoping to rectify that this time around. i think things are working in my favour this time, because a) i named the plant marvin, b) dave bought it for me... i am trying to remind myself that it is symbolic of our love, even though i dont generally go in for that kind of sappy pap, c) aloe plants are relatively low maintenance, and it is actually in their best interests to let the soil dry out completely between watering, to simulate their natural arid habitat. in addition to the welcoming of marvin to our home, i am also babysitting one of my clients' pets; a rabbit named maple. i am not really too keen on this situation, but they gave me two free cartons of cigarettes in exchange for the favour, and they were just going to give it away and then get my client a new pet when they get back from their vacation, which i think is despicable pet ownership, not to mention teaching their child really poor life skills. so there it is. rabbit babysitting.
i only received the rabbit this past wednesday night, and i was understandably nervous about my cats killing it or it starving to death on my watch or something and then having to explain to my ten year old disabled client that i killed his stupid bunny. the first two nights went smoothly, however. when maple first hit the scene, carmela tried hunting it, but failed, obviously. neo hissed at it a bit, and puppy went through her usual routine of "i dont mind that youre here, but this is MY house, bitch, and dont you forget it" like she always does with new animals. then the three of them surrounded me for the rest of the night. i want to say its because they love me so much and they dont want to share, but its really because they are territorial. they would have done the same thing with their litter boxes, if they thought the rabbit might have been interested.
SO this past weekend was "the civic holiday in august;" a completely invented, pointless long weekend. (not that im complaining. im just pointing out that there is no historical significance to the holiday, which is why its called "the civic holiday in august"). and i was nervous about leaving the cats with the rabbit for so many days alone. i was also nervous about how much food and water to leave down for it. in addition to this stress, i ran out of the cats normal, healthy food, and was totally broke, so i had to break down and give them junk food for the weekend. because they are piggish losers, they eat junk food like its laced with crack because its tasty and fattening. like cat food mcdonalds or something, so i knew i would be coming home to piles of puke.
so just to recap: marvin the aloe plant; maple the bunny; and three hungry, stupid longhaired cats. is it any wonder i was anxious about coming home on tuesday?
as i expected, my arrival home was hectic. there was some puke, but not as much as anticipated. maple had knocked over the extra dish of water i had left for her, and thus scared herself away from the food bowl sitting beside it, and so she hadnt eaten much of anything all weekend. i guess this is why we dont put dishes of water down for rodents, theyre too damn stupid not to knock it over. so, i cleaned up the puke, then i fed the cats. as i expected, they completely cleaned out their bowls, not because i didnt leave them enough food for the long weekend, but because they are disgusting pigs who eat that junk food like candy. then i changed the bunny cage and got that shit all cleaned up. i changed the litter boxes, and then i gave the cats their weekly dose of hairball laxative, and i took marvin into the bathroom for his shower. i got the whole entire list of chores done start to finish in under twenty minutes. i was feeling pretty smug.
i thought all was going well. too well, in fact. i sat down finally to have a cup of tea and a cigarette, wondering what i could have possibly missed. then i felt it, the dreaded wet spot on my bean bag chair. of course, of course. carmela, my stray-turned neurotic housepet has always been a stress pisser. it isnt her fault, she was very traumatised as a baby. that being said, it has been a wonderfully long time since i had to deal with this unfortunate habit of hers, because our home life has been very stable and she has actually been more well adjusted than ever lately. the strain of everything was just too much for her, i think. between having a new animal in the house, the food dishes being empty, and me being gone one extra day, i think she was totally freaking out. i felt so bad for her. as soon as i found the piss, sorry, i mean as soon as i SAT in it, she went hiding under my bed because she thought she was in trouble. i couldnt deal with that situation right away, obviously, because i had to get my bean bag chair and myself cleaned up first. the tough thing about having a cat who is a pisser is they can smell the scent of it even if you wash it, which will cause them to piss on it again. i struggled with this for ages with carmela and had to store my bean bags in the bathroom for months when i wasnt at home. i use an enzymatic cleaner, which helps, but i currently have the offending chair out on the balcony in the sun. i am convinced that the sunlight helps break down the invisible smells.
so when all was said and done, i caved and gave the cats some cat nip because i wanted carmela to know i wasnt mad at her. then finally, at last, at last, i sat down and had my tea and my cigarette, and that was how i started my day.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Baby, Baby, Baby, OH!

