Friday, March 31, 2006

O, Muse! Why Have You Forsaken Me?

agh. instead of working on biology or doing anything academic, i have spent the last hour reading over my entire blog, except for the first three posts. needless to say, i am more frustrated than a 15 year old with erectile dysfunction. WHY CANT I WRITE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! ive got NOTHING. i havent written a story in ages, and the last poem i attempted was hurting. i feel like i have a story about arden simmering somewhere below the surface, but all i have is images and events no plot, not even by ardens minimalist plot standards. i also want to write another children's story which i have more or less outlined in my head but thats not really bothering me. what happened to arden? and my poetry? there is only two possible explanations i think. 1) i dont have enough going on in my life to inspire me, or 2) i have too much going on in my life and i am missing all of the little things that used to inspire me. needless to say, its jsut unacceptable. or maybe arden is holding me captive... maybe i need to try to write about someone else. maybe i need to start writing from a female point of view or something. have i embraced my feminine side to the point where i cannot write arden anymore? how could this have happened? i am not ready to let go of him yet and i am not ready to concede that my creative peak passed when i was 17 years old. has science sapped me, is that what it is? i dont understand. maybe im dissatisfied with arden or with myself... im having trouble characterizing him which i used to do so easily. have i changed so much that i cannot find the arden in me anymore? perhaps i am overreacting. i havent attempted writing about arden in a long time, so maybe im jumping the gun. i also think a lot if it is to do with the fact that i dont get to see kate as much anymore, her perspective is what i need to write geoff and she is removed from my day to day experiences and also i am forced to hold onto an old idea of her to write geoff but i have all that has happened to me in order to evolve arden. writing has never been work for me. the stories about arden and geoff were always in me to write and they flowed like time passes out of me and im just so frustrated i have the itch but nothing to scratch. AAAAAAAAAAA

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