alright, so over the last couple of days, there has been a massive, volatile, vicious battle happening over at 20 something bloggers and its been so damn entertaining i just have to write about it. that and i think it brings up some interesting topics that i would like to wax eloquence about for a moment.
as you may or may not be aware, there is a somewhat hush-hush society of guys who are "pick up artists." they have classes, workshops, weekend retreats, the whole deal. these are guys who have tried to make a tried and true formula for picking up women. the reasons for doing so vary, i suppose, but the initial goal for all of them is the same. getting women's numbers, and ultimately into their pants.
i realise, of course, that most men and women are eager to meet partners for all of the obvious reasons, but the difference between traditional dating and pick up artists is profound. pick up artists really objectify women and see the whole thing as a game. in fact, when i first learned about this bizarre, and i must say sickening, practice, it was when i read a book by an ex pro pick up artist called "the game." i just happened to pick it up at the library, and once i started it, i had to finish it. it was so unbelievable but i couldnt put it down. the way that these guys talk about and act toward women is astonishing.
but thats not really why im writing this post (although this was the source of the near bloodbath at 20sb, believe me. if you have some time and want some good reading, check it out. total outrage. total). why im writing is because of a sort of secondary related issue that was touched on in the book and brought up again by the guy who started all of the fighting at 20sb. and that is this: although the guys who started the formal "education system" of training pick up artists are obviously douchebags, the guys who join and stay in the community now are generally lonely, lonely men who have poor social skills and few friends. they reach out to this community as a last ditch effort to meet someone and make it last and will try anything. in a way, they are almost victims of their own ignorance. or perhaps they are victims of their own lonliness. maybe both. anyway, it kind of takes the moral outrage down a notch and almost makes you feel sorry for them.
the real problem is that although you cant totally blame them for wanting to be happy and trying to find that happiness in a way that they think will work for them, they have a completely backward view of women, the world, their place in it, and the way relationships work. this in and of itself is the cause of their solitude that drove them to the pick up artist community, and the pick up artist community isnt going to rectify that. it only fosters it. these men need to learn how to communicate in a way that is honest and effective and they need to address the real reasons why they want to be with women in the first place. until someone has reconciled this to his or herself, there is no way he or she can embark on the trepidous journey called "the adult relationship." and therein lies the real tragedy of the whole pick up artist movement. it is just a bunch of lonely, misguided guys who are looking for something real outside of themselves, when in fact, the only place to find it is within.