bahahahahahahahah, thus spoke justin bieber, in lieu of writing real lyrics. why am i writing about the biebs? have i come down with an age-inappropriate case of bieber fever? i can only wish. no, comrades, i just read a blurb in the paper that was too hilarious not to share. apparently, the young mr bieber is slated to publish his MEMOIRS this october. you did not just have a petit seizure, dear readers. i said memoirs. from a sixteen year old internet sensation who spent 14 of those years in STRATFORD. of all places. WOW. im sure his insight and wisdom are exceeded only by his charm. my goodness.
anyway, laughing aside, this news got me thinking about ghostwriting. (what? you mean to say you think he wrote this tome himself? possible, i suppose, but its also possible that im going to win a bazillion dollars in the lottery and then i will be able to be a rally car racer and have a side thing with michael phelps). here is the thing about ghostwriting: it seems unethical to allow someone else to take credit for your work as a writer, but if it is totally OBVIOUS that the book was written by a ghostwriter, does it still matter? and most of these ghostwritten books are pointless piles of crap about celebrities who already have millions of dollars. is it so terrible if a writer or two get a slice of the pie in exchange for a biography here and there? its kind of whoreish, perhaps, but so are most things, really. and the money that a writer makes off of ghostwriting would enable him or her to work on their own book.
i shall have to think about this some more. it does seem slightly unprincipled, but maybe the ends justify the means. im not sure. i would muse about it more here, but i am almost out of computer time for the day, so we shall continue this discussion soon, dear comrades. in the meantime, i hope you are well.

Friday, July 30, 2010

If I Could Just Hear Your Pretty Voice, I Don't Think I'd Need to See You at All

thus spoke my beloved jack white, on the album white blood cells; not the first white stripes album, but the one that skyrocketed them to international fame and fourtune, when the world fell in love with jack's puritannical devotion to traditional recording methods and meg's ability to keep the beat, rock steady. (ok, the WHOLE world didnt fall in love with them, but those of us who did are unflinching in our fanaticism). why am i bringing this up? well, comrades, this morning i was, as always, so sad to awake from the most wonderful dream about JACK.
this has happened to me before, when ive had adorable dreams about jack white and i being adorable teenagers who are having an adorable love affair. surprisingly, there are never any sexy results in these dreams, i imagine because i have him on a pedestal a mile high or something like that. anyway, this was one of those times. i was having a dinner party or something (and my imaginary apartment was way cool) and i had invited him but i wasnt sure he was going to come, and he DID! and it was awesome! and then he had to leave and said he might be coming back, but i knew he wouldnt. *sigh*. there was also a strange interlude in this dream where a man had toys stuck in his crazily long and afro-ish pubic hair, and i had to help him get them untangled. this sounds vaguely sexy, but it wasnt.
after the jack white dream, i had another marvelous dream where i was living out my real life dream of having an alpaca farm. dave and i had just acquired it, and we only had two animals. they were actually much bigger than alpacas in the dream and one of them was sort of an auburn orangey colour and the other was bluish with bright yellow patches. the blue one was feisty, and i was chasing it around the farm in the rain. when i finally got it back in the barn, dave and i had to go on a little trek through the woods to where my family was standing in this field. i think some of annes family were there too, mostly the young children that are always about. anyway, so we met up with everyone and there were hundreds and hundreds of flags all over the place, hanging suspended in the air from cords and things, from all different countries, and we all took a flag each and got in a circle and did this sort of tribal flag dance, and i was really curious to see where it was going, but then my mum called and the phone woke me up. tragic.
anyway, it was two super pleasant dreams in a row, which was exciting for me, as i have pretty severe night terrors most of the time. and so now i am in a good mood and it was an excellent way to start the day, if i do say so myself.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Callie's Fake Visit

