Thought of Something

well, as anticipated, i thought of something to write about. as i continue to do research on all of this literary agent business, i have learned that theres only like 30 agents in canada. figures. anyway, it looks like this whole process is going to be a hell of a lot of work, especially since i am oh so fortunate enough to live in canada where we only allow a small percentage of people to do anything artistic. i guess the next time i lose work because of rain im going to have to get myself down to the school library and get to work on this stuff where theres no time limit on the computers. *sigh* so painful.

Ten to Five

so yesterday the weather was bad and i didnt work. i spent most of the day at barbs and i played basketball with breanne, and once again i was reminded that i dont play basketball nearly as well as a fourteen year old with down's syndrome. although in my own defense, breanne has a lot more practice than i do, since she has the hoop in the backyard and everything. anyway, that was pretty much the extent of my day and today isnt really any more exciting. im sitting here at the library absolutely convinced that i had something i wanted to do online and now i cant for the life of me remember what it was, so obviously im blogging instead. sadly, this isnt really turning out any better.... so i guess ill go unless i think of somethign interesting to say. i guess if my life was more interesting that wouldnt be such a challenge.

*Gasp!*

my good and noble comrades! i realised, after all of these years, that i had an extraneous comma in the title of my blog! how could this be? why did no one inform me! i am so embarassed by my poor grammar. i feel like i have no right to blog anymore. well, ok, maybe its not that bad, but im always the first to criticise signage with grammatical errors, and here i have been, committing one day in and day out without ever getting caught! oh, the humanity.
ps. i have started a new blog with my sister. a link is on the sidebar, please feel free to explore.

Vodka and Bubbles

i realised that "lemony fresh" is almost exactly the same as "melony fresh." which is odd because i like lemons more than melons, except for watermelon, which is great.

"I'm Glad We Didn't Perish

in the forest fire." thus spoke dave, as he pulled me into bed, arms around my shoulders, pinning me together like a straight jacket. the only thing protecting the world from my insanity. why would he say such a thing you ask? well, ill tell you. saturday morning was sunny and hot, just like the crack addicts at the weather network said it would be. we arose with high, high hopes of lazing about on the beach, but in typical dave fashion we didnt even get out the door until 3pm. anyway, after the long and exceptionally boring subway ride downtown, we walked over to the ferry docks and the temperature started to drop and the clouds started moving in. but we thought, its still warm enough to at least walk around the islands and maybe stroll on the beach, so we paid the fare for the ferry (whats the deal with that. it should be free, or at least part of the ttc), waited and finally got on. once we got to the island and arrived at the beach though, the temperature was dropping fast. over the water, moving toward the city was the biggest, blackest, most ominous storm cloud i could imagine, and the waves were getting bigger and more fierce every minute. we realised that despite the time and expense wasted on this journey, we were going to have to turn around and get back on the ferry. so we sighed, disappointed, and started heading back. but the story doesnt end there.... as we were walking back, the wind started picking up even more. it was so strong it was difficult to walk in, and then suddenly, from behind us we heard this great rumbling, it sounded like a machine and it was getting louder and louder and louder, and suddenly, the wind coming from behind us was really hot. and then, just when i thought i couldnt get any more frightening, i looked a head and the shore was disappearing in clouds of smoke. and i said, "its a fire! look at the smoke! where is it coming from, and why cant we see it?" and the really scary thing is we had to walk TOWARDS the smoke to get back to the ferry, and the machine like noise and hot air were behind us, baring down, and i thought we were going to die. it was terrible.
THEN once we finally got back to land safe and sound and the rain was coming down, we headed back to the ttc and of course my flip flops broke. so i had to ride the subway barefoot (gross). i made the mistake of saying " i dont think this could possibly get any worse, unless of course the power went out in the subway or something." and of course, it did. i mean the power didnt go out, but they were having technical difficulties the whole ride back to daves, and what is normally about a 35 minute ride took over an hour. and so, that was the beginning of summer.

Change-o-Phobic

in TWO senses of the word. first of all, i am really sick of people asking me for "spare" change. no, i dont have any "spare" change, i need all of my change, all of the time, because im POOR and i dont want to end up on the street, asking for change.
that being said, i have removed two of the three gadgets i had put up on here for kicks. they were just too damn ugly. sorry if you were having a blast and a half playing the games, but their ugliness was unacceptable.

