The Spellman Files

so once i got through the appeal i picked up the spellman files, which i had read about in the mcnally robinson insert that came with my walrus magazine this month. i was interested in it because it was supposed to be funny. it was, but not quite as laugh your ass off funny as some of the other books ive read. that being said, i really enjoyed this book. it was super original and well written. also, since there are at least two more of the same series, it was in very great danger of being crappy genre fiction, but it wasnt.

so. the spellman files is about this family of private investigators. with the exception of the eldest child, everyone, including the drunken uncle and 14 year old daughter are private investigators. since this family's raison d'etre is snooping in other people's business, they are all immensly paranoid and obsessed with their own privacy. they are also all obsessed with each other's personal lives, which lends more credence to said paranoia.

anyway the story is told from the point of view of the middle child, isabel, and it is her version of the events leading up to her sister'ss disappearance. at the time of her telling us about it, her sister is still missing and no one knows why. what follows is a hilarious tale of a family that doesnt know how to love without being nosy. this book is well thought out, well written, and i look forward to reading the sequels.

The Appeal

so last week i read the appeal, the first john grisham book i have read in years. when i was younger i read the client and the runaway jury and i got about half way through the partner before i decided i had just about had enough of john grisham. for starters, there is only so much legal intrigue a person can take and secondly, i just find his plethora of characters a little superfluous and frustrating. anyway, the reason i started reading a john grisham, despite my inclination not to is because i had finished the book i was reading (sympathy, as discussed earlier) while i was at daves, and i didnt bring a new book and was getting antsy with nothing to read. especially because it was sunday morning and dave was still asleep, which is what usually happens on sunday mornings. anyway, so i scoured his apartment looking for something to read and i found the appeal. i knew i wasnt going to particularly like or dislike this book, but it got the job done, and it was just interesting enough for me to finish it.

so. the appeal. this book is about a couple of lawyers who successfully sue a giant corporate chemical manufacturer who have been illegally dumping toxins into a valley for years. the toxins have penetrated the aquifer that supplies water to a small town nearby and so the people in the town are dropping like flies from the cancer. anyway so the jury finds them guilty and awards the plaintiff damages to the tune of 41 million dollars. this obviously carries certain ramifications because if the award is upheld on appeal, it sets a precedent for everyone ELSE in the town to sue the company for millions of dollars. SO the company is appealing the decision.

since the owner of the company is evil, he gets in touch with this company who will basically fix an election for the supreme court for the low low price of 8 million dollars. he pays them, they set up a candidate who will win the election and vote in his favour when the appeal comes before the supreme court. the bulk of the book is about this election and the ways in which big business (or anyone else with deep pockets) can manipulate the electoral process in order to have elected officials who will vote in their best interests. the whole thing is pretty disgusting and evil and just makes this canadian reader feel oh-so-smug because we dont elect our judges here in the great white north.

as with most of john grisham's other works, the appeal is very technical and tedious, but i have to give him credit for addressing this issue, because it is a serious one. the fact that there are states who elect their jurists leaves an already flawed justice system open to further corruption. the great tragedy of the so-called american dream is that despite its touting claims of anyone being able to do anything they want, it has manifested itself as a distinctly class driven society where the rich and privileged can do what ever they want, and the poor suffer for it. it is frightening to think that this blight of american civilisation could (or maybe does) penetrate the justice system, which is supposed to be unbiased. if someone doesnt sit up and reform this system, all americans will ultimately be at the mercy of big business and its whims. which is not only unjust, it is inhumane.

Never Thought I'd See The Day

that i was frustrated with bees. you see, bees are my third-favourite animal, and i have always been a staunch defender and rescuer of bees. indeed, my comrades when i worked at the bar thought i was insane, climbing all over the kitchen to retrieve bees and put them outside so that they wouldnt be killed. anyway, without digressing into an explanation as to why i love bees so much, i must admit i never thought id see the day but i have. in case you arent aware (and in case i am incorrect, i got the following information from barb, so you can blame her for any wrong-ness) apparently because the winter was so mild (?) more queen bees survived the winter than usual and so the bee population is larger than usual. i also suspect that the garbage strike in toronto that lasted for the first six weeks of summer didnt do anything but exacerbate this situation. anyway, so theres a noticeable increase in the number of bees flying around hamilton. normally i would find this cause for celebration, but unfortunately, these bees (wasps, too) seem (to me anyway) to be very aggressive. theyre always all up in my business. and im like, yo, dawg, im not a flower. anyway so far i have avoided being stung but well see how the rest of "bee season" plays out.