so, my lovely sister, callie, is gone and her fake visit is over. why was it a fake visit, you ask? it wasnt, really, but callie kept accusing things around hamilton of having a fake appearance, like they were from the set of a movie. a city designed to look like a city. or something like that. i tried to convince her that she wasnt really visiting me at all, she was in a coma, but i dont think she believed me.
anyway, it was a pleasure to have her, and to pay homage to her visit, i am going to list my most memorable quotes and moments of the week (at least, the ones i could remember, i am sure there are some that i am forgetting, but such is life).
-> "only you could turn a sex joke into a math joke" - callie
-> "you are the only person i know who i could say 'that soil looks full of nutrients' to, and you just say, 'yes, it does'" -callie
-> callie puts on her bicycle helmet and heads for the door, saying, "ok, lets go," to which i respond, "arent you going to bring your bike?"
-> callie: "ive never had sugar pie" me: "it is exactly what it is"
-> callie and i went "shopping for a wallet," which consisted of us trying on shoes for an hour and then not buying anything.
so there you have it, the little things that make a visit. i am looking forward to the next one.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Four Strong Winds

hello and happy wednesday, comrades. this morning, i had to be out the door early for work, and while i was having my tea and cigarette, the august wind blew in, reminding me that i have to get a rent cheque before the week is over. despite that unfortunate fact, it always makes me happy when the august wind blows in (although, i have to admit, it didnt last very long, by noon it was scorching and then we had a thunderstorm, and now its even more scorching and humid and gross, and im sure its going to storm again before the day is out. knowing my fabulous luck, it will start just when im mounting my bike to go home. *sigh*). anyway, i like it when that cooler north wind picks up (except for the part where it ruins my life as a cyclist, but that is another story), reminding me that fall, the greatest season, is well on its way. there is so much to love about fall, in my opinion.
i love the way it smells and the way it tastes, and the way its never uncomfortable, temperature-wise. i love how my bedroom gets icy cold if i leave the windows cracked and i love wearing sweaters and hoodies and other unflattering apparel. i love leaving the pool in the morning and the air has some bite to it and my wet hair sends a shiver down my spine. i love waking up to my cats sprawled all over me to get warm. i love trevors birthday and my birthday and thanksgiving mashed potatoes. i love drinking tea to get warm instead of to cool down and its amazing how every year, when the august wind blows in for the first time, it gives me the same feeling of hope and happiness to know that my favourite time of year is just a breath away.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Girls Wearing Glasses

greetings, comrades! it has certainly been a few too many days since i posted, and i apologise. in my own defense, i have the lovely callie here for a visit, and so my days have been filled with far more meandering about the city than usual and so the library visits were the first thing to get the axe. today, however, i decided we should spend a little time in front of the computers, so here we are. this actually ended up being a great decision because i took callie and my darling anne to see the aviary, which i forgot to do last march when callie was here. i am generally opposed to visiting animals in captivity, but the aviary is an exception, because i think that those animals have all been rescued. they are also extremely well cared for. there are lovely gardens there as well and callie took excellent pictures. i didnt really understand why callie likes our dads camera better than hers (which is now mine) but now that i have them both at my disposal, i totally get it. hers/mine is a piece of crap next to our dads/hers, but mine is mostly for taking pictures for anne rather than nice fancy pictures, so in that respect it gets the job done.
other highlights of callies visit have been visiting with barb last nite, going to challenger baseball on monday and introducing her to some of the kids that i am really fond of, finishing my sweaters and having callies obnoxiously perfect body to model them for my photographs, going to the y (ok not really that exciting, but i have been having a rough month in that department), buying cat hairball laxative, and making shepherds pie. im sure the ultimate highlight will be on saturday when we go to the art gallery with dave and then home to collingwood, and will be sure to update you when it happens.
as for today, other than the aviary, i am going to take callie to my most favourite pizza place in the world, basilique, since we are in the neighbourhood, which i am expecting to go amazingly. i was hoping to get to the market today, but i dont think we are going to have time. or maybe callie and i will go by ourselves between clients. time will tell.
i always enjoy having my sister come to visit. my clients like her a lot, and it makes the days go more quickly. also, having someone else around gives me reason to cook, which doesnt happen much when im on my own. most of all, though, i like for her to see what my job is really all about. it is so hard to explain and no amount of blogging can ever do it justice, and i think it is a valuable experience for her to see what the special needs community is like, and to see why the work i do is important. i also like that she can go home and report to our mother that i do not exaggerate about the strenuous physical work that i do day in and day out. so thats something, i guess.
i really hope that my sister considers wheelchair pushing, even part time, when she is older. there are very few people who can do it, and even fewer who are naturals at it, but i think she would be both. she has that instinctive understanding of special needs and knows how to communicate with people like my clients, and thats the most important characteristic of a worker. unfortunately, it is also the most elusive. too many workers dont have this natural ability, and their clients suffer for it. we need more people like my sister in this field, and i think she would enjoy the work. i guess thats the most important thing about her coming to visit, if you think about it.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Following Up