My Literary Genius

or something like that. since i have been sitting on my manuscript about sabrina for some time now, and since my arden manuscript is at least half done (i think im aiming for 15 stories total, and im well into my eighth one) i decided its time to find myself an agent. im sure this will prove to be an arduous process, but i filled out one submission form today and i am going to fill out another on friday regarding the piece about sabrina to be sent to another agency. i really hope i can get some type of response. i am particularly hopeful about this agent im going to be contacting about sabrinas book because she seems to be interested in "emotionally gripping non fiction" and if that means anything at all, i think that my piece about sabrina is right up her alley. although i must admit im finding contacting these people challenging in its own right. the form i filled out today asked what i can do to support the sale of the work if it is published, and im not even sure i understand what that means, exactly. so i just rambled on about how its my work and i believe in it and i will do whatever i have to to support the sale of it. and this other one, the one im submitting to about my sabrina book is looking for some sort of proposal or something as well as a query explaining what QUALIFIES me to write the book. i mean i suppose if i was trying to publish a self help book or a medical encyclopaedia or something then i would need some sort of qualifications, but questions like that just tempt me to be a little flippant and say something like, the fact that i am proficient in the english language and that i have enormous creativity and drive is was qualifies me to write the book, you twits. but i understand where theyre coming from really. also, i probably shouldnt have even written that because i attached my blog to a profile for a literary website connecting people in childrens publishing, so anyone who is interested in me can now look at my blog.... lets assume that no one is interested in me. especially since i just joined said community today. by the time anyone becomes interested in me through that site (if ever) this post will be a thing of the past. but its kind of cool to be getting myself out there, i guess. i just hate having to sell myself. i hate job intereviews for the same reason. and its like, man obviously i dont like selling myself, thats why im looking for an agent. i want you to sell me. be my pimp! ill be youre whore! suck me dry, man. suck me dry.

All The Wrong Battles

i am in awe of how bitter my job has made me towards the general public. (i am also in awe of how much trouble i am having typing on this keyboard). anyway, today anne is in a really good mood, so shes a little hyper. we were leaving the public library and she was trying to grab a book out of the librarian's hand, which she always does because shes trying to help, and the librarian goes "oh, you are a BAD girl!" with a big smile on her face in the kind of tone i reserve for my DOG. and i just wanted to slap her, but i couldnt because she totally was actually being nice, and was just ignorant enough to think that anne needs to be spoken to like a six year old. anyway, at the risk of being blackballed from library for the things i wanted to say to this woman, i decided to take my own advice, choose my battles, and walk away.
THEN we get to my school and were at the union market and im fixing up some bagels for us and this woman (who, by the way was totally crowding me out of the bagel station, so i was already irritated with her) totally innocently asked if i work in a group home and i totally snapped. i was like NO. really snotty. and she pauses awkwardly for a moment then says, real polite, sorry for asking. and i said no, im sorry that was bitchy i just get so sick of people inquiring about my clients like they think they know what theyre talking about but theyre really just being nosy and blah blah blah. anyway, i was rambling on and on to this woman and dropping f bombs all over the place and when she finally walked away (i think she was a little scared) i was like, man i have lost my mind.

I'll Philosophy Your Face!

all the way to the bank! hows this for some philosophy? why do i even take philosophy when i dont really like it? except for logic, which is awesome, especially the part where philosophy students hate it. hahahaha. anyway, i just finished my philosophy exam, and it was very boring. i kept spacing out while i was writing it like i do when im writing papers and then id be like, oh yeah, time limit, riiiiiiight. and get back to it. anyway, im sure you were going to ask, well what was the exam about? and ill tell you. it was about david hume and his writing on determinism versus free will. i have come to realise that pretty much all of my papers for this class have followed the same basic formula: i summarise the argument and then say that the argument is great but not convincing and here's why. haha. thats pretty much the whole shebang. go philosophy. anyway thats not really what i came to write about. i came to write an ironic post that philosophised about my distaste for philosophy. so here we go.
anyway, why take a subject you dont really like? because you can get an A. period. i get so bored reading philosophy, and i know its supposed to make you think and hone your writing and argumentation skills and it does, but its not like i ever really PONDER the stuff im reading. i just read it, process it, analyze it, and then completely forget about it, because (are you ready for it?) I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!! hahahahahaha! in your face plato! and aristotle (i didnt even read you!)! and epicurus! spinoza (also didnt read)! and some other guy who started with e (definitely didnt read)! and aquinas! and anselm! and hume (actually, hume is ok. dialogues concerning natural religion is interesting, but we didnt read that for this class)! and nietzche (didnt read because i read you three years ago)! and at least one other guy that i didnt even go to class for but i believe he was the stoic guy. or maybe the skeptic! good riddance.