Sympathy

so ive decided that since i read so many books, i might as well start reviewing some of them. last weekend, i finished this book, sympathy, by dede crane. ms. crane is a canadian writer who was shortlisted for the cbc literary awards (i think in 2006 but im not sure) a very prestigious competition that i entered in 2007 and was NOT shortlisted for. anyway, she was also a professional dancer at one point, but as is the case with professional dancers, she is now retired. anyway. this book was pretty excellent. her dance background shone through because the main character is a retired dancer and the whole time i was reading it i thought my sister would probably like it, because the dancer's relationship with her own body because of dance is a fundamental theme in the work. anyway, the story is about this woman, the aforementioned dancer, who has post traumatic stress disorder because she lost her husband and her son in a car wreck and shes gone all catatonic. so her mother has taken her to this private clinic where shes recieving this cutting edge and somewhat controversial treatment called psychokinetic therapy or something. anyway i wont give much more detail than that.
that being said, the book is impressively written and very engaging. the only thing i didnt like about it was how her doctor was sleeping with his receptionist and she was kind of a slut bag but also totally into him and he wasnt really into her and he was kind of a dick about it. but as you learn by the end of the book thats all intentional because he has a big stick up his ass, not to mention some serious mommy issues, as all therapists do. also the main characters mother was very shallow to the point of being irritating, but this was also done on purpose, so its more a testament to the book being good rather than bad, even though it was so very very irritating. anyway i have to cut this review short because im about to run out of time on the computer, but i will certainly give more time to the next one.

Waiting

well comrades, im sure i speak for all of us when i say that i think we are losing hope of my ever recieving the wedding photos from callie or the photos from trevor that i wanted. and, to add insult to injury, i am now waiting on a third set of photos (also from callie) from the family get together we had in stratford. alack and alas. and my poor blog has been neglected because of all this painful waiting. as i pointed out a while ago, i was hoping to blog about all of these events shortly after they happened, so i wasnt wanting to blog in between, in order to maintain some semblance of consistent chronology, but apparently i need to give up on that plan. because it would appear that i am never going to recieve the pictures i asked for, at least not any time soon.

WEIRD

so ive been looking for work, and youll never believe that CSIS (like the canadian CIA, as in SPIES) actually has job postings advertised on the internet. lol. who'd have thunk? if only i could relate this information back to my high school self... you see, back in high school, kate and i were rather obsessed with CSIS and were always claiming that seemingly innocuous or abandoned offices belonged to CSIS. and there they are, with a website just like everyone else. HMMPH. way to go, canadian spies... although i bet theyre going to find this post and then track me down and then make me disappear into thin air for criticising them. well if thats the case, let me say goodbye cruel world......

Long Weekend

well comrades im back in the hammer after this past long weekend and let me tell you, it was super relaxing. it was so relaxing, in fact, that i had absolutely no desire for it to end. going back to work after a nice and much needed long weekend is like getting splashed by a puddle when it isnt even raining. or something like that. anyway, with all of the running around and nonsense that dave and i had to take care of prior to my uncles wedding (sidebar: im sorry i havent blogged about that, i am STILL waiting for photos from the sister unit before i do so. which by the way is totally messing up the chronology of my blog. thanks alot, callie.) we really needed a chance to chill out. and that is exactly what we did. the only blips on the radar were taking his dad to a visitation for a family friend who died and then the subsequent shitshow of buying his parents groceries and cooking them dinner, but other than that we did almost nothing. and it was FANTASTIC. and thats all i have to say about that.