hello comrades! i thought it was time for me to follow up on a few things that i mentioned a while back. first of all, you may remember my telling you about my first ever attempt at doing my own taxes (if you dont, the post is here). i forgot to mention a couple of weeks ago that i did finish the daunting task, and frankly, it wasnt so bad. i did find that i owe the government about 250 dollars, which sucks, but i am proud to say i did it myself. i still havent received my tax assessment from them, so it is still possible that i completely screwed it up, but i dont think so. its also possible that the tax man will make some adjustments to my return so i dont owe them anything, which happened last year and was AWESOME. we shall see. once again, i will keep you informed.
the other update i have for you relates to the story i told recently about a bizarre conversation i had with a tattoo artist. i dont know for sure, but i think this woman is running around with her tattoo machine giving people infections. why do i think this? ill tell you. one of my clients plays challenger baseball, and we were at the game last week and one of the kid's grandparents struck up a conversation with me about my tattoos. i think she asked me where i got my work done and then complimented the awesome awesomeness of my ink. anyway, she went on to say she was curious because her neighbour recently had a tattoo done and she was suffering from a terrible infection and was on all sorts of nasty, high dose antibiotics. and i said, well that sucks, it really is important to go to a clean place. and she said, well thats just the thing, she had it done in her home. of course, this made my ears perk up, since i had only recently had the bizarre conversation with that weirdo woman in the street. so i said, really? what did this tattoo artist look like? and the grandmother started describing her and i said, you know, i think i met that woman in the street. after exchanging a few more details, i am about 90 percent positive this is the same woman. what a hack.
while i was having this conversation, i reiterated my tale about how people in hamilton consider my tattoo shop to be expensive and snobby. i guess there is a certain amount of truth in that, but the way i see it, i get compliments of the awesome awesomeness of my tattoos all the time, and i figure you get what you pay for. that and as i always say, you cant put a price on not getting AIDS. period.

Friday, July 09, 2010

Swimlog Update

for those of you who may glance at my swimlog once in a while, you may have noticed that i hadnt updated it in almost two weeks. this is because a) my life was totally bamboozled for a few days by the dreaded bicycle seat theft, then b) my life was bamboozled by the canada day holiday/weekend, then c) my life was bamboozled by the horrible heat wave we have been having. BUT never fear comrades, i have not given up on my beloved sport! all is well and the swimlog is all updated, so please dont give up on me! i would never give up on you!!!!!!

What Time is it, Mr. Wolf?

alright comrades, i am a little frustrated with the fact that every clock in town seems to be at least three or four minutes different. example: at the ymca, the front desk clocks are about five minutes faster than the church across the road, and the locker room clock is five faster than that. the pace clock on the pool deck is somewhere in between, and the clock at the life guard station is about five minutes faster than that. it makes it very difficult to figure out when i need to get out of the pool in order to be on time for work, which leaves me finding myself swimming at ridiculous hours just to be safe. i dont understand. its the same at the library. the clock at the reception is different than the clock at the check out desk, which is different from the clocks by the elevators (which all run together on every floor, like the clocks at a school) which are different from the clocks on the computer network.
dave often comes down on me for not carrying/wearing a watch, but really, i ask you, what would be the point? my watch would be different from all the other clocks except maybe the ones in my apartment. chloé standard time.