PayPal?

more like payenemy! so i logged into my email account that i use to write this blog in order to see if amit had gotten the message i posted for him below. this email account is very old, its one of the first email accounts i ever opened, and i use it for my trash emails, like when i have to provide an email in order to sign up for stuff, and i use it to manage this blog and thats it. SO, obviously, i almost never, ever check it. anyway, so of course i had a bunch of unread emails in there, and there were several from paypal, one indicating that someone had been using my email account fradulently, so they had limited my paypal account and several indicating that rather sizable purchases had been made using that email account with what is assumed to be my credit card. sounds like a reason to panic, right? WELL, it would be, except i dont even HAVE a credit card! hahaha isnt that crazy? so, upon learning this information, i think its pretty much guaranteed that someone is using my email account for some sort of credit card fraud, and i tried to get in touch with paypal to tell them, but of course they want me to open an account with them in order to email them, which im not interested in doing. anyway, i think this is serious enough that im going to call them on the phone (so old fashioned, i guess) to let them know. but isnt that bizarre?

Message To Amit

amit. the reason i am putting this on my blog is because i know you never read my emails. i tried taking a gander at your blog, which i havent done in ages, and it told me that i needed to be invited to read it. so could i please be invited? youll have to send the invite to beautiful_paradox@graffiti.net because that is my blogger email.

The Salt Water in Our Blood

well, after going to daves parents for easter brunch, i have to say i am appreciating my own family more and more. now, im not going to sit here and bash daves family in a public forum, that would just be inappropriate, but i am going to laud my family in comparison. at my family gatherings, there is always something going on, always something to talk about, always someone to listen to. there is music and smiles and LAUGHTER. and people are actually interested in the lives of those around them. i guess thats all i really have to say without getting into too much detail, but i am so thankful for the salt water in my blood.

ps. best part of lunch at daves parents. while looking at the meal i brought daves mum says "what is that? it looks like meat." i say, "its vegetarian meat" she says "oh? does that mean the cows were only fed grains and vegetables?" lolololoololololol. ah the joys of old age.

The Same or Different?

well my good and noble comrades, i have a dirty little secret. i am hopelessly, shamelessly hooked on paris hilton's new bbf (which stands for british best friend, in case you didnt know). i dont know how and i dont know why. it is truly an awful show but its got this hold on me. i think i just marvel at the sheer stupidity of it and i wonder how people can be so unabashedly shallow and lame. i think i also wonder if we are really expected to believe as viewers that paris hilton is actually interested in ever spending any time with the winner. its so obviously just a shrewd business venture. anyway, that being said, what this post is really about is comparing paris hiltons show with two other, similar shows. on the surface all three shows are basically the same, but believe it or not i think that the paris hilton show actually has the most integrity.
so, first off. paris hiltons new bbf. this show is the follow up to paris hiltons first show, my new bff, which took place in the states. i guess ms hilton needs to have a best friend on every continent or something, because she is apparently taking applications in england. anyway, the premise of this show is the same as the bachelor, except instead of a moderately attractive man who will pretend to want to marry you at the end of the show, the winner gets a super attractive paris hilton who will pretend to want to be your nearest and dearest. the contestants get eliminated each week based on how they hold up in challenges (you know, super challenging activities like cooking dinner for paris, or flirting with one of her friends, or planning a photo shoot for her) and just generally how paris is feeling about the contestants at the time. (which is really code for paris making sure that the most dramatic ratings grabbers stay on the show as long as possible). anyway, the show features lots of catty bitchy girl behaviour and lots of paris talking about how much its going to take for someone to be able to survive her oh so demanding lifestyle. as im sure you can imagine, having billions of dollars and no real job to go to can be very taxing. im breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it. anyway, the show is bad, the contestants are morons, and amazingly, paris actually comes across as looking like the most normal, well adjusted one of them. and despite all this, i am shamefully hooked.

next up we have a shot of love with tila tequila. apparently this is the second season of this show and is only a time slot away from being porn. like the paris hilton series, this show has a bachelor style set up except this time we have boys and girls vying for the affections of the one and only tila tequila because she is (pretending to be) bisexual. anyway this show is just an excuse for a bunch of slutty people to act slutty on television and apparently tila tequila's claim to fame is sluttiness, so shes in good company. ive only seen about a half an episode of this show and it was the oh so scandalous second episode. you see, miss tequila didnt tell the boys in the first episode that she was "bi" and that they would be competing against boys and girls for her titties. i mean love. anyway at the end of the first episode she brought out the girls so the second episode was the first coed one and featured charming challenges like everyone in bathing suits searching through a pool of foam at the same time for some little round things that would earn them one on one time with tila. the interesting thing about this show is it really makes no excuses for pandering to the horny fantasies of men with too much time on their hands. its also fascinating (and kind of sad) to see all of these uber hot but totally for real lesbians lowering themselves like this. from what i saw, all of the girls just want a girl to win this show, and they will probably get what they want because a boy won last season and everyone is hoping to see tila dyke it up for the cameras. anyway what i dont get about it is many many lesbians (and straight girls too) would find a show like this disempowering to women and gay women in particular. what is so strange is that most of the lesbians on the show seem to be the type of girls who would have this opinion, but theyre on the show anyway. its as if their collective desire to show up the men supercedes the inherent sexism present in the competition itself, so they have put that to one side in order to win, win win.



finally, we have the rock of love bus with bret michaels. bad grammar aside, this show is also like the bachelor, except instead of having everyone live in a giant house so they can fight all the time, they are on a tour bus because bret michaels is some washed up rock star (who knew?) and he wants to simulate "life on the road" with the ladies. anyway this show is as bad, if not worse than tila tequila. i think that having gigantic fake tits was part of the requirements of the show, and from what i saw after sitting through an hour of this drivel last night, the contestants basically do one challenge (last night it was hanging out with children at a pool. i guess bret cares about having maternally inclined hoes), one of them wins, goes on a date with bret, and then the rest of the show we watch everyone get drunk and make out with bret. it was soft porn wrapped in a nice reality tv bubble and it was awful. i was disgusted with the whole thing and i was EMBARASSED for the girls on the show.
SO. you be the judge. are all of these shows the same ? or are they different? or maybe both???? i dont rightly know

Long Effing Day

man. its only ten after two and im already exhausted. i cant wait for this day to be over. this morning i had to get up early-ish to go visit J----- in the hospital. he is recovering from back surgery, and was looking pretty pathetic. but his parents think he was putting it on a little bit because he knew the physiotherapist was on the way and she was going to make him get up and walk around and he just got taken off of morphine this morning. needless to say, im glad im not in his position right now. BUT the surgery went well and they eem pretty positive about the whole thing so. that was good news. anyway, after i was done visiting him, i went to pick anne up, and i am WAAAAAAAY over dressed for this weather, but its been so up and down and when i left in the morning it was much cooler than it is right now. anyway, im going to take her to ginos for some pizza before i take her home and then im off off off to stoney creek (drag) for my evening client. THEN i will arrive back home around nine thirty and i will shower, change, pack and get out the door hopefully in time to catch the 1030 bus to toronto, getting me to daves house by about quarter after midnight. DAMN.

Killing Time

so i am at the school library killing time before i go to pick up my paper from my ta. i also figured out how to get around the 15 minute limit on the internet express station, so i can stand here as long as i want, unless someone is waiting for the station. luckily for me, no one is. mwa ha ha ha. marvel at my greatness!
anyway, so apparently i scared callies friends off of reading my blog with the post about breasts. i guess they have some breast related hang ups. i dont get it. who doesnt love breasts? really. anyway, eventually i will have put up enough posts to move the "offensive" pictures off the first page of the blog. also, if youve been following the commentary at all, callie wants more posting so her hat head will not be the first thing people see when they come to visit. personally, i dont see what the big deal is, but WHATEVER.
in other news, i bought a new dress today. i dont exactly have a dress budget right now, but as trevor pointed out i always buy a new dress for easter (or at least i try to) and this easter i am going to be having an ever so painful brunch at daves parents with all of his ever so snooty siblings, and having a new dress on will make me feel (marginally) more confident. anyway, the dress is awesome, except its strapless. ive never gone strapless before. im hoping to avoid buying a strapless bra (also no bra budget, as you can imagine) by taking the straps off of my three way convertible bra. that should work. i hope.
speaking of this undoubtably painful brunch adventure. i have no idea what to make. i cant make lasagna because everyone will be comparing it to the lasagnas of yesteryear by daves mum and i cant make salad because i hate how everyone thinks that the only thing vegetarians eat is salad, and i have to make something fancy because daves sister in law is apparently "a gourmet" so obviously i need to make better food than her. anyway the whole thing is turning into an ordeal and i better come up with something soon. the clock, she is ticking.