Back To Our Regular Programme

so, comrades... sorry i havent posted in a few days. there are two reasons for this: 1) today is the first day i have been to the library this week, because i have been busy with mundane things like buying groceries and doing laundry (i love my job) and 2) i must admit i was waiting for my sister and trevor to send me the photos i requested, because i still want to blog about the subject of said photos. anyway, i still havent heard back from either of them, and i know trevor is heading out to montreal for the weekend, so it will be next week at the earliest, methinks. unless callie sends hers along tonite, but whatever, it doesnt even matter.
anyway, now that im all distracted by this pointless explanation that isnt even interesting, i forget what i actually planned to write about. i dont know whats gotten into me lately, but i feel like i keep forgetting EVERYTHING. i dont recall ever being this scatterbrained, and i cant possibly imagine why this is happening. my only guess is that i just have so much on my mind and i am so busy that its making me forgetful. i dont know if that is actually possible, but lets run with it.

Rhetorical Question

WHAT KIND OF A WORLD DO WE LIVE IN WHERE SOME PREGNANT MORON JUST LETS HER OTHER BABY SIT IN THE STROLLER AND SCREAM AND SCREAM AND SCREAM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOOD COURT AND JUST KEEP TALKING TO HER GIRLFRIEND LIKE IT ISNT EVEN HAPPENING????? AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

well ive been sitting here for like an hour and a half doing crosswords trying to come up with something to blog about. this is the problem with not having the internet at my house, i cant just blog whenever the mood strikes me. for example, last time i blogged about the dead weather concert, i was actually planning to do three separate posts because i had three different things to talk about, but i ran out of time and now i cant remember what the other two are. besides, even if i could, im not as pumped up or excited as i was at the time so even if i did remember what i was going to write about, the posts wouldnt be as good as they would have last week. so there you go.
anyway, im going to put off blogging about my uncle's wedding until i get the pictures, so callie if you could send them along id appreciate it and if you could ask mum to send hers along i would also appreciate it.
i guess i could talk about going out with kyle and trevor on friday, but there isnt that much to say. *sigh* why am i so boring? im beginning to think its because i dont have a camera. but its probably because im just boring. sorry comrades, i dont have much today.

Chloé Loves Dave

well this past wednesday, my main man dave took me to see THE DEAD WEATHER aka JACK WHITE'S NEW BAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! anyway, it goes without saying that it was AWESOME. awesome of the awesome-awesomeness variety. that boy makes me so happy. and so does dave. anyway, the only thing i really have to say about it without actually REVIEWING the concert is that the reason i have an interminable love affair with my beloved jack is because his music speaks to me like nothing else does. the day of the concert, i had a very physical day, and my legs and back were killing me. i was also totally exhausted. but as soon as jack stepped on the stage, all of my discomfort and preoccupation disappeared. and for two blissful hours, the only thing i could think about was how much i love his music. it completely absorbs me and consumes me and while im listening to jack and reeling from being in the same room as him, breathing his oxygen, i am not myself, im not anyone or anything i am just the music, and nothing can touch me or hurt me and nothing and no one else can make me feel that way.

And Speaking of Trannies

oh, speaking of trannies, we learned this weekend that apparently my story about getting yelled at by the tranny from zelda's is worth ten bucks. i was explaining this story to shayla while dave and i were out with her (welcome back shayla! it was soooooo good to see you!), which by the way, i dont even think its a very good story, which is why i never mentioned it on here when it happened, and some guy sitting on the patio thought it was so funny, he bought us a pitcher of beer. so there you go. i will be telling this story loudly in bars for years to come, in hopes of scoring more free beer.

Women's Sandals

well comrades, just when you think it all, hamilton manages to introduce you to yet another character, someone even stranger than you could have imagined. today i will be discussing the man in the women's sandals.
so for the last, i dont know, maybe two weeks, there has been this man making his presence known in jackson square and the library, who i have thought of in my head as the man in women's sandals. anyway, he wears women's sandals and some feminine looking beads and disheveled clothing that ranges from gender to gender. the strange thing is, he isnt like a regular transvestite or drag queen, because he isnt dressed up like a woman or trying to come across as a woman, hes just wearing a few select pieces of women's clothing. anyway, i had noticed him aruond, and he was a new addition to the wonderful cast of characters here at the library, but i never really thought anything of it until i had a conversation with him.
last week, after i finished posting about having the afternoon off due to weather, i went out on the roof of jackson square to have a cigarette. the man in women's sandals came up to me and bummed a smoke and then didnt actually light it, which i took to be his way of seeing if i was safe to talk to. when he discovered that i was, in fact, safe to talk to, he started talking. he started telling me about how the people at the library are always kicking him out because of his clothing (doubtful, i think he tries to provoke them into kicking him out) and how they called him a faggot (really doubtful) and how everyone in hamilton is so rude to him because they think hes a faggot and hes black and he just went on and on and on about his whole persecution complex over being black and gay. i listened quietly, because i could tell he was just a mentally ill homeless guy with strange delusions of racism/homophobia but he was pretty interesting. so there you go. i just wish i could have gleaned this information without having to hand over a cigarette.

