Thursday, October 28, 2010

My Lovely Guest

hello all! so my lovely sister who has retired from blogging was kind enough to answer my eight questions so i am posting her answers here:

1) do you have a good sense of direction? please explain with hilarious anecdotes.
somehow, dear sister, i know this is related to your psychotic geocaching.
i like to think i do. for example, one time my sister took me on a psychotic geocaching adventure and we searched for a long time with a GPS and didn't find anything, so we went home.
oh, wait.
well this other time cj and i could only get a ride part way home so we had to walk for an hour and a half to get the rest of the way. it was from wasaga beach to collingwood. it was a straight line. a highway, in fact. we both kind of fell asleep afterwards.
and my whole time at school i've been able to walk there all by myself. you have to take the main roads, but it's tricky, because you have to remember to turn left once.

2) what are your thoughts on people showing you pictures of their babies?
it's fine in moderation. as in, show me a single picture of the baby when it isn't dressed in something awful like a mini tuxedo and don't make an event of it--do it in passing, like as we walk past the picture on the wall where i may or may not chance a brief glance at it. most likely not. preferably you don't have your child in swaddling cloths overpowering your deco.

3) what was the last movie you watched? is it any good?
dirty dancing. it was ok, and i was watching it with someone i don't really know, so the jokes we made weren't especially funny since we don't know each other's humour. in the end, it was full of dancing in a dirty way and not really wearing pants.

4) what is your favourite place to be?
in my room, because that is the part of the world that is all mine and many things i love belong there. it is warm and pleasant and powerful, but not to anyone but me. it is uniquely my own and no-one else can truly get how my room and i connect. it has a force. i feel at home there. it is full of my deepest emotions.
also on stage, because performing is one of the greatest, most satisfying and incredible feelings in the world. it conjures such joy in me. the feeling when your line gets the laugh, when your song gets the tears, when your show gets the standing ovation--it is beyond explainability. i feel at home there too.
and one more--rehearsal for being on stage eventually. you are with your new and special family, with your inside jokes and crazy antics and fond, fond memories. there is casual clothing and endless giggles and screwing up lines in such a way that you never forget. you have laughs and deep talks and you bicker and hug and you are obnoxious, no matter who you are. that is my third, but not least important, home.

5) what was your favourite food that your mum used to make?
she still makes these things: caesar salad dressing, vegetarian "cheeseburger [no idea why she calls it this]" spaghetti sauce, chocolate chip cookies, greek salad, magic mud and play-dough.

6) if you could change your name to anything, what would it be?
stevie, after stevie nicks, because that is what my mom wanted to name me but my dad said no and i think it would be cool to have a guy name, especially named after an awesome musician.

7) who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark? why?
you have a weird fetish with this question. you are absolutely, irrefutably out to lunch.
although logically i would like to say the two don't even know of each other's existence and therefore would not fight, i know that logic is quite literally out of the question, at least in that respect. however, as much as i like sharks (actually, i like bears too), i'd say a bear would win. bears have experience lashing at fish, which in the real-life case would be smaller and far less vicious, like salmon, but it is experience in both worlds nonetheless. the bear could simply train and reapply this technique on a larger scale. the bear, being smaller, could manipulate his movements more quickly and precisely. while sharks have teeth on their side, their mouths are awkward and i don't imagine they would be able to bite the bear very effectively, and their 'bumping' technique with the snout may deter a bear temporarily, one can only bump for so long before the bear claws out an eye and mutilates tongue and gums. in addition, there is no equal ground i can think of for these two to fight, except perhaps in free fall, as this would confuse the bear and the shark couldn't breathe. the battledome has a large influence on the outcome.

