Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Feel the Burn

hello comrades. i hope you are all doing well. im sorry i havent written in a few days, ive had a couple of ideas, but as usual, i forget what they are as soon as i sit down to blog. i really must get in the habit of writing these things down when they occur to me. i also need to get in the habit of writing down amusing things to tell barb, because i have the same problem when i talk to her. im always like, "barb! i was going to tell you this funny story and now i completely forget what it was!" its so frustrating. i think its the intellectual equivalent of blue balls.
anyway, thats not really what i was going to write about just now, though. what i have to say today is that this whole "going to the gym and cross training" thing that ive been doing for the first time in my life has had some RATHER hilarious side effects. what you may ask? ill tell you. i have noticed, in general, that people at the gym are so in their own heads, that they completely forget that they are in public, and thats when the fun starts. i have three specific examples of people who i have noticed at the gym that really crack me up.
1) the middle aged, mostly overweight women. i hate to make generalisations, but i have noticed there is a pattern among these pudgy, peri-menopausal ladies. they tend to come to the gym in groups, and they are obviously trying to lose weight, as opposed to, i dont know, doing weights or working on cardio or cross training or whatever the various reasons people go to the gym are. this is all well and good, i realise the majority of people who go to the gym are trying to lose weight, (except for people like myself, who train actual sports, and weightlifters. although those guys are training an actual sport too, so its the same, really), but these middle aged women are hilarious. they spend about an hour at the gym, going from machine to machine, slowly, ever slowly, talking the whole time, and only workout on each machine for five minutes, TOPS. in total, i would estimate that out of an hour of being in the conditioning room, they only get about 17 minutes of exercise, and almost NONE of it is cardio. its like watching the news on any american station, its all commercials. is it any wonder these women get discouraged about their weight and end up dropping their gym memberships? as my sensei used to say when i was in karate, if you arent sweating, you arent working hard enough.
2) last week, i saw a rather obese man wearing what i can only describe as a weird al wig, sitting on a weight machine READING A MAGAZINE and not actually using the machine. was he trying to lose weight by osmosis? does his wife have him in the throes of some sex ultimatum, where he doesnt get any if he doesnt spend x number of hours at the gym each day? i guess well never know.
3) and my new favourite, last nite i saw a young girl, probably a few years younger than me, but over 17 id say, standing on the non-moving side sections of the treadmill. she had the treadmill actually running, but she was just standing with her legs on either side of it, and was watching television on the provided screen. when her show was over, she left.
so there you go, gym antics that i didnt know existed, because until recently, i only ever swam. amazing.


TbR said...

"Lose weight by osmosis" - haha!

Callie said...

it's so true. now you can relate to my "old man at gym who does anything but work out and thinks everyone is just dying to listen to him blather on about himself" post i did a while back. the worst of all is when school is out all the teens come to the gym in posses and hog teh cardio machines for about ten minutes before they stretch and then saunter around for an hour or so. the girls also like to stare at themselves in the mirrors when they "stretch". i usually leave by 3 to avoid this annoyance.

full_of_puppy_love said...

its crazy time, is what it is. the only thing ive ever observed at the pool that even comes close are these guys who have really expensive gear who jump in the fast lane, sprint for 50m and then jump out of the pool and walk on the deck "getting their wind" for ten minutes and repeat that about ten times. its so lame. and you just KNOW they tell their friends that they "swim for an hour every day"

Tisha said...

You'll see #1 in Manila too. But normally these ladies do attend the classes (stuff like "jazzercise") then spend an hour gossiping in the locker room before heading out for lunch.

full_of_puppy_love said...

man, the locker room gossip irks me too. every time i have oatmeal i think about this woman who was going on and on about how she brings oatmeal to the gym and i wanted to punch her. she has completely ruined the oats for me.