JackJackJack

so i was a little pissed when i found out my beloved jack had started a third band.... i want another white stripes album! stop starting new bands! but then i read this article in spin magazine and this new band, the dead weather, sounds AWESOME. also jack said a new white stripes album should be out in the next year, so i felt placated. anyway, other than waxing eloquence about jacks OBVIOUS greatness, i will just leave you all with this fabulous, fabulous quote. if you cant see why i love him, then i guess we arent all that close.

"we're all struggling with the trouble that this industry is in right now. and its not about sales; its about beauty and romance and a relationship to art thats turning invisible, and its affecting peoples perception of music. its affecting whether they think of it as a viable art, because its so fucking disposable. its not about being modern or retro or a luddite or being hopeful or pessimistic about the future; its about clinging on to what makes sense of our lives, and what gives our lives value, and what gives us a commonality and a feeling of belonging."
-jack white III

St Clair

we were leaving a coffee shop on st clair street west
and there was a dying bird on the table
i guess it flew into a window
and i looked at him trying not to cry
because he hates to see anything suffer
and he knows he cant fix the world
but he sure would like to try
and later that day it started to rain
and i thought of that bird on st clair street west
spending its last minutes in the rain
and i looked at him and i tried not to cry
because i hate to see him suffer
and i know i cant tell him i will fix the world
but i sure would like to try

Afternoon Off Due to Weather

so im thinking im going to make some turnip for lunch. and i need to do dishes and call canada revenue (yikes!). at least i'll get to go to daves earlier....
i feel like i should be using this opportunity to write a really great blog, but to be honest im kind of drawing a blank. i kind of wish callie had put up a new picture on girls wearing glasses so i could write about that.
i left my bicycle lock on the bus last night and didnt realise until i was almost at my client's this morning so i had to borrow her crappy lock and now im standing here obsessing about it and worried about my jack getting stolen, so i think i should just cash my chips and leave.

Uh, Your Momma?

kyle bailey.
i got a very strange message from your mother this week, saying shes sorry she "missed my call while {she} was away" and that she is now finally returning it. i have absolutely no idea what shes talking about so if you could shed some light on the subject i would appreciate it. in other bailey family phone related incompetence, you left me a two minute message last week of clanking and clunking, not unlike the sound of a cell phone accidentally calling someone from inside a knapsack. time for you and telecommunications to have a little break i think.
xo
chloe

I Am Confused

ok so my sister filled out some sort of survey on her blog and "tagged" me to do it... im not sure where i recieved said "tag" but i guess ill do it anyway because i dont have anything better to do. in other news, callie and i have FINALLY gotten our blog up and running and it no longer looks ugly, thanks to callie. so check it out when you get a chance. its called girls wearing glasses on the sidebar.

1. What is your current obsession? Batman and Graphic Novels

2. What is your weirdest obsession? Batman and Graphic Novels

3. Recall a fond childhood memory? This is a question? Holy incorrect interrogative, batman. anyway, speaking of batman, i guess a fond childhood memory of mine would be when my dad gave me my first batman poster... the michael keaton 1989 one from the tim burton movie. he hung it on my wall and i looked upon its obvious greatness, and thought, this is the perfect man.

4. What’s for dinner? shit i dont know. its ten to twelve on thursday morning. probably a sub or something.

5. What would you eat for your last meal? this is a very morbid question and i dont want to answer it.

6. What’s the last thing you bought? cigarettes. this thing is making me look even more boring than i thought i am.

7. What are you listening to right now? the never ending jackhammer sound from inside the bowels of the library as they continue this mysterious renovation.

8. What do you think of the person who tagged you? my sister is beautiful and talented and i think shes also kind of pissed at me for calling her pathetic even though i was just kidding around

9. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished, anywhere in the world, where would it be? probably on a mountain. or a farm. or a farm on a mountain. i could farm goats or eidelweiss or something

10. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? back to bed.

11. Which language do you want to learn? russian i guess. i took the introductory course at school...its pretty tricky stuff

12. What’s your favourite quote (for now)? "That would pretty much be my ideal: eating pie, smoking and having sex in the rain." by trevor.

13.What is your favourite colour? Red

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? I guess my red hat. Or my red dress,

15. What is your dream job? Paediatrician. Or anything that involves being in the woods, collecting samples for a lab. or being michael phelps' girlfriend.

16.What’s your favourite magazine? the walrus

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on? bills.

18. Describe your personal style? is this a fashion question? i wear red and black.

19. What are you going to do after this? i have some more internet stuff to do and then im taking anne swimming

20. What are your favourite films? batman, batman begins, batman returns, the dark knight, waydowntown, amadeus... look at my profile

21. What’s your favorite fruit? cherries

22.What inspires you? my clients and the natural world (see old post: why i study biology)

23. Your favourite books? the catcher in the rye, a prayer for owen meany, anything by paulo cohelo.... look at my profile

24. Do you collect anything? batman toys, children/teen novels, elephants, pieces of useless information, problems

25. Any advice from bitter experience? i feel like most of my experience is bitter. how about people with intellectual disabilities have feelings and they can understand what you are saying about them, you asshole. also SHARE THE ROAD WITH CYCLISTS

26. What makes you follow a blog? if its funny and creative and does something different. or if the writing is exceptional.

Snob?

so believe it or not, i think i figured out what my problem is. whenever i try to pick out a new book to read, which believe it or not is almost every day, it takes me forever because im always looking for the perfect book. particularly this week because last week i read like ten or twelve really disturbing graphic novels. so i was looking for something upbeat but not too, how shall i say? crappy. anyway, so i did find one book a couple of days ago that worked out pretty good but generally i have problems finding new books and end up borrowing books ive already read. i think this makes me some kind of snob. i also always feel like the paper back section is trashy and im afraid i might run into someone i know while im in it. which is also kind of snobby. if not, at least a little i missed my medication-ey. anyway i had planned on writing a more elaborate post about this but i only have three minutes left on this internet station. and ive basically forgotten most of what i wanted to say. *sigh*

O Canada

you know comrades, i think im in a rut. ever since i started blogging again after my long silence i think i have been reusing post titles, including this one. i guess im going to have to tap into the creative well... or something. anyway, so although its about two weeks past its relevance, i feel i should follow up the post about my day with trevor with a post about my day with dave. we are all good communists here, after all. sadly, i have no pictures from our adventure, which is really a shame, since i think we would have gotten some good ones. perhaps some day one of us will have a digital camera. *sigh* but i digress.
so dave and i had big plans to bike from his place down to the lakeshore, which is approximately a 16k trip going directly down the regular roads. this wasnt our plan, however. we were taking this long and winding path along the don river, which was very scenic and nice, but EASILY added 10k to the trip each way.
anyway, as i mentioned in my post about my day with trevor, it was supposed to rain on tuesday and wednesday, so i was a little apprehensive that my great cycling adventure would be ruined. lucky for me, the people at the weather network are actually on hard drugs all the time and feel no motivation whatsoever to forecast the weather correctly, so the rain held off.
so we went on this super long bike ride and it was lots of fun and i brought leftover chinese food for my snacky-poo and it was definitely too long and hard for dave because hes not quite the cyclist i am..... i would have done it in about 3 and a half hours by myself, and it took us about 5, not including the long break we took when we finally got there, but im not judging. we all know that if anything, i ride too much. and i guess that was that.
in other news, i had this totally random message on my voice mail from kyles mum... she said she was returning my call from when she was away.... i have no clue what thats about. i dont remember calling her..........WEIRD