8) what is the most annoying thing that happened to you this week?
i had to get up extremely early today and sit on a bus for three hours and the two sitting behind me droned on and on and on and on and on about the most mind-numbing topics known to the universe the entire time and there was nothing i could do but be exhausted and listen, as i am typically unable to sleep in vehicles and i am very in tune with details, like other people's conversations, no matter how bland and annoying.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

For Lack of Anything Better

hello comrades! i have been tagged in a meme (ironically, i find that overusage of the word meme to sound like you went to university has become a meme in and of itself over the last year and a half. bizarre). although i dont usually do these things, i was happy to be tagged by catherine at 20sb, so i thought i would be kind enough. here is the deal: i have to answer 8 questions and then tag 8 people to answers 8 questions of my own. im not sure i can provide 8 people, i think i shall include myself as one of them, but i will do my best. so here goes:

1) cats or dogs? if you had to pick one, which would it be and why?
this is a toughie. although i have three idiotic cats and i love them very much, i think i am actualyl a secret dog person. i want a dog so, so badly. i like how dogs are more like your best friend. my cats just think of me as a meal ticket and occasional provider of body heat. also i love walking dogs and i would love so much for that to be part of my daily life.

2) what is the best dinosaur ever? why?
i like the triceratops because i believe they had the smallest brains. i imagine this would probably put them approximately on par with my cats, so i would get along well with them. also barney was cool in the first season but now hes a creeper.

3) what is the best dessert ever?
hmmm.... i enjoy trifle. and also ice cream. i also enjoying having more dinner instead of dessert. does that count?

4) if you could build a bridge to the moon, what material would you use?
to answer the question somewhat practically, i would use spider's silk, because it is the most strong and tensile material known to mankind. to answer it less practically, i guess i would make each metre of it out of a different food that i love. im sure i would run out of ideas before i left the atmosphere and then i would have all of my delicious foods to eat all in one place.

5) beef or chicken?
um neither? im a vegetarian, so i will say cows are cuter than chickens.

6) if you could have ONE super power, what would it be?
this is kind of a sensitive issue for me. all my life i always said unequivocally that it would be reading minds, but as time goes on i am getting more and more attracted to having powers over the oceans and water and being able to breathe underwater and stuff like that. so i think i will go with that one for the first time ever.

7) what is one of your most guilty pleasures?
watching crappy, crappy reality tv. i love it all and i cant even explain why. the trashier, the better.

8) pie or cake?
ooooh tough call. im not a huge pastry person, but i guess i would have to say pie.

alright so those were catherine's questions. i am going to tag the following people
1) myself
2) daniel wheaton
3) my sister, who since she retired as a blogger can send me her answers and i will post them here
4) catherine
5) andy hmm
6) elizapaa

....and thats the best i can do. i dont know if they will all get back to me but you know. so here are my questions:
1) do you have a good sense of direction? please explain with hilarious anecdotes.

2) what are your thoughts on people showing you pictures of their babies?

3) what was the last movie you watched? is it any good?

4) what is your favourite place to be?

5) what was your favourite food that your mum used to make?

6) if you could change your name to anything, what would it be?

7) who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark? why?

8) what is the most annoying thing that happened to you this week?

Friday, October 22, 2010

Go, Go Gadget Democracy!

well comrades. now that the initial polling is all done, the mayoral candidates have been narrowed down to three front runners, which makes my whole issue of figuring out who to vote for a little bit easier. i was able to eliminate one candidate immediately: he was the mayor when i was in university, and i didnt like him for a variety of reasons. so we are down to two, and i have to admit i am torn. i like both of their ideas.
the current mayor has the following things going for him that i like 1) he has a very green agenda 2) he is committed to improving transit and has followed through on that committment 3) he seems to be pro cyclist.
the other guy, on the other hand, is also committed to transit (so he says) and is the only candidate as far as i can tell who has made any mention of even addressing accessibility issues in hamilton. so im not sure. he seems very by the book and no nonsense, but isnt that what you need in a leader? i am very torn. obviously, the current mayor has had four years to prove to us that he is trying to follow through on his campaign promises, and i think for the most part, he is doing a pretty decent job. the accessibility issues are a big one for me, though. i think i shall have to consult with barb. i know she is planning on voting for the current mayor again, but who knows? these are tough decisions. i shall let you know how it all turns out. knowing my luck i will forget to go vote anyway. hahaha. just kidding. ive never done that.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Age of Horrible Pandemics