Monday, July 05, 2010

Lasso of Truth

hello and happy tuesday, comrades! i am sorry for my less than frequent blogging lately. i have had a hectic couple of weeks, between my bike seat getting stolen and needing to be replaced to bopping around on various social outings, my poor blog is being neglected. i dont often wish i had a cell phone, but if i had an iphone or a blackberry, i could blog on the go! that would be fun, and also much more like the early days of my blog when i was still in school and thus in front of my computer for many hours each day, blogging about all of my misadventures as they happened. but no matter, i am here now, and we can spend some much needed time together.
so, i have been debating all morning about what to post about. i could talk about my canada day hijinks, or the G20 (although i have to admit that would be a little late in coming) or about me hanging out with trevor and his boyfriend on saturday (which was really funny, considering it was gay pride weekend and they spent the saturday night of the weekend hanging out with their straight friends at trevors apartment, but whatever), but i have decided, instead, to talk about this:


this, in case you cant tell, is the new and supposedly improved wonder woman. to commemorate the 600th issue of the comic, dc has given wonder woman a new costume, and surprisingly, a new back story in an effort to boost sales. believe it or not, wonderwoman is considered to be part of the dc "triumvirate" of supers, the other two being, you guessed it, superman and batman, but she doesnt sell nearly as well as the two big boys. so here are my thoughts.
i have always despised wonder woman, particularly her costume. that american patriotic uncle sam crap irks the shit out of me and i have never been able to like her because of it. so in that sense, i like the new look. that being said, as a big comic book type of person, i can see how changing a back story would be really irritating. there are, however, different strains of some comic books, that take place in, say, parallel universes or whatever, which is how they do it. since i havent read the new book, i dont know what they have done to change the back story or how they justified it, so i cant really comment. all i can say is i can see how that would REALLY piss off the geeks. (i say it with love, dear brothers, i say it with love). that being said, it can be done. i mean, look at the most recent star trek movie. completely different back story, and i loved it. i will acknowledge that i know other fans who had a big problem with that, but i am not such a sci fi purist
i do think that wonder woman was in much need of some modernization. the reason i have always disliked her is because she represents everything that is sexist and wrong with women in comics. you see, female supers, in addition to being dressed like call girls, tend to have defensive rather than offensive powers, and tend to lie more on the madonna side of the madonna-whore continuum, while female villains are the opposite. this is only perpetuating the myth that you either want a woman to marry or a woman to fuck and not both, but its the defensive powers that really irk me. it just reinforces the notion that women are passive and nonviolent, but super heroes are supposed to be vigilantes! deliverers of justice! pissed off about crime!
anyway, i doubt very much that dc is going to go to the trouble of giving any of its heroes a complete overhaul like the one wonder woman needs. there is no way they are going to change her costume, backstory, sexual behaviour, powers and personality all in one fell swoop, but i think the costume change is a good start. maybe someday, there will be a wonder woman comic that this woman is interested in reading. who knows.

Friday, June 25, 2010

What a World

hello comrades! sorry for my relative absence this week, but i am having such a shitty week. monday, i was hungover, missed my swim. then tuesday was going well until about ten pm, when i left the y only to discover THAT MY FUCKING BICYCLE SEAT AND THE CLAMP TO HOLD IT ON HAD BEEN STOLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was so livid. i realise, of course, that i bear some responsibility for not bringing the seat into the y with me, but i was still pretty pissed. my bike is my vehicle and i am more dependent on it than anything else i can think of. i felt so violated and angry. i just wanted to put my fist through the back of somebody's head. THEN, the next day, when i went to replace it, it ended up costing me NINETY SEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS to buy a seat and post and clamp that were equivalent to the ones that were stolen. unbelievable. and THEN, the parts i bought were the wrong size, so i had to go back and exchange them. on top of all this i had a tiff with dave (we are fine, but tiffing sucks no matter how you cut it) and then i fell with a client at his soccer game while his super overprotective parents were watching and he got it in the face with a ball, and THEN today annes mum tells me she has to go to a funeral tomorrow and she doesnt know what to do about anne because i dont work the weekends anymore (if that isnt a guilt trip, i dont know what is). on top of everything else, i have daves mental case mother leaving me idiotic messages on my voicemail because she wants to sit and rehash the argument we had last week, and the g20 is expected to send traffic volume through the roof this weekend, so i have no clue how long it will take me to get from hamilton to toronto tonite. I. CANT. BELIEVE. THIS. WEEK.
the only silver linings i have to focus on are these: the bike seat that i bought to replace the one that was stolen is actually even nicer than the one that was stolen. and my old one was starting to crack, so i was planning on replacing it in about six months anyway. the other is that i just tried to be thankful that i even have a bike and a job and a body to ride the bike with. it doesnt really take the hurt out of it, but i think its important to focus on the big picture at times like these. *sigh*