O, Muse! Why Have You Forsaken Me?

agh. instead of working on biology or doing anything academic, i have spent the last hour reading over my entire blog, except for the first three posts. needless to say, i am more frustrated than a 15 year old with erectile dysfunction. WHY CANT I WRITE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! ive got NOTHING. i havent written a story in ages, and the last poem i attempted was hurting. i feel like i have a story about arden simmering somewhere below the surface, but all i have is images and events no plot, not even by ardens minimalist plot standards. i also want to write another children's story which i have more or less outlined in my head but thats not really bothering me. what happened to arden? and my poetry? there is only two possible explanations i think. 1) i dont have enough going on in my life to inspire me, or 2) i have too much going on in my life and i am missing all of the little things that used to inspire me. needless to say, its jsut unacceptable. or maybe arden is holding me captive... maybe i need to try to write about someone else. maybe i need to start writing from a female point of view or something. have i embraced my feminine side to the point where i cannot write arden anymore? how could this have happened? i am not ready to let go of him yet and i am not ready to concede that my creative peak passed when i was 17 years old. has science sapped me, is that what it is? i dont understand. maybe im dissatisfied with arden or with myself... im having trouble characterizing him which i used to do so easily. have i changed so much that i cannot find the arden in me anymore? perhaps i am overreacting. i havent attempted writing about arden in a long time, so maybe im jumping the gun. i also think a lot if it is to do with the fact that i dont get to see kate as much anymore, her perspective is what i need to write geoff and she is removed from my day to day experiences and also i am forced to hold onto an old idea of her to write geoff but i have all that has happened to me in order to evolve arden. writing has never been work for me. the stories about arden and geoff were always in me to write and they flowed like time passes out of me and im just so frustrated i have the itch but nothing to scratch. AAAAAAAAAAA

Listen To The Music Playing In Your Head

In The Cold, Cold Night

By The White Stripes

I saw you standing in the corner

On the edge of a burning light

I saw you standing in the corner

Come to me again

In the cold, cold night

You make me feel a little older

Like a full grown woman might

But when you're gone I grow colder

Come to me again

In the cold, cold night

I see you walking by my front door

I hear the creaking of the kitchen floor

I don't care what all the people say

I'm gonna love you anyway

Come to me again

In the cold, cold night

I can't stand it any longer

I need your fuel to make my fire bright

So don't fight it any longer

Come to me again

In the cold, cold night

And I know that you feel it too

When my skin turns into blue

You will know that it's warm inside

And you'll come run to me

In the cold, cold night

This One's For You, O Spoiled One

well for some reason that i absolutely cannot figure out, steve asked me to post about the band body count and since hes SPOILED im going to do it. but let me tell you, if i never had to contemplate body count ever again after this, my life would be significantly more enjoyable. anyway, so body count is this terrible band that used to exist, the infamous ice-t was the lead singer and figurehead of the nefarious body count. needless to say, his skills are being put to much better use on law and order, special victims unit, because he doesnt have to do any singing whatsoever on that show. body count sings all sorts of stupid songs, with such lyrical brilliances as "cop killler" and "kkk bitches" my personal favourite is the song that just says "body count, motherfucker" over and over again. anyway, i feel that every moment that is pend thiking about body count is one more moment ill never get back, so im going to end this post now before i start hurting myself in acts of self loathing.

And The Ladies Who Love The Ladies

and now for today. i skipped yoga this morning in order to maximise my sleep because i felt i needed it in my ongoing effort to kill my cold, not to mention i need some staying power to do my homework tonight (which i should be doing now instead of blogging. terrible). although i dont like missing yoga, im glad i did because i feel much better today than yesterday. anyway so after ym 830 i went to the second cup like i always do on mondays to kill the hour i have before my next class. theres this girl who works there who i am pretty sure is a lesbian, shes been there since the end of the summer. shes really nice, kind of shy, but truth be told, i think she kind of admires me from afar and has for a while. shes always really nice to me and if i dont come in for a few days she always asks where ive been. now i realise that this is just friendliness, but a few months ago she had some chocolate covered coffee beans and nuts and stuff behind the counter and she gave me some which i took because it was a nice thing to do. but then, today i was standing there waiting for the guy to make my drink after she had already served me and said have a nice day and stuff and i turn around and shes standing there and she takes my hand and shoves a bunch of easter chocolate into my hand and kind of ran away. i was like thank you and smiled but now im kind of hoping she knows im straight... i dont know what i would do if she asked me out or something because shes a very nice girl indeed and if i was a lesbian i would totally go out with her but i cant help it that im not a lesbian and i would feel really bad hurting her feelings. anyway im sure it wont have to come to that but yes that is the account of my lesbian admirer. go me.

Taking Care of Business

well im sitting here drinking my throat tea and apparently, according to the tea bag, my word is my greatest power. and so, i shall use my super powers to write a blog. yesterday was pretty eventful. first of all i greeted the day at 6, like always on sundays, to discover that whatever microbes are living in jens lungs right now had found their way into my life, and i was headachey, tired, winded, and muscle aching like a mad man. needless to say, i didnt want to go to work, but these things arent really negotiable, so i summoned my walk it off mentality and got my ass down to the fox. once i was changed and ready to go, i was still feeling lousy, so i decided was going to make a consious effort to kill this cold, since i dont have time this week to be sick. not to mention i had supper plans with steve and his mum and stepdad for that evening (details to follow) and i wanted to be not sick in their presence. so, i put on my kitchen sweater, zipped it up, put the hood up and tied it. i then proceeded to work the whole shift in this state in an effort to sweat it out. i also pumped the clear fluids like orange juice and green tea all day, and in between orders i jogged on the spot in front of teh grill to keep my sweat going. it was difficult, because the sickness was making me tired and weak, but i stuck to my mind over matter philosophy and stayed strong. the worst part was just how winded i was while i was trying to cook, that and i think i was feverish off and on all day so it was difficult to even get a sweat going, let a lone keep it up. i also made a point of not eating at all in order to starve the cold and be hungry enough for the dinner plans. this helped a lot i think but it contributed to my weakening. nikolai was good to me and fielded all the questions about my bizarre outfit, james said i looked like a transporter. nikolai said that i transform from a greasy dancing she cook into a red and black haired white stripes fan, which i think isnt really a transformation at all but whatever. anyway so work finally ended and steve picked me up and had his first exposure to my degreasing/humanizing ritual that takes place after work and before i go out. according to him it was "quite a production" which isnt really true but i was back in the game after my shower. i felt much better but i didnt really like my outfit but i was glad i wore it because it covered my forearms well (took a couple of good hits during the tired weakened work shift) and was appropriate for the restaurant. the restaurant had a very nice atmosphere and i enjoyed the company and the conversation once the topic was diverted from seafood and vegetarianism and medical school. i had to be careful not to get tanked off one drink though because as soon as my vodka soda went down i was feeling it since i hadnt eaten anything so i munched on bread and tried to keep my mouth shut until my pasta arrived. the pasta was pretty good, but steve was disappointed with his portion size on his meal which i knew would happen and i felt bad for not suggesting he get a salad which i thought of but didnt vocalise cause im an idiot. anyway after dinner we went and saw teh hills have eyes. see, there are good horror movies and there are bad horror movies. as far as i understand it, good horror movies can be further subdivided into creepy movies that are really quite scary, and realyl gory movies that dont have much of a point but are really bloody but well done. the hills have eyes would fit into the latter. as far as being a complete blood bath it was good and the cinematography was good and it was well done as far as this kind of movie goes. that being said, it was so pointless. the writing was bad, the acting was mediocre, and there was no story or plot at all. none. it was just a spectacle of meaningless violence and debauchery and i couldnt believe how many people left the theatre cause it was grossing them out because it was all so fake and not scary at all. i would liken my opinion on this movie to my opinion on heavy metal. i can appreciate it and i see why other people like it but its so not my thing and yet i keep finding myself watching movies like this and listening to heavy metal for reasons unknown to me. aynway on the whole i had an excellent night and a not so excellent day but im feeling much better today after some shut eye and thats all i have to say about that.

Some Notable Dialogues

well since i havent been posting very often, im sure youre all wondering what ive been up to. the truth is, not much, but i have decided to put some of my more hilarious dialogues down for all to see. so here we go.

steve: what time is it?
chloé: 8:10
steve: is this your idea of sleeping in?
chloé: hell yes

chloé: so today after the lesson we're going to dissect some flowers-
taylor (11 year old child): can we dissect a fetus?
chloé: uh, not today.

amit: why did you throw your tea on the floor?
chloé: i didnt throw my tea on the floor, it fell.
amit: no, i saw you. you did it on purpose
chloé: shut up

clancy: well i need to go to the bank
chloé: shut up let me buy you a sandwich. i still feel bad for blowing you off on tuesday
clancy: so this can be our ad-hoc make up lunch

nikolai: remember the running man?
chloé: that was good times, we should bring that back
(chloé and nik do the running man, bartender looks horrified)
chloé: this is why they keep us in the back
nikolai: yeah weve been out here for like thirty seconds and we've already managed to make complete fools of ourselves
chloé: go us

owen: why dont you go hug a tree you dirty hippy
chloé: why dont you go hug your mom, shes the only one who loves you

chloé: so nik, my mum wanted me to tell you she thinks your hot
nik: what (looks embarassed)
chloé: i told you shes a milf. but ive been thinking about it and you can marry my mum when my dad dies thats ok with me.
nik: ok thats just wrong

chloé: well i told nik that he can have my mum when my dad dies, so he won't be alone forever
jill: aww well thats nice.
chloé: yes. i know that nikolai will be a good father to me
nikolai: ok our relationship has reached a level that is so out of touch with reality that it doesnt even make sense any more

steve: i wish i lived in the marvel universe. i would take you with me chloé
chloé: would i be a princess
steve: yes