hello everyone! halloween is fast approaching, and although i am not generally a celebrant of halloween, i did have to sit and listen to one of my clients read franklin's halloween on monday night and it got me thinking. it is amazing how many things are going the way of the dodo nowadays simply because of the culture shift we have experienced over the last few years as a result of various widespread illnesses, the most recent being the swine flu "epidemic," which was close on the heels of the influenza a "pandemic." (i use quotations here because i am very much of the opinion that both -demics were huge media hypes used by ultra conservative right wing bible belt media barons to scare us into believing that the end of the world is upon us -not to mention the cashola that big pharmaceutical makes off of such things- but that is another blog post that im sure someone else wrote somewhere and probably did a much better job of than i would here). anyway, here are the things which have either disappeared altogether, are becoming less common, or are on their ways out:
1) bobbing for apples. after listening to franklin's halloween i was on the verge of going home and bobbing for apples by myself, i was so sad to realise i will never get to do this at a party again. bobbing has been replaced by trying to catch apples or donuts hanging from strings in the ceiling, not as fun, not as hard, not as wet. pros: at halloween parties noone's make up gets wrecked.
2) shaking hands. this is in the "on its way out" category, i think. it is still somewhat unprofessional or impolite not to shake hands in many contexts, but we all know that everyone runs to the bathroom at the first possible opportunity to get all those hand germs gone. eventually we are all going to just agree to stop doing it because it grosses us all out so much. is being replaced by friendly nodding, smiling, and sort of saluting. im telling you, the japanese were way ahead of everyone else on this one with the bowing.
3) sharing almost anything. at least our capitalistic society has made this one pretty easy to get used to.
4) unsafe sex (obviously).
5) hugging anyone other than family (and even then, im sure many of us were just looking for a way out of that one) catch my drift. im sure there are many others, but its interesting how much a little fear can shape a whole entire society. however did we make it this far in the first place?????

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Sticks and Stones

you know, i have a beef. i really do. and it is with people who use the word "retarded" as a meaningless way of saying silly or stupid or whateverthefuck they mean when they say it. it isnt acceptable to use the words "faggy" or "gay" in a derogatory way anymore, and it shouldnt be acceptable to use retarded either. although retarded is a medically recognized term for people with intellectual disablities, it is derogatory to use it to describe anything else. it is completely disrespectful of the special needs community and shows a complete lack of compassion not to mention vocabulary on part of the person using it that way. it drives me crazy and it isnt funny and i cant believe the way that some people will actually defend themselves for using it that way because they are just "joking around." if someone you loved had one single, obvious defining characteristic that was more pronounced than any of their other traits, and everyone used that adjective to mean stupid, or silly, or inferior in some way, you would be sick of it too. lucky for most of you, that isnt, and wont ever be the case.

Friday, October 15, 2010


good news comrades! i was up in the meadowlands with anne on tuesday (the meadowlands is this suburb of hamilton that takes forever to get to by bus, which is why i like taking anne there, because it kills a whole day for us) and i decided to drop into michaels (the craft store) to see if they had any buttons i could use on this baby sweater i made. sadly, they didnt seem to have any that were reasonably priced, and the selection was terrible, BUT i found the motherlode of affordable wool for my knitting projects. ok maybe not the motherlode... that would be the textiles warehouse i went to years ago and still cant seem to relocate, but it is good to have other options than just zellers for when zellers doesnt have what im looking for.
on a related note, the reason we were in the meadowlands in the first place was because i was going to home depot to get dowels to finish these clutch bags i was working on. i found the dowels i wanted and was pleased as punch to be able to cut them right there at the self serve cutting station. anyway, i must have been drinking crazy juice or something, because after i cut three sections off the dowel, i decided to leave the rest behind. this was doubly stupid, because first of all, i had to pay for the whole piece, including the part i left behind, and second of all i needed FOUR sections to finish my clutches, not THREE, so i dont know what the hell i was smoking. anyway, the clutches are still incomplete, but anne and i had a really nice time up there, so that was good.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Democracy At Work

so the municipal elections are coming up, and since i am always going on about democracy and how we all need to vote, i feel i need to not be hypocritical and vote this time around too. ive never voted in the municipal elections, only the provincial and federal ones, and now that im trying to be an active participant in this whole process, im beginning to see why ive never bothered before.
i am trying to find a simple list of all the candidates' websites, particularly the mayoral candidates so i can make an informed decision and all that jazz, and apparently that doesnt exist. there are so many candidates and i have to vote for three and i just want to find a concise directory of websites! even a list of their names! why is this so difficult in this day and age? and then they wonder why voter turnout is so low. people dont want to go looking for this kind of information, they just want it to appear at their doorstep.
thats why people like the provincial and federal elections. even though you arent SUPPOSED to vote for a party, most people do because its easier. which party do i like? blue, red, orange green or independent? its basically picking a colour. which weve all been doing since kindergarten. anyway, im hoping to get some information into my brains before the day is over, but im not holding my breath.

