Answers

so my sister asked the following series of questions on her blog, and in lieu of having anything else to write about, i am going to take it upon myself to answer them. here goes:

Why is ant hill sand different from regular sand? because it comes from the soil and asphalt instead of the beach so it started out as different rock than the beach sand did
Why do they bother embedding nice things like flowers into toilet paper? because people have an inexplicable hang up about feces. they like to pretend that human beings are above such things. also, they can charge more for it if it is embossed. also, im sure theres some study somewhere that shows that textured toilet paper does a better job of cleaning things than untextured.
Why are there always pencils when I don't need them and no pencils when I do need them? the real question is why to steal all the pencils. this is your own fault, callie.
Why is underwear so enticing? good question. i think we like to feel sexy and girly, even if noone can see the underwear, we know we are wearing it. except in my case. i like the idea of underwear and i like shopping for it but i never wear it. although it is fun to do housework in just underwear. and this morning i had my tea in a pair of underwear. but that was mostly because i need to do laundry. real bad.
Why does tartar sauce taste so damn delicious? because of the mayonnaise! and the pickles! pickles make everything better! so does mayonnaise! its the perfect combination of awesomeness. you have to try tartar sauce with CAPERS. its AMAZING.
Why do my camera batteries die right when a photo opportunity is presented? because the cost of art is suffering
Why does recess only happen in elementary schools and court? because only criminals and children have their rights enforced
Why do they publish awful books? because they publish the books they know they can make money from. literature is a business, not an art, unfortunately, and people are stupid and love reading crap.
Why do they patent dumb ideas? because one dumb idea can be the beginning of a great idea. im sure fifty years ago that if you had said that everyone would have a little phone and the phone would play music and could communicate across the country and show videos give directions and all of that other stuff, they would have said that was a dumb idea too.
Why is everything on sale when I'm saving? it isnt. that is just your perception of reality. when you try to give something up, thats when you want it. its like trying to quit smoking or drinking or cut carbs. even if you never keep bread in the house, once you decide not to eat it any more, its all you can think about. the mind is funny that way.
Who comes up with all the font types? typestters and font designers. there is actually a name for the people who design fonts, but i cant remember what they are called.
Why do I only start thinking hard when I'm trying to fall asleep? because dreams are our way of organizing our heads for the day. thinking before sleeping is like, the stretching of the brain, the warm up. that and im sure you have a disposition for anxiety and insomnia, if dad and i are any indication.
Why do forks have four prongs? im not sure, but id be willing to wager that there is some sort of ratio of surface area to force for stabbing with a stainless steel utensil, and having four prongs is probably within the ideal parameters of the ratio. or something like that.
Why don't more people use sporks? why would you want to? spoons are a blight on my mouth.
Why won't Batman marry me? why dont you get your own super hero? he's mine!
Why is it so hard to draw a straight line? because straight lines dont occur in nature. they are an inorganic shape and trying to draw one from our organic mind using our organic hands is contrary to our nature.
Why can't there just be silence sometimes? there can. once you move out of mum's house.
Why aren't more people happy? because our capitalist society has convinced them that happiness is defined by material wealth.
Who decided silent letters were necessary? that is a question of etymology. in the olde englishe when the words were still evolving from latin and german and french and italian, the silent letters werent silent. now they are, and we kept some spellings.
Why can't things just make sense? if they did, we woudlnt have anything to blog about.