agh. comrades. sometimes it isnt easy being me. i dont know if its just because i spend so much time with people who cant talk that i have too much time to think, but sometimes im so damn crazy i cant stand myself. there are definitely multiple examples of this, but the most recent is this crippling recurrence of anxiety that i thought i had licked years ago.
the problem is, before, when i was in high school, my anxiety was non specific. it was just random, meaningless worry and stress. it sucked, but it wasnt scary. lately, things have taken a bit of a turn. every once in a while i find myself in the grips of a crushing panic attack that i am about to die from some statistically unusual freak occurence, like an aneurysm or a sudden stroke or something. once i get this idiotic thought in my head, it takes me forever to come down, and every beat of my heart and blink of my eyes feels like my last. its terrifying. i try to take deep breaths and busy my mind with ordinary things, and eventually it works, but DAMN if it isnt terrible.