Brief Flirtation With Arbitrary Observations

hello comrades! anne and i are here at the library this fine tuesday and it is rainy and cold and nasty out. i hope the weather is better wherever you are, but we are making the best of it. we are actually using the computer beside the guy who is here every. single. day. all. day. long. he uses the computers all day to read novels (i think thats what hes reading) which i find bizarre, since this is a library after all, and he can take out any book he wants and go anywhere with it! but therein lies the mystery. he is just one person on a long list of people that i am fascinated by and would love to get into their brains and write a fabulous book about them. perhaps one day.
in other library news, i just got busted checking out some guy's sweater and i had to explain that i knit and looked like a total freak on wheels. now this guy is probably wants to get in my head and write a book about me.

Friday, October 01, 2010

I May Be Jerry Seinfeld

hello comrades! i hope you are all hopelessly happy this fine friday. myself, i am average, which is what this post is all about. for those of you who may not remember, or for you weirdos who didnt watch or like seinfeld, there is an episode of seinfeld called "the opposite" where george decides that the reason his life is in the crapper is because he has terrible instincts, so he should just always do the opposite of what he would normally do. this ends up being an amazing strategy, because by the end of the episode, he has a date with a beautiful woman and a job at the new york yankees. on the flip side, as george's life seems to take an amazing and unprecedented upswing, elaine's life, generally viewed as successful in terms men and career, takes a nose dive. in the mean time, jerry hypothesizes that he is the total middle ground between the two of them. no matter what happens, he always comes out even. why i am telling you all of this, is i think that this week, anyway, i may be turning into jerry.
i have had such a strange week. i seem to have had an equal number of pleasant and unpleasant experiences, which feels like i have struck some nebulous karmic balance upon whose scales i am dancing with trepidation. the end result of this is that i dont really feel particularly good or bad about anything at the moment, which is an odd sensation for me, because i usually have strong feelings about SOMETHING or at the very least, a general impression of my day and week. so heres the bullet points of what im talking about:
-> monday i found five dollars in my wallet that i thought i lost (good)
-> tuesday was piss-pouring rain and i had to go all the way to stoney creek (a one hour bike ride) and i had to be there by 930 am. (bad) the ticket wicket at the bus station doesnt open until nine, so i went to the convenience store in the station and asked if the guy could break a five for me (the five i found on monday) he said that he would charge me three dollars to change a five at which point i swore and stomped off (bad).
->as i was rooting for my five to take my bike to another convenience store that would sell me bus tickets, a complete stranger who had overheard my maddening conversation with the convenience store guy just gave me a bus ticket.
-> as i was fishing around for the five to pay her for the ticket, she refused and walked away, which was actually good because i lost the five (bad).
-> wednesday, anne and i had to wait for FOUR buses before one had room for us, and then to top it off, the bus we did get on had an ex client of mine and her mother on it who i cant stand for a single second, which is why i quit the contract (bad)
-> but the fourth bus that did let us on stopped between stops because i flagged her down, which she isnt obligated to do (good)
-> barb was supposed to come over on wednesday for a beer but she cancelled (bad)
-> i went over to her place last night instead, which was fun, except she is stressed about a lot of things, which is why i went in the first place (good and bad).
-> finally, today, i seem to have misplaced a pack of cigarettes (bad), im hoping i left it at barbs, but then when i got out of the shower this morning, i discovered the mail had arrived and in it was a cheque for a hundred dollars from the provincial government (good). this was doubly impressive because i dont usually get any tax returns at all because my federal student loan has a lien on my taxes. i guess this one fell through the cracks. or maybe its because its a provincial tax credit. i dont know.
anyway, so there it is folks. my breaking even week. not sure what to make of it, but im hoping this trend keeps up through the weekend, because i have some obligations that im not looking forward to. peace out.