Saturday, April 29, 2006
My Mental Anguish, My Broken Heart
well, this shitty ass week was capped off nicely by nikolai's going away party, which was last night. he left today. i was trying very hard to get bombed in order to celebrate the occasion, but it just wasn't happening. i also wanted to have a big sloppy goodbye, but that didn't really happen either. i was just too numb. numb from the pain and too tired to cry. but then today at work, i was wearing nik's kitchen sweater and listening to bloc party and then it hit me that he was gone. he promised me that he would come back, and i believe him, but i miss him already. i hope he has a fabulous time planting trees. its just that its not everyday that you meet someone that you have such a deep connection with. it seems overly fatalistic perhaps, but jill and i were talking about it, and nik and i were meant to find each other. she said that if we hadnt met at work, we would have met somewhere, sometime, eventually, and i think shes right. we are two-egg twins, and i know he will come back if for no other reason but for the fact that he promised me. so i held his hand in the cab and told him i would miss him, and after goodbye, i watched him go. you have my thoughts and prayers, my friend. may you have the sun in the face, and the wind at your back, as i count the days you are gone until